Arrogantly ignorant

[toad]

“It is God’s will that we love others; without love nothing else matters.” (Life Recovery Bible, page 1385)

[Love] It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
1 CORINTHIANS 13:6 NLT

Have you ever been in a relationship and felt as though possibly you have been wronged? And then that person has something happen to them that is hurtful or painful and we say, “Serves them right, look at how they treat others.” I recall to my mind some of the worldly sayings that follow that line of thinking. “You know what they say about paybacks?” is one, another is “What goes around comes around.” And still another is “You want to play, you gotta pay.” I have been so arrogantly ignorant before in my life, that I actually thought that some mishap that someone else experienced was because they messed with me, the anointed of God. That kind of thinking comes from a spiritually inflated ego with no foundation in love, which is the greatest of all emotions. As I sit and type this I come to the realization that possibly love is not an emotion or a feeling at all. How egotistical of me to think that love stems from my emotions and feelings, that it originates in me. Love is much more than just an emotion, It is God! It is a command, not a suggestion, but a command. Love is action, love is giving, and love is work! Jesus said to love everyone from your enemies to your neighbor to yourself. That pretty well takes in everyone I know! My problems seems to be that I don’t like everybody, and I don’ like the way some people have treated me. My dilemma seems to be one of loving those I don’t want to love. That old childhood thinking, “if someone hits you, hit them back!” doesn’t hold up too well with the teachings of Jesus. Today in my recovery from addictions and alcohol, I come to the understanding that when I stopped using, my work was just beginning. The real work is learning to live at peace with God, others, and myself. Paybacks should be cleansed from my mind. I feel like I have rambled on long enough, thanks for letting me share as I aired out some of my dirty laundry. God is still doing for me what I could not do for myself……………JRE

“No one loves perfectly, but we must learn how to love. We can ask God to help us love others and stop waiting for them to love us. We cannot expect to be good at loving right away; we should be patient as God’s love grows within us and he teaches us how to love. When we choose to act in loving ways, the emotions will follow, and we will find that our love will be returned.” (Life Recovery Bible, page 1385)

[cmc]

We can ask God to help us love others and stop waiting for them to love us

Thanks toad,
And in the meantime as we wait, they get the advantage of having our prayers which just might be of greater service than we ever realize. When someone rubs me the wrong way...isn't it highly likely that they have the same effect on others as well? One more reason to be thankful when we do not feel loving is this...the effectiveness/results of our prayers in that person's life is real. God uses it for His glory. Like the title of a famous book: Love is A Decision.

[best]

Guilty but learning.

What I have found helps me... when others do wrong against me, I (when I think, not react) try to figure out why they did such and then pray for their need or my correction of my own behavior.
When 9/11 happened I had seen many people react in so many different ways.
How I reacted had me in shock of sorts. I was not acting like myself so I know it was the Holy Spirit guiding my every thought and prayer. The old me would have me saying the same as a few others... get guns and get payback. The spirit changed me was on my knees asking the Lord to change hearts so such things would not happen again. I am not boasting of what I did... I want to boast of what the Lord has done... He changed my heart and filled it with His love.
On my own, like I said, I would be counting bullets and cleaning my guns.
Thank You Lord for the changes You have made in me.

[toad]

Originally Posted by best

Guilty but learning.

What I have found helps me... when others do wrong against me, I (when I think, not react) try to figure out why they did such and then pray for their need or my correction of my own behavior.
.

this sounds like what my sponsor would and has told me.....thanks for sharing

[toad]

Originally Posted by cmc

Thanks toad,
And in the meantime as we wait, they get the advantage of having our prayers which just might be of greater service than we ever realize. When someone rubs me the wrong way...isn't it highly likely that they have the same effect on others as well? One more reason to be thankful when we do not feel loving is this...the effectiveness/results of our prayers in that person's life is real. God uses it for His glory. Like the title of a famous book: Love is A Decision.

God grant me the serenity to pray, and wisdom to know what needs to be changed within my heart............amen

thanks for sharing cmc.........always good to read your responses, thanks..

