losing hope and losing faith

[sugarssweetpea]

i am sitting here crying & shaking as i write this right now. i do not even know where to begin. i am quickly losing hope in a better life & losing faith that god really loves us. i do not understand if he really loves us why then do things always have to be so difficult. i can see the good things in my life that have happened after salvation. i have also seen good things that have happened before salvation. i always attributed those to god looking out for me as he was calling me to him. i just do not understand his ways & his methods for things. i cannot understand why he would bless me with a husband & then make him have to work all the time including some sundays. i do not understand. everything is being laid on me. everything. i even have to meet people at church that he works with b/c he will not be there. i am not supposed to be the spiritual leader in the house. he is. we jsut started a business in april & i understand that he has to work all the time. but there has to be a happy medium. he is ok with it. at least he can handle it. i cannot. i have been having more panic/anxiety attacks. that is another thing. if god will not give us more than we can handle, why do i cry every day. why is everything so hard. why was i getting my heart checked out two weeks ago only to find out that it was anxiety. obviously it is not being able to handle things. job is a good example of what i am talking about. i have never been able to understand that story in the bible. job was one of the few truely faithful men to god & yet god took everything from him & put him in great pain just to prove a point to satan. that to me is not love. every time something good happens, something bad happens right along with it. that is not love. god created us to be the way we are. we did not create ourselves to be this way. the sin nature was not created by us therefore why should we be punished for it. i am really struggling right now & could use all of the support i can get. i really need you guys. i am fading fast.

[toad]

Job stated at the start what his problem was......"For the thing I have greatly feared is come upon me." (Job 3:25)..........Fear.....brought it upon Job........Job was restored double when he prayed for his friends.........pray for your friends.....and see what happens.

My sponsor's wife has a saying she uses, "Fear knocked at the door, Faith answered,.................no one was there!"

You're a child of God and have God's favor upon you, don't let fear rob you of what you are entitled to have.

We will pray for you our friend, and you pray for us........we will see God at work.......watch and see.......toad

ps.....call your sponsor

[rayofsunshine]

(((sugarsweetpea))) God never promised there wouldnt be troubles in life,
but he did promise to be with us and get us through them if we call on him.
I pray God will give you strength and that you'll lean on him and be filled with peace once again.

Something that helps me when I'm feeling overwhelmed, is going to Billy Grahams web site (google his name to find it) and reading stories posted there
of others who are struggling and reading his answers to them.

[sugarssweetpea]

thanks guys. i am still feeling pretty yucky. really not liking myself or understanding why god created me to be the person that i am. there are just some things that i cannot seem to overcome. i am a why person & there are just so many things that i do not understand.

ps - i do not have a sponsor, have not been through any 12 step programs.

i don't know. no one ever seems to have the answers that i am looking for. not even god. i don't understand it. i still feel very alone. i still feel like i have an emptiness inside of me. it went away for a little while shortly after being saved, but it is coming back. i do not know what it is or what i am missing or looking for, but it is making me very sad. i am not satisfied with anything. and i mean anything.

[cmc]

Sugars,
Talk about troubles? I know how you feel!! I could write about 10 pages of them... but I won't. I know how it feels to believe that God can rescue us out of any problem and then find He chose not to do what I was hoping for. On the other hand... He ALWAYS loves me, ALWAYS has my very best interest in mind. This realization has come to me over time and with many tears and many prayers to God...asking and challenging Him. Saying WHY?
The more I read of the bible, the more I understand. I have been reading this book for over 40 years! Studying it...not browsing through... and I knew the words so well. I just needed to learn more about the Author of those words, and that comes with prayer, praise, worship and fellowship with others.
I realize that you are feeling stress and pressure... when I get that way I have to make some changes in my priorities and take time for myself and family too.... Your husband is working hard and trying to provide for his family, and this is a very godly thing he is doing- it's his ministry as a father and husband. There are no easy practical answers as you will have to figure out for yourself ways to reduce your stress levels and focus on only the most important things right now... What are those?
The Lord
Yourself
Your marraige
Your children
Your work/church activities
Being a mom of young children is one the most difficult things a woman can do...I faced alot of the same pressures you are now. How I managed it was to keep a good balance and let anything 'drop' that I could in order to focus on the most important things.
I will be praying for you. I am glad you are sharing with us.

[best]

But for a moment we may find struggles.
When the moment is gone, we have eternal life in peace.

Panic/anxiety attacks for some can be caused by not trusting God.
Panic/anxiety attacks for some can be caused by an imbalance of chemicals inside of us. A blend of the two reasons can be why some have panic/anxiety attacks.
Prayer and asking God to carry our burdens and then more prayer and more giving things over to God takes care of the part we can control. If you have an imbalance... a Dr can help in that area.

