Is this weird or is just me ?

[Aristo]

I gave a present to me Ex about a year ago - It's a Polar Heart Rate Monitor/Watch - At the time we were excersising a lot and she expressed interest in my HRM so I got her one. I thought it was a nice thing to do.

She never used it though - which is fine, I guess.

I saw her today and explained how I was e-bay'ing a little these days and that I sold my other HRM on e-bay today.

She exclaimed - "I should give you back the one you gave me and you can sell it on e-bay and keep the cash"

I think she was trying to be nice - But I got really insulted that she would want to give back something that was given to her.

Is that weird or am I being silly ?

I know I shouldn't let it worry me - and I will get over it - but I just thing it is plain rude and thoughtless - like she never appreciated the thought behind the gift.

What do yer reckon ??

Aristo

[HERRERA]

Originally Posted by Aristo

I gave a present to me Ex about a year ago - It's a Polar Heart Rate Monitor/Watch - At the time we were excersising a lot and she expressed interest in my HRM so I got her one. I thought it was a nice thing to do.

She never used it though - which is fine, I guess.

I saw her today and explained how I was e-bay'ing a little these days and that I sold my other HRM on e-bay today.

She exclaimed - "I should give you back the one you gave me and you can sell it on e-bay and keep the cash"

I think she was trying to be nice - But I got really insulted that she would want to give back something that was given to her.

Is that weird or am I being silly ?

I know I shouldn't let it worry me - and I will get over it - but I just thing it is plain rude and thoughtless - like she never appreciated the thought behind the gift.

What do yer reckon ??

Aristo

Good Morning Aristo, My name is Isabel and I am an alcoholic/addict and other addictive behavors. Anyways, I can understand what your saying, How do you really feel about this situation? Write those feelings down and talk to your sponsor or go to a meeting and share how you feel. Being just insulted comes with pretty strong feelings behind it. Best suggestion anyone gave me is to let people be where they at and know that I am powerless not only over my addictions also over people,places, and situations. Don't stay on this feeling though, it might become anger and then a resentment. And we can't afford to do that! Well, I hope this helps you. Have a Blessed Day.

[Aristo]

I guess I feel this way because it is something that I would never do - Because I wouldn't want to hurt the feelings of the person that gave me the present.

I guess this is an expectation of mine. And I should't expect others to be like me.

I need to let it go -

But I still think it was bloody rude.......

[BigSis]

Hi Aristo...

I think I am sooo practical, that I would be flattered she was trying to get some "use" out of a gift that turned out to not be as useful as you both first expected. And would never think of being insulted.

Of course, I would never have given a watch... I would probably give a vacuum or something (smile).

One thing I have learned over the years... whether or not I take offense is MY choice.

[Aristo]

Hi Big Sis -

I'm sure she thinks the same way as you. And I do see the 'logical' side of this situation - but there is an emotional side for me - this is the issue I am trying to deal with.

I dunno - how would you feel if someone who you gave a present to - came to you 6 months later and gave you $200 and said - I didn't use the present you gave me - so sold it - here you can have the cash back.

Doesn't sit right with me at all.

Is this something I have to get over - or are my feeling justified ??

I feel that if I didn't have these feeliings then I wouldn't care - And I don't want to not care

[HERRERA]

Originally Posted by Aristo

Hi Big Sis -

I'm sure she thinks the same way as you. And I do see the 'logical' side of this situation - but there is an emotional side for me - this is the issue I am trying to deal with. You aren't tryin to deal with it you are by letting those feelings out-

I dunno - how would you feel if someone who you gave a present to - came to you 6 months later and gave you $200 and said - I didn't use the present you gave me - so sold it - here you can have the cash back. I'd feel unappriciated,
however, according to my mind, I would't make a big deal out of it,"That's just me though" Please understand I really understand where you are coming from and know that "This to shall Pass".....
Doesn't sit right with me at all.

Is this something I have to get over - or are my feeling justified ?? Get over . That's just my suggestion only.

I feel that if I didn't have these feeliings then I wouldn't care - And I don't want to not care

That's good that you are feeling now, I remember pouring alcohol/drugs and men over my hurt feelings. When I finally surrendered to this program, My expectations of others was always high so my serenity level was low, I changed the way I think about people,things,and situations. I catch my feelings getting hurt by my family time to time by the little remarks they say and without hesatation I cry,pray, or let them know calmly how they hurt my feelings. Maybe that's what you should do with your ex is tell her the same thing you telling me. Best wishes to you. Read this from the very top, i quoted some questions you had.

[leviathon]

I agree w/ big sis on this one... but my older sis used to do stuff like that all the time... did I say used tooooo... anyway point is, choice of whether to be offended or not is yours... if she was trying to be nice, then maybe you need to look at your own feelings... what was your motive? was it really just to be nice or were you hoping to stoke the fires of her heart... even just a little?

Peace Levi

[Aristo]

I am trying to examine my feelings on this - I did give the present to her 6 months ago - and my intention then was to give her something nice, useful and something that she seemingly took interest in (as she was asking me all about mine and wanted to give it a go) So I got her one - There was no reason - no birthday or anything - I just did it because I wanted too.

When she didn't use the present - I thought - Oh well, it was the thought that counted - At least she is keeping it for posterity or what ever.

But giving it back to me - seems to me to be a bit insensitive and ungrateful.

I guess the circumstance needs to be experienced as on paper - it is easy to just see the black and white of it.

It's one thing to give a gift like a shirt that is too small or the wrong colour and at the time of the giving - tell the giver, oh, its the wrong size or colour - would you be OK if I exchanged it for something else.

But to hang on the the gift for 6 months then offer to give it back is a bit of a kick in the guts - If she didn't want it - she should have told me when I gave it to her.

Maybe I should just take it back and sell it and then spend the money on myself - stuff it !

Or a better idea - give the money to charity - someone who would appreciate the gift.

Yes - I am still a little mad about this - Not only because it happened by because I hear all your comments that I should look at myself to see why I took offense. I would have though anyone in my situation would have taken offence - Am I not allowed to feel like that ?

I feel that if I were to be so un an-attached to feeling like this - I would just be numb and have no feelings for anything.

/rant over.

[GeorgiaPeach]

I don't think tha she meant anything by it but maybe she has moved on and you haven't? The things that my ex gave me mean nothing to me anymore and I really could care less about them and if he wanted to give me something back that I gave him then I would take it and use it or sell it or whatever I wanted because that was MY money that was used to buy the thing that I really don;t want that person to have anymore anyway. We always but stupidly expensive things for our "loved ones" but when it doesn't work out then we regret the gift but only if it is truely over and there are still no feelings. Maybe this just showed you that she is over you but you are not over her? Maybe that is what you are really upset over. You think, just my 2 cents.

GP

[Hope]

I have learned from my own experience that it is easier to take things personally when things are very important and mean a lot to us. I have done that many times before.

Maybe she just said it without really thinking ,kind of like an impulse thing. She probably didn't mean to offend you and was maybe thinking of a way to help you out since you were ebaying to earn some extra cash.

You are doing well to talk about your feelings. It is better to get them out rather than to keep them bottled up. Your feelings are valid.