So Much to handle at once - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Lollipop · 06-23-2006, 10:22 AM

Hiyas All.....
This is a vent/ yell for support post....sorry if it is a little long and ty for reading......

In the last 48 hours, here is the low down on whats up on my end....

1st.... .
We have a friend who has stage 4 terminal cancer, (He is ate up with it, I am trying to come to terms that we dont have much time with him, and he is like a brother so it is VERY hard) Hubby and I do most of the taking care of things for him, I.E. upkeep on his house, meals, shopping, to and from Chemo and radiation daily etc. Oh btw this man is 50 yrs. old.
Hubby briings him home from radiation Wednesday evening, 2 hours later we are at his house fixing dinner etc. and discover he has accidentally overdosed himself on oxycotton, morphine pills and vicodin (which he took with rum and cokes).....911 is called, they get him stable, he is much better and refuses to go to the ER. He is doing better though as far as the drugs, I guess coming to and having 3 ER personal, my hubby, and a cop standing over him totally freaked him out, but still, he is now addicted to the pills, guess it doesnt matter as he is in so much pain and it wont be long anyway but I STILL dont want to lose him to overdose, so now we are monitoring the meds very carefully as well.
then yesterday.....Get a call from the Doc. He doesnt like the looks of my Dads test results (Dad has COPD and Emphazeima (sp??) and only breathes at 33% lung capacity) Anyway, Doc. wants more tests because he suspects lung cancer, trying to be positive here but the physical signs fit. We go Monday for the tests and will know next week.
Dad is terrified and sitting at the table drinking and smoking his brains out, he doesnt want to die, I dont WANT him to either, he swears that if the results are neg. he is going to quit everything......uh huh, I will believe it when I see it.But Im scared.
This news and the stress is making the physical symptoms as well as the emotional ones of the Parkonsis disease WAY worse on my Mom. Her mood swings are off the wall, she is shaking 10 times worse then usual, and now she is having spasms in her back and can barely walk.
So here I am, still havent touched a drop of alcohol since the 11th of this month and asking myself WTF!!!! Not a good time to quit,(as if there is ever a good time) I feel like all of this is just a set up to fail!! I am fighting it BIGTIME believe me and I feel so selfish because Im thinking DAMNIT!!! Why is all this S**T happening NOW when for once in my life I dunno if I can be the strong one and stay sober at the same time but yet I have no choice, I AM the strong one!!!! So much for my needed support, once again, the S**T falls on Liss cuz Liss WILL take care of it and everyone.......as always!!
Craaaaapppppp....Now I feel stupid and weak for even writing this post and Im tempted to delete it but I wont cuz maybe I will feel better, cant hurt I guess......
Oh and BTW, today is my wedding anniversary........all I wanna do is get freakin drunk and forget just one more day.........but Im fighting..........for now
Liss

igfan · 06-23-2006, 10:57 AM

First of all Liss, don't feel stupid...it's good that you started this post. If anything, it's good to get your feelings out in the open. Second, i'm sorry for all that you're going through right now. I can't imagine what it must be like and i'm not sure that i'd be able to do it sober so you're a stronger woman than me. I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, if you believe in a HP then by all means look to it now. If you're involved in AA, then call on some of your friends in the program for support. I don't have much advice on this cause i honestly don't know how i would handle it. Hang in there, my thoughts are with you. KEEP POSTING!

cheryl

Lollipop · 06-23-2006, 02:00 PM

Thanks Cheryl,
well, Hubby and I were able to escape for a couple hours and go see a movie, I went out half wat through to go to the restroom, had to walk by the bar (yeah they even have a bar in the theater lobby......blew my mind, guess the agoraphobia has kept me in longer then I thought) Anyhoo, I made it past it without stopping but I am having the WORST cravings for a real beer/shot/drink..........right now, anything............Im fighting though........it is so tiring!!!!
Love Liss

Hope · 06-23-2006, 02:34 PM

I'm so sorry that you are going through so much! That is A LOT that you have to deal with. Just remember, be gentle with yourself and don't pressure yourself too much. I know that it is easy to get overloaded and feel that you have to be the strong one for everyone else, but right now is the time that you need to take extra good care of YOU. I know that is easier said that done, but I just want you to know that you are not alone. I am thinking of you! Keep talking about it....we are here to listen!!