Your husband can still be the spiritual leader, even as he works the many hours each day. Prayer at meals, bible reading time with family... making the most of family time when he is not working. Going to church as a family is a good thing and a good example but for many...their work schedule doesn't always allow it.
Talk things over with your husband. Let him know your feelings. Pray and ask God to carry your burdens.

My opinion... having had my own business before and knowing the many added hours it takes to start and run a business...the time away from family and the missing of many days of rest (as the bible tells us we must do)... it wasn't worth the time given over to the business. Time is the one thing we can't buy back at any cost.

Share your feelings with your husband..6 days work and a day of rest is going to get things done and keep him healthier then 7 days of straight out work.

[best]

Originally Posted by sugarssweetpea

thanks guys. i am still feeling pretty yucky. really not liking myself or understanding why god created me to be the person that i am. there are just some things that i cannot seem to overcome. i am a why person & there are just so many things that i do not understand.

I don't understand them all either but a few I can take some guesses at and have found that I could be right in some of those guesses.

Who knows...maybe you were created for the purpose of touching my life as you do. When we reach heaven, we will find all the answers.
Ever listen to the song...
Thank you for giving to the Lord. By Ray Boltz

Thank you for giving to the Lord, I am a life that was changed.

You touch so many lives and neither you nore I know just how many but God does.

[sugarssweetpea]

i was just talking to my husband about everything. he is not going to stop working on sundays. he said he is not going to battle me over it. he said that he talks to god all day long when he is working. he reads his bible every morning. he said that he is trying to make it most sundays but there are some that he cannot.

he said that i need to look at the bright side more. i told him that is not how god created me to be. if he did, there would not be all these tears.

my 3 year old son has a lot of the same issues that i do. i have already blamed myself for them. my husband pretty much confirmed that tonight. he blames me as well. he thinks that a lot of my issues are due to how i was raised. i passed them down to my son in the first couple years of his life. i know that i did & i know that he is right.

i hate who i am & feel that if god could ever have made a mistake it is in making me.

[best]

A lot of my issues are due to how i was raised.

Same here. Not my doing...it is all I knew. I can't blame me for what wasn't in my control. As I find things that are not where I would like them...I strive to change what I can and ask the Lord to change what I can't.
Some things change over night...some things need God to show me a better way. If I learned something new today...today is a success.

When I go to church (and I talk with the Lord all the time as well) I don't always go because I need to be there...There are more times that my being there helps another. Not my needs but the needs of others can be filled by me going.
As Rick Warren says in the Purpose Driven Life... Worship isn't what I can get but more so...what I can bring. (paraphrased)
Let the Holy Spirit give conviction to your husband as you continue to find the blessings of going to church. His focus at the moment may hold more meaning then you are seeing. For me...the business was a means to provide for my family. The added hours were not a burden because I felt I was doing the best I could for my family. My heart was in the right place even if my priorities were not. My son's first steps... I wasn't there to see them and that is something I needed learn the hard way.

Keep gathering your blessings and let the Lord guide your husband's heart to where and what he should be doing.

[cmc]

i hate who i am & feel that if god could ever have made a mistake it is in making me.

We love you here... how much more does He love you???? God loves each one... just as we love each child we have. When my kids were small I would explain how I loved them all just as much, but I had a special 'Susie' love for 'Susie' and so on for each child. He loves me 'for being me' and you 'for being you'.
You are created to know Him, love and worship the Lord..to be a wife and mother. That is a tall order right there... other things will come in time.
We are all sooo imperfect... yet He loves us and will gently guide us.
Many years ago when my kids were small I had alot of struggles...never enough money, hubby worked many hours, plus we had 2 kids of 3 with insulin dependent diabetes.... It was very hard at times.
God taught me through my suffering... showed me His kindness and I am able to share that with you now. We give comfort to one another.
In this world there will always be troubles...(Jesus' words paraphrased) and we are of a fallen nature. I think one of the things He is trying to show you is that...although you are already saved... and have accepted Him, He is trying to show you another 'salvation.'
This salvation is the ongoing kind that we need day to day, or even minute by minute at times.
I agree with what best said about looking at reasons why you are so feeling so overwhelmed by things... for me, in my 30's I had pms... ugh. I found help though with a very godly and kind physician and had some counseling as well. Things can and will get better... remember that...(also...please read my sig. line!)
hugs and prayers too,
cmc

[Grasshopper]

Hi,i can really relate to you.I too came to a point in my life where i NEEDED,answers.I felt that enough was enough,already.I too read the book of Job,and at the time,felt that i was just like him.I am Job,i have written down in an old book that i had,had at that time.I talked with folks,which for me,made things worse,for they judge my faith,judge me.I didnt pray first before looking to confide in folks,i just picked them myself.I wanted,needed answers!!!!!And after turning to people,i finally turned towards God,asking for my answers.You say that no one seems to have the answers that youre looking for.I today know that folks dont have the answers to my life.All folks do have if not quoting from the bible is their own opinions.This "may" work for others,but it didnt for me.God, showed,me, in a dream,the whys,of what was happening to me.My answers,and when i woke up,i havent been the same since.I woke up with a peace,within myself that i never thought was possible,and still my out-world was amuck,but it longer mattered.My eyes towards Christ,IS,whats impotant.And i thankful to the folks who tried to help me,but ended causing harm,because THAT,was what finally brought me to Jesus.!!!I started reading the Holy Bible,at this time.Periodically when im off-set,i will ask another,what they think,but i know that my answers,come from God.I have mentors,we talk,and i still come to Christ,in prayer.I,Pray.I,Meditate.Let go of my wants.Open my mind.heart to Christ.
This is whats working in my life today.
God works in many ways,and mysteries ways,with folks.

