why does he seem so far away

[kats514]

Hi Gang

Just me still trying to hang on and not fall into the pit of dispair i am feeling , and wanting to run away. Feeling these emotions are so hard, and even though I know and believe that Gods purpose for me in all of this will be revieled at some point...sometimes its so hard to feel him or hear him. The noise in my head the one that keeps saying you suck plays over and over. I wear this mask for other people so they dont know i am underneath hurting and scared and so so sorry for the things that i have done, the mask that says i am fully recovered. Except for when your past mistakes are put squarely in your face day after day, interview after interview, and i am forced to talk about those times when i used a drug to run away,and the mask starts to get tighter and tighter and you cant breath and maybe they see, maybe they know i am not all fixed. And God seems so far away....

[cmc]

Kats514
He 'seems' far away but the truth is that he promised to never leave you nor forsake you.....never is a very strong word. In self help groups or in a counseling session alot of people are instructed to not use the words 'never' or 'always' and I agree with that for myself. I say this because although I am created in the image of God and saved by His grace, I am still human and flawed. God is not. He is perfect and good and He loves you. He does not lie- so I encourage you to believe in His integrity- Please read Romans 8. I too have many times when I feel just the same as you describe. What I try to do is exercise my faith and even if it is a blind faith.. that is ok too, maybe even more blessed by God.
Reading the Bible and being with other Christians is also a good way to find your way when times are hard. Trust Him.

[best]

Originally Posted by cmc

Reading the Bible and being with other Christians is also a good way to find your way when times are hard. Trust Him.

Many will save a love poem from that special someone who wrote it in 1st grade.
They will read it over and over again for many years and in doing so, they return to that place of happiness.
God's word... the bible... That is His love poem to us all.
I find that when I stop and read His word, I am brought back to that place of happiness every time. I need step away from my stubborn ole self and read. It is in my control to bring myself back to the joy every time.
Though I can not see God face to face, I can see God in the faces of others.
Smile and show me God's love that fills your heart. Such a smile is not a mask.

Your not alone.

[Grasshopper]

Thank you for taking off your mask.That mask,that shows others im ok,when really im in pain.Thank you for sharring where you are at today.
When im listening to that voice that tells me i suck,.If this message is to help me to grow and learn from,great.But if im obbssed by it,then i need to put my focus,elsewheres for there is no purpose to it,but to keep me down.
God never leaves me,ever.He is my strenght.In times like this i pray more than ever.Keeping the focus on God,s Glory.Only on this.And i find peace,joy returns to my heart and soul.How may i serve Thee?becomes first and formost in my mind.All the rest is "stuff"...That God will bring me through it all.
My prayers are with you,.

[Lazurus]

God is with you. Surrender yourself with all abandon and you will see. He is with you. Jesus died for our sins. If you honestly pray that He forgive you He will. God bless.

[Free to love]

Kats,
It's so scary to face those feelings that you've been running away from for so long. Please believe me when I say it is worth the pain it takes to deal with them. I know exactly how you feel, I've been there. I dealt with things a little at a time. Once I started to deal, it got a little easier dealing with the next.
I had a mask too, even today I find myself putting it on briefly to protect my feelings. It's hard to learn to trust people. But God can be trusted. He will always be there, even if it doesn't feel like it. I started to put my trust in Him & asked Him to help me find trustworthy people & slowly the mask loosened (it took years). After a (long)while, I didn't need it. As I said earlier, I sometimes go back to old habits & want to slap that booger right on.
The noise in your head (I call it noise jam) is worldly teachings & Satan trying to confuse you. At least that's what I found out it was for me. I've heard those same words, "you suck", plus,"you're worthless", "why would God want you, look how many bad things you've done". Well, God don't make junk. In His eyes you don't suck. The things you did may have been wrong, but Jesus died on that cross so you can repent & be forgiven for those things. God hates the sin, but not the sinner.
Accepting God's love was hard for me. I really felt worthless. I started to turn my eyes toward Him & away from those lies. Then, I was in the mountians on a retreat. I was walking alone & admiring the beauty of nature. I said to God, "You sure do make beautiful things." Then a voice came to my head, " I made you too, you are beautiful & I love you". Right then I accepted God's love for me. It was a turning point in my relationship with Him. All along, He was loving me & rejoycing in my seeking Him, but I didn't even know it, until I accepted His love.
Life isn't all milk & honey. I have hard times still. I'm human & I fall into fleshly thinking & action sometimes. Christ is there, waiting for me to learn my lesson, then return to Him.
Let Him love you, Kat. It's a love like you've never known from anyone or anything.
Hope I helped.

[999]

Kats

You are precious to God, He loves you and is working out His purpose in your life.

Thank you for sharing.

[kats514]

Thank you to everyone of you who has posted and shared your love of God with me... I am blessed to be able to in some small measure meet and know each of you. I am grateful..

[toad]

May God grant you serenity as you draw closer through trials. Remember that you have the favor of God in your life! God made a covenant with Abraham that He honors today through your faith in Jesus. You are the seed of Abraham through Jesus Christ. With God's favor on your life the committee that says "You suck," must adjourn. Oh they might call a meeting now and then, but they have no power. "Greater is He who is you than he who is in the world." .....................toad