(((((((((Liss))))))))))))

janeeyre · 06-23-2006, 05:31 PM

Holy Paschmoley, Liss! You really do have a lot going on. (And I am amazed that they have A BAR at the movie theater! It's not like that "out West" where I live.)

I'm sorry I don't have anything particularly helpful to offer, but please know you're not alone in your struggle. I'm really glad you're here in the Cafe'.

Take care,
Jane

Aristo · 06-23-2006, 05:37 PM

Keep stong L.Pop. You are doing great !

My goodness you are going through a lot at the moment - sending you some good thoughts to get through it all now - are you ready to receive ??? buzzzzz - there done. Feeling better now ? I hope so . Are you smiling ? I hope so.

Stay strong and keep posting

Aristo

Lollipop · 06-23-2006, 07:51 PM

Thanks Ya'll!!!!!!
Yup!!! I am smiling!!!

Extremly worn out and headed off to bed soon, have to have Mom to a parkonsis seminar fairly early in the mornin and then I have got to weed the flower beds and garden.....hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I really appreciate all the support from everyone!!! Hubby made me a steak dinner after the movie, we sat on the patio for a bit and he helped me through it.....along with you guys!!! I gotta admit, when we got out of the movie, I couldnt get home fast enough to get on the threads!!!!!

Oh and BTW.....NO alcohol!!!! Not a drop and the craving has momentarily passed. I honestly dont think I would touch one if someone set it in front of me right now, I am just so tired!!! With that said, I am going to take my seizure meds and curl up with a book until I fall asleep......dont think it will be long LOL
Thanks again, hope all is well and Everyone has had a wonderful day!!!!

Love Liss

c'est la vie · 06-26-2006, 04:56 AM

Maybe this actually is a good time to quit. You will be clear minded to make decisions and physically capable of doing what's necessary. That doesn't mean AT ALL that you must drop all care for yourself and do everything for others. It's good that you went to the movies and enjoyed your steak dinner, since it shows that you are thinking of yourself and not getting lost in the chaos. If you were drinking, perhaps you wouldn't have done that.

Lollipop · 06-26-2006, 05:53 AM

Good Mornin All....

Busy day for me today, Im out the door here in a sec. I have to drive an hour away to get my dog to our vet for surgery this mornin, then its an hour back and take Dad 30 min away to have tests done, then bring him home and drive back to get my dog!!! Whew, Im worn out just thinking about it but it is keeping me busy LOL!! I will check in later, Hope ya'll have a wonderful day!!!!!

Love Liss

igfan · 06-26-2006, 05:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lollipop

Good Mornin All....

Busy day for me today, Im out the door here in a sec. I have to drive an hour away to get my dog to our vet for surgery this mornin, then its an hour back and take Dad 30 min away to have tests done, then bring him home and drive back to get my dog!!! Whew, Im worn out just thinking about it but it is keeping me busy LOL!! I will check in later, Hope ya'll have a wonderful day!!!!!

Love Liss

Hi Liss,
just want to let you know i'm thinking about ya and i hope everything goes well today. I hope you like being in the car cause it sounds like that's where you're going to be most of the day - LOL. Hang in there, you're doing great!
Cheryl

Lollipop · 06-26-2006, 08:34 AM

Good Mornin Cheryl, and thank you!!!! I hate being in the car but .........gotta do whatcha gotta do sometimes I guess LOL.....Just got home from dropping my dog off, it broke my heart, big 6 year old rottie baby, he has never been away from me so I had to leave the room before hubby cuz I felt soooo guilty that I couldnt look at him, he was lookin at me with those big sad eyes and the lil brown dots movin, I could hear him askin me "whey are you leaving me here mom???" lol.

Now here in a bit its back out the door again LOL.........I should sleep good tonite though

Will update later!!!! HAGD!!!

Love Liss

Lollipop · 06-28-2006, 07:03 PM

Update.....