[sugarssweetpea]

I thank you all for all of your prayers and all of your support. I am feeling much better today. I had another long discussion with my husband about things last night. We came to the conclusion that basically Satan is stealing my joy. I can see it. I am so afraid to be happy. I am so happy of what might happen next. I am so afraid of what God is preparing me for. So afraid that He will give me more than I can handle. Or at least more than I want to handle. I felt joy when I got pregnant with my baby. Immediately after feeling the happiness, I felt a wave go through my whole body. A physical and mental feeling of anxiety of what I was going to do with 2 children under 2. Well, my baby is now 18 months old & everything has worked out just fine. I also find myself expecting something negative to come with the positive which does not let me truely enjoy the blessings. God has blessed my life in so many ways. He has answered EVERY prayer I have ever prayed. I have just been to blinded with worry to be truely grateful for them. Also too self centered. I have also come to the conclusion that one of the reasons for my husband working so much & for me to have moved so far away from my family is b/c I think that God wants me to find my comfort & peace in Him. He wants me to get everything I need from Him so that I can better serve my family. I think that He is trying to bring me closer to Him. Anyway, I am trying to turn everything over to Him & to live & think as would be pleasing to Him. Thank you all again. I asked God during our family prayer time last night to please talk to me b/c I really needed to hear from Him. He spoke to me through all of you & through my husband.

[cwohio]

We came to the conclusion that basically Satan is stealing my joy. I can see it. I am so afraid to be happy. I am so happy of what might happen next. I am so afraid of what God is preparing me for. So afraid that He will give me more than I can handle. Or at least more than I want to handle.

I also find myself expecting something negative to come with the positive which does not let me truely enjoy the blessings. God has blessed my life in so many ways.

sugar sweetie - you are not alone! i have been feeling much the same way - the constant battle of feeling unworthy and letting Satan fill my head and heart with constant anxiety and worry - so much so that i'm afraid to LIVE. after losing my husband last year i know that this time alone is God's way of drawing me back into His fold - his gentle push to get me to surrender my will. prayers to you that you will feel God's love and light in your life.

[sugarssweetpea]

same to you cwohio. same to you.

[Mercedes1]

Hi, I am new. I just wanted to share that I feel the exact same way in many ways in terms of "if God says we can handle it, then why don't I"? I think your last comment is correct. It is a form of God teaching you to rely on Him. It is overwhelming. I have been in this deep, dark, empty, loniliness for the last couple years. For me, I have no husbland. I am 45, single parent female. I met one of the greatest guys ever last summer..never dated a Christian...thought they would be too "churchy" or unattractive. I know that is a bad perception but it was in my head. This guy was fabulous. He figured out soon enough I had a drinking problem. I didn't quit soon enough and now its over. Talk about feeling of regret, guilt. Its hard to focus on sobriety with all that junk on my heart. I have since attended a couple AA meetings. I think the 12step is what you and I both need. I think the process helps you LIVE what you preach. Praying and sitting around not drinking is not going to do it.

At the very least, be greatful for your husband (which I know you are). I am fearing I may never meet a Christian guy again. Its easy to date but to have a partner that shares your faith and is "with you" is such a gift. Hold on to that. As your children.

Please pray for me too. I am new to this AA thing and haven't not drank for long. The sense of lonliness and emptiness is very real for me. Depression, or whatever..not sure. It makes it hard to read the Bible...I feel disconnected from God in many ways.

[cwohio]

welcome mercedes - keep at your recovery. prayers out to you for your continued and renewed faith.

[cmc]

Hello Mercedes, and welcome to SR... I'm glad you stopped by to share and hope to see you here again soon!

[sugarssweetpea]

Hey Mercedes,
Glad to talk to you on another forum. Glad you are still not drinking. I agree that it is hard to read the Bible when we feel disconnected from God, but that is when He wants to hear from us the most. He never leaves us, it is us who wander away from Him. He is just patiently waiting for you to come to Him. I also sometimes do not feel Him when He is carrying me (like in the footprints poem). Let me know how AA goes. I think there are a number of other programs also, if that does not work for you. Also, maybe attend a celebrate recovery group at a church. I will continue to pray for you. Lots of love,