[Grasshopper]

Great thread.
Question,if i may,.
Does one fellowship with their enemies?
I ask this because everytime i invite an "enemie",if you will,into my life,they go back to old behaviour,of trying to control my life.Not only trying,but they,do, interfer with my decisions,and then,do things behind my back.They do not listen.Will not meet me half way.The path im going in,is not poplar,cant explain it here.But its one that i must go on.They do everything trying to cause dis-harmony in my life.Interfering, with my prayers life,.I let them go,.First time,ive ever done this.Usually through prayer can work things out.But am wondering if God,wants me to keep trying to be in some kind of fellowship,or is it ok to let go?I feel all kinds of ugly when im with them,,lol,inside...Im confused,and wanting your thoughts or if you have experince in this area?Thanks in advance,,im listening.

[cmc]

Grasshopper,
I believe that the command to love one another means to love them and to forgive them as well. There are many verses to support this.
Do we have to stay in relationships where we are abused, mistreated or ones where we just don't like the other person? I have the freedom to choose who my friends are, but not who is 'family' is, be that biological family or church family. Coworkers and others may be in our lives not of our choice too.
The apostle Paul had a parting of the ways with a brother and also was mistreated and even betrayed by people in the family of God. I find no place that says we must go back for more of the same.
There is a verse about turning the other cheek, going the extra mile and offering your coat to one who is in need, but the context of these is not that of an ongoing relelationship. There may be some rare situations where God leads us to do these things per the situation.
There are many people that I would love to know on an acquaintance level but would not become best friends with. There is a verse that says 'don't throw your pearls before swine' and others about wisdom and choices of companions..such as 'do not go with an angry man' that make it clear we do not have to be friends with everyone. Agape love is the love of Christian fellowship and there are deeper forms of love, graduating up to marital love that are obviously to be given and shared as the trust and friendship progresses.
I have always told my kids to choose their friends wisely...as they will marry one of their friends someday! (hopefully only once!)
I hope I have answered your questions- I did not have time to give all the scripture references for you. I can recommend a book called "Speaking The Truth In Love" How to Be an Assertive Christian; by Ruth N. Koch and Kenneth C. Haugk (Stephen Ministries)

[toad]

Originally Posted by Grasshopper

Great thread.
Question,if i may,.
Does one fellowship with their enemies?
I ask this because everytime i invite an "enemie",if you will,into my life,they go back to old behaviour,of trying to control my life.Not only trying,but they,do, interfer with my decisions,and then,do things behind my back.They do not listen.Will not meet me half way.The path im going in,is not poplar,cant explain it here.But its one that i must go on.They do everything trying to cause dis-harmony in my life.Interfering, with my prayers life,.I let them go,.First time,ive ever done this.Usually through prayer can work things out.But am wondering if God,wants me to keep trying to be in some kind of fellowship,or is it ok to let go?I feel all kinds of ugly when im with them,,lol,inside...Im confused,and wanting your thoughts or if you have experince in this area?Thanks in advance,,im listening.

Grasshopper,

I used to be a grasshopper........I hopped from one bag of grass to another. Just joking.......About the fellowshiping with enemies, I believe in carring the message, not the mess. I had to learn this from experience. I still see people, have lunch with them, but I draw the line these days on how far the relationship goes if they are still using alcohol and drugs. Also I am learning how to discern when I am being manipulated and used for the wrong reasons. Some of my closest old-buddies I had to stay away from. This hurts, but it is easier to handle then the pain I experience from their self-centered behaviors. I think that we should always be willing to help someone in need, but we should also be aware of when we might be enabling them. I have learned that by staying clean and sober and having God in my life I carry a message beyond words............I used to call a lot of those folks frenemies.. I don't know if I have helped you any, but you have helped me by sharing, thanks............toad

[cmc]

toad,
"carry the message not the mess!" and "frenemies!"
That's good stuff to know and very funny too!!! hehe
cmc

[Grasshopper]

lol@ frenemies....smile...
Im feeling alot better after reading your relpies.My belief has always been that somehow,somewhere one can be in harmony with others.This usually works at some point.But the more i try with these folks,the worse its gets.I can now ,be at, peace in my heart,let go and let God.
Thank you[[[[hugs]]]]]...

[cmc]

This scripture sums it up:
"If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men."
Romans 12:18 (NASB)

[Grasshopper]

so far as possible it depends on you.Yes here is where its really at.I guess,im realizing to that im presumming what God,s Will is,,in this situation.To somehow "Make it work".And its not working,for me.
thanks again,i really appreate your help.

[sugarssweetpea]

i think that we are to forgive them. WE do not have to fellowship with them. To love someone is to do what is in their best interest with putting their needs above your own. It does not say we even have to like that person.