Well, we cant get my Dads results until Friday morning so now we sit and play the waiting game...... Im worried though, he is in a ton of pain for no apparent reason.
My dog did great and all his bloodwork came back with a big thumbs up so now we just wait until the bitch I picked goes in to heat again (should be in the next month or 2) and then we breed them.......I am very excited about this, I get the pick of the litter, I cant wait for a new puppy!!!!!
As for my friend with stage 4 cancer, I just found out that he was given WEEKS now instead of possibly 2 years to live, this is shredding my emotionally, I have known we probably didnt have more then 6 months but WEEKS!!!

Im heart broken. We will find out more on him tomorrow.
Liss

Sugasnaps · 06-28-2006, 07:10 PM

Oh Lolli I'm so sorry you are going through such a rollercoaster on the emotional level right now. I'm holding good thoughts for your Pop's results. I'm sorry about your friend. Losing someone you love is so hard. Sometimes I think a sudden loss is better than a pre-known-about one but then I think maybe it really isn't cuz so much gets left unsaid. Take the time and say everything you want your friend to know and just I dunno, I guess since there isn't anything you can do about it just offer your friend a hand along this stretch of his journey.

And a new puppy! I hope the new one is as cute as your avatar. Puppies just make me smile... their waggy tails... their licks... rambunctious scampering and mischief making. Sooooo fun.

{{hugs to you}} Hang in there we're thinking of you

Suga

Lollipop · 06-29-2006, 11:09 AM

Thanks Sugasnaps!
TY for the compliment on my avatar, he is truely my spoiled baby!!! Nothing like what the majority percieves as a rottweiler!

To give a quick update,
Kurt (my friend with the stage 4 cancer) had his radiation this mornin and then the big conference with the doctor. It is worse then we expected Im afraid.......
At the last stage, where he is now, and the severity of the tumors and things, (he also has it in his blood, spine, brain etc....he is Literally ate up with it!)
The doctor informed us this mornin that he gives him 2 weeks realistically, and 2 months optimistically.
Heres the thing, he has 3 more radiation treatments left, then a 2 week break and then they will test to see if his blood count is up enough to start the next round of chemo.......they are mainly doing this because it is so bad that the treatments are basically only keeping the tumors from growing anymore and the pain from getting worse. Hospice has stepped in partially at this point mainly in order to get him familiar with his contact and they will help monitor his meds etc, this way everything is in order for full time hospice once the treatments stop.
He lives 2 blocks from me, I see him faithfully every day and hubby and I continue to take care of everything, I spent a few hours with him yesterday, he is in pretty good spirits considering, the only somewhat negative thing he has really said about it is that he thought he would pull through and is disapointed that he cant. I am really angry right now, I know I have no right to be, but I am, I had come to terms that we were looking at maybe 6 months and I was ok because that was still enough time to do the one thing that he so very badly wants to do before he dies......him and hubby and I to fly to Az. where his older brother is buried, and see his grave. (he was a child when his older brother was killed in an accident) Kurt has never seen his grave.
At this point, he is too weak to even fly out with special care, I was just holdng on and hoping that once this latest round of radiation was done, that he would have enough strength to go but it isnt going to happen. So I guess Im having my own little pity party at the moment and asking WHY???? I already know the answers but Im still pissed off at the moment, and no I wont drink today, and yes, this to shall pass.........
Sorry, the update turned into a rant, Im just so emotionally tired and sad, my depression is at an all time high and the agoraphobia is biting at my heels to overcome again. I am fighting though, Im always fighting.

GeorgiaPeach · 06-29-2006, 11:36 AM

I wonder if there is anyone who lives near where his brother is buried, even someone here on SR, who could maybe go and video the gravesite and then sent it back to you so that he can at least see if. Maybe not in person but he could see it. I know how you feel. I am the one in my family that everyone calls on when there is a problem and I am supposed to be able to fix everything. I am tired most of the time and don't have a lot of time for myself but my husband & I have started having a date night. Every Friday night we go out to dinner, just the two of us. It is very nice and quiet and I look forward to it each week! I am sorry that you are going through all of this but be strong and don't give in!

GP

NYCGirl · 06-29-2006, 06:58 PM

Hey Liss,
I so wish I had the right words that would just make it all okay. If It was only that easy. You seem so strong, and for your freind needs to stay strong.
I don't know how you fell about relgion, but I always have believed that God will only give us what we have the strength to handle.

Lollipop · 07-01-2006, 06:32 AM

Thanks All,

We found out my Dads test results yesterday but I am just so tired of everything that I just kinda skipped around the boards yesterday and gave myself a break.
Dads results were NEGATIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is still a lot going on and more tests to be done but no lung cancer so that is some good news!!!!!! As for Kurt, it is one day at a time now, he had a really tough day yesterday with a lot of pain but he is still trying to stay strong!
I am thinking about sitting down and composing a letter to him, talking about all the fun and crazy things we have all done and letting him know that he will never be forgotten and will always be missed. Is that too morbid? He and I have talked many times but I do really well when putting it on paper and I thought maybe it would be something for him to pick up and draw strength from when he is down. What do ya'll think?
Love Liss

NYCGirl · 07-01-2006, 09:00 AM

I think that's a great idea, he'll have sopmething to pick up and read even when your not around.

Happy to hear about your Dad's test results.

GeorgiaPeach · 07-03-2006, 09:04 AM

I think it is a great idea also. Sometimes you can put on paper what you can't get out in words by speaking. Any luck on Arizona?

Lollipop · 07-03-2006, 12:19 PM

Thanks!!!!!
No word on Az. as of yet, Im trying to figure something out, I dont have anyone that could video tape it from there and he says he doesnt want to see it if he cant be there. The doc. still says NO WAY on him traveling so we will see. He did have a great night Saturday, he was here until after midnite!!! I got him all set up in a chair with pillows etc, brought him his dinner plate and drinks etc. He even felt good yesterday after being up so long! Maybe Ill get lucky and he will get that major burst of strength for a couple weeks before we lose him and if so, Im going to Az.!
Love Liss

Hope · 07-03-2006, 04:38 PM

Hey Liss,

I'm so glad that your dad's test results were negative!! That is great news!

Love,
Cheryl

NYCGirl · 07-05-2006, 07:30 PM

Hi Lizz,

Just though I'd check in and see how your Dad and your freind is doing?

P.S. and of course you too!

Lollipop · 07-05-2006, 08:08 PM

NY
Thanks, Im doing ok, fell over the dog in the middle of the night and twisted my ankle so Ive not been as busy today.LOL But sober still so thats a good thing. My Dad goes for bloodwork and Testing again Thursday morning.... The doctors are stumped, All the signs of some sort of cancer but none that they can find, he also has some sort of hormone imbalance in his thyroid?!?! So we are still at a stand still. I am calling the surgeon tomorrow to see when surgery on his leg arteries will be.

As for my friend Kurt, he is still holding his own, he finished radiation today and is pretty weak. We will know how his blood is come Friday when we go for an update and to see if it will be worth it for him to even mess with the last round of Chemo. He is having trouble swallowing now but I am hoping it is from the radiation and will improve some. Meanwhile, the part time help from hospice has been a blessing for me as they do some of the running for him that I was soley doing until now, that has freed me up a little so that I can catch up around here LOL...........

Sooooo............... How are YOU doing my friend?????? Update me, I hope all is well on your end!

Love Liss

NYCGirl · 07-05-2006, 08:29 PM

Ouch, sorry to hear about the ankle.

I'm doing good, I'm over my one day relaspe just finished day 5. I fibbed a bit this weekend and told everyone that I hadn't drank in almosst a month. They would of laughed at me and offered me a drink if I said i quit for the 4th of July weekend.

it was kind of a crazy one, a drunken brawl broke out at my party, made me that much happier that I was sober.

Gotta go, have some school work to do. I''l add more tomorrow.

P.S. watch that dog tonight. I know, put one of those glow necklacees around his neck lol.

06-23-2006, 10:22 AM	#1 (permalink)
Lollipop Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 859	So Much to handle at once Hiyas All..... This is a vent/ yell for support post....sorry if it is a little long and ty for reading...... In the last 48 hours, here is the low down on whats up on my end.... 1st.... . We have a friend who has stage 4 terminal cancer, (He is ate up with it, I am trying to come to terms that we dont have much time with him, and he is like a brother so it is VERY hard) Hubby and I do most of the taking care of things for him, I.E. upkeep on his house, meals, shopping, to and from Chemo and radiation daily etc. Oh btw this man is 50 yrs. old. Hubby briings him home from radiation Wednesday evening, 2 hours later we are at his house fixing dinner etc. and discover he has accidentally overdosed himself on oxycotton, morphine pills and vicodin (which he took with rum and cokes).....911 is called, they get him stable, he is much better and refuses to go to the ER. He is doing better though as far as the drugs, I guess coming to and having 3 ER personal, my hubby, and a cop standing over him totally freaked him out, but still, he is now addicted to the pills, guess it doesnt matter as he is in so much pain and it wont be long anyway but I STILL dont want to lose him to overdose, so now we are monitoring the meds very carefully as well. then yesterday.....Get a call from the Doc. He doesnt like the looks of my Dads test results (Dad has COPD and Emphazeima (sp??) and only breathes at 33% lung capacity) Anyway, Doc. wants more tests because he suspects lung cancer, trying to be positive here but the physical signs fit. We go Monday for the tests and will know next week. Dad is terrified and sitting at the table drinking and smoking his brains out, he doesnt want to die, I dont WANT him to either, he swears that if the results are neg. he is going to quit everything......uh huh, I will believe it when I see it.But Im scared. This news and the stress is making the physical symptoms as well as the emotional ones of the Parkonsis disease WAY worse on my Mom. Her mood swings are off the wall, she is shaking 10 times worse then usual, and now she is having spasms in her back and can barely walk. So here I am, still havent touched a drop of alcohol since the 11th of this month and asking myself WTF!!!! Not a good time to quit,(as if there is ever a good time) I feel like all of this is just a set up to fail!! I am fighting it BIGTIME believe me and I feel so selfish because Im thinking DAMNIT!!! Why is all this ST happening NOW when for once in my life I dunno if I can be the strong one and stay sober at the same time but yet I have no choice, I AM the strong one!!!! So much for my needed support, once again, the ST falls on Liss cuz Liss WILL take care of it and everyone.......as always!! Craaaaapppppp....Now I feel stupid and weak for even writing this post and Im tempted to delete it but I wont cuz maybe I will feel better, cant hurt I guess...... Oh and BTW, today is my wedding anniversary........all I wanna do is get freakin drunk and forget just one more day.........but Im fighting..........for now Liss

06-23-2006, 05:37 PM	#6 (permalink)
Aristo Resentment Building Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia Posts: 163	Keep stong L.Pop. You are doing great ! My goodness you are going through a lot at the moment - sending you some good thoughts to get through it all now - are you ready to receive ??? buzzzzz - there done. Feeling better now ? I hope so . Are you smiling ? I hope so. Stay strong and keep posting Aristo __________________ Sorry, I had a resentment.

06-28-2006, 07:10 PM	#13 (permalink)
Sugasnaps Living and Loving. Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Saratoga, California Posts: 476	Oh Lolli I'm so sorry you are going through such a rollercoaster on the emotional level right now. I'm holding good thoughts for your Pop's results. I'm sorry about your friend. Losing someone you love is so hard. Sometimes I think a sudden loss is better than a pre-known-about one but then I think maybe it really isn't cuz so much gets left unsaid. Take the time and say everything you want your friend to know and just I dunno, I guess since there isn't anything you can do about it just offer your friend a hand along this stretch of his journey. And a new puppy! I hope the new one is as cute as your avatar. Puppies just make me smile... their waggy tails... their licks... rambunctious scampering and mischief making. Sooooo fun. {{hugs to you}} Hang in there we're thinking of you Suga __________________ "Gimme sum suga baby!"

06-29-2006, 11:36 AM	#15 (permalink)
GeorgiaPeach Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 491	I wonder if there is anyone who lives near where his brother is buried, even someone here on SR, who could maybe go and video the gravesite and then sent it back to you so that he can at least see if. Maybe not in person but he could see it. I know how you feel. I am the one in my family that everyone calls on when there is a problem and I am supposed to be able to fix everything. I am tired most of the time and don't have a lot of time for myself but my husband & I have started having a date night. Every Friday night we go out to dinner, just the two of us. It is very nice and quiet and I look forward to it each week! I am sorry that you are going through all of this but be strong and don't give in! GP __________________ The Future Belongs to Those Who Believe in the Beauty of Their Dreams.-Elanor Roosevelt

07-03-2006, 09:04 AM	#19 (permalink)
GeorgiaPeach Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 491	I think it is a great idea also. Sometimes you can put on paper what you can't get out in words by speaking. Any luck on Arizona? __________________ The Future Belongs to Those Who Believe in the Beauty of Their Dreams.-Elanor Roosevelt

06-23-2006, 10:57 AM	#2 (permalink)
igfan Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 782	First of all Liss, don't feel stupid...it's good that you started this post. If anything, it's good to get your feelings out in the open. Second, i'm sorry for all that you're going through right now. I can't imagine what it must be like and i'm not sure that i'd be able to do it sober so you're a stronger woman than me. I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, if you believe in a HP then by all means look to it now. If you're involved in AA, then call on some of your friends in the program for support. I don't have much advice on this cause i honestly don't know how i would handle it. Hang in there, my thoughts are with you. KEEP POSTING! cheryl

06-23-2006, 02:00 PM	#3 (permalink)
Lollipop Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 859	Thanks Cheryl, well, Hubby and I were able to escape for a couple hours and go see a movie, I went out half wat through to go to the restroom, had to walk by the bar (yeah they even have a bar in the theater lobby......blew my mind, guess the agoraphobia has kept me in longer then I thought) Anyhoo, I made it past it without stopping but I am having the WORST cravings for a real beer/shot/drink..........right now, anything............Im fighting though........it is so tiring!!!! Love Liss

06-23-2006, 02:34 PM	#4 (permalink)
Hope Getting Better All The Time Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Recovering Posts: 3,211	I'm so sorry that you are going through so much! That is A LOT that you have to deal with. Just remember, be gentle with yourself and don't pressure yourself too much. I know that it is easy to get overloaded and feel that you have to be the strong one for everyone else, but right now is the time that you need to take extra good care of YOU. I know that is easier said that done, but I just want you to know that you are not alone. I am thinking of you! Keep talking about it....we are here to listen!! (((((((((Liss))))))))))))

06-23-2006, 05:31 PM	#5 (permalink)
janeeyre Guest Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 1,526	Holy Paschmoley, Liss! You really do have a lot going on. (And I am amazed that they have A BAR at the movie theater! It's not like that "out West" where I live.) I'm sorry I don't have anything particularly helpful to offer, but please know you're not alone in your struggle. I'm really glad you're here in the Cafe'. Take care, Jane

06-23-2006, 07:51 PM	#7 (permalink)
Lollipop Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 859	Thanks Ya'll!!!!!! Yup!!! I am smiling!!! Extremly worn out and headed off to bed soon, have to have Mom to a parkonsis seminar fairly early in the mornin and then I have got to weed the flower beds and garden.....hopefully tomorrow will be better. I really appreciate all the support from everyone!!! Hubby made me a steak dinner after the movie, we sat on the patio for a bit and he helped me through it.....along with you guys!!! I gotta admit, when we got out of the movie, I couldnt get home fast enough to get on the threads!!!!! Oh and BTW.....NO alcohol!!!! Not a drop and the craving has momentarily passed. I honestly dont think I would touch one if someone set it in front of me right now, I am just so tired!!! With that said, I am going to take my seizure meds and curl up with a book until I fall asleep......dont think it will be long LOL Thanks again, hope all is well and Everyone has had a wonderful day!!!! Love Liss

06-26-2006, 04:56 AM	#8 (permalink)
c'est la vie Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: in a better place Posts: 1,397	Maybe this actually is a good time to quit. You will be clear minded to make decisions and physically capable of doing what's necessary. That doesn't mean AT ALL that you must drop all care for yourself and do everything for others. It's good that you went to the movies and enjoyed your steak dinner, since it shows that you are thinking of yourself and not getting lost in the chaos. If you were drinking, perhaps you wouldn't have done that.

06-26-2006, 05:53 AM	#9 (permalink)
Lollipop Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 859	Good Mornin All.... Busy day for me today, Im out the door here in a sec. I have to drive an hour away to get my dog to our vet for surgery this mornin, then its an hour back and take Dad 30 min away to have tests done, then bring him home and drive back to get my dog!!! Whew, Im worn out just thinking about it but it is keeping me busy LOL!! I will check in later, Hope ya'll have a wonderful day!!!!! Love Liss

06-26-2006, 08:34 AM	#11 (permalink)
Lollipop Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 859	Good Mornin Cheryl, and thank you!!!! I hate being in the car but .........gotta do whatcha gotta do sometimes I guess LOL.....Just got home from dropping my dog off, it broke my heart, big 6 year old rottie baby, he has never been away from me so I had to leave the room before hubby cuz I felt soooo guilty that I couldnt look at him, he was lookin at me with those big sad eyes and the lil brown dots movin, I could hear him askin me "whey are you leaving me here mom???" lol. Now here in a bit its back out the door again LOL.........I should sleep good tonite though Will update later!!!! HAGD!!! Love Liss

06-28-2006, 07:03 PM	#12 (permalink)
Lollipop Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 859	Update..... Well, we cant get my Dads results until Friday morning so now we sit and play the waiting game...... Im worried though, he is in a ton of pain for no apparent reason. My dog did great and all his bloodwork came back with a big thumbs up so now we just wait until the bitch I picked goes in to heat again (should be in the next month or 2) and then we breed them.......I am very excited about this, I get the pick of the litter, I cant wait for a new puppy!!!!! As for my friend with stage 4 cancer, I just found out that he was given WEEKS now instead of possibly 2 years to live, this is shredding my emotionally, I have known we probably didnt have more then 6 months but WEEKS!!! Im heart broken. We will find out more on him tomorrow. Liss

06-29-2006, 11:09 AM	#14 (permalink)
Lollipop Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 859	Thanks Sugasnaps! TY for the compliment on my avatar, he is truely my spoiled baby!!! Nothing like what the majority percieves as a rottweiler! To give a quick update, Kurt (my friend with the stage 4 cancer) had his radiation this mornin and then the big conference with the doctor. It is worse then we expected Im afraid....... At the last stage, where he is now, and the severity of the tumors and things, (he also has it in his blood, spine, brain etc....he is Literally ate up with it!) The doctor informed us this mornin that he gives him 2 weeks realistically, and 2 months optimistically. Heres the thing, he has 3 more radiation treatments left, then a 2 week break and then they will test to see if his blood count is up enough to start the next round of chemo.......they are mainly doing this because it is so bad that the treatments are basically only keeping the tumors from growing anymore and the pain from getting worse. Hospice has stepped in partially at this point mainly in order to get him familiar with his contact and they will help monitor his meds etc, this way everything is in order for full time hospice once the treatments stop. He lives 2 blocks from me, I see him faithfully every day and hubby and I continue to take care of everything, I spent a few hours with him yesterday, he is in pretty good spirits considering, the only somewhat negative thing he has really said about it is that he thought he would pull through and is disapointed that he cant. I am really angry right now, I know I have no right to be, but I am, I had come to terms that we were looking at maybe 6 months and I was ok because that was still enough time to do the one thing that he so very badly wants to do before he dies......him and hubby and I to fly to Az. where his older brother is buried, and see his grave. (he was a child when his older brother was killed in an accident) Kurt has never seen his grave. At this point, he is too weak to even fly out with special care, I was just holdng on and hoping that once this latest round of radiation was done, that he would have enough strength to go but it isnt going to happen. So I guess Im having my own little pity party at the moment and asking WHY???? I already know the answers but Im still pissed off at the moment, and no I wont drink today, and yes, this to shall pass......... Sorry, the update turned into a rant, Im just so emotionally tired and sad, my depression is at an all time high and the agoraphobia is biting at my heels to overcome again. I am fighting though, Im always fighting.

06-29-2006, 06:58 PM	#16 (permalink)
NYCGirl Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Finding out what I have been missing! Posts: 1,013	Hey Liss, I so wish I had the right words that would just make it all okay. If It was only that easy. You seem so strong, and for your freind needs to stay strong. I don't know how you fell about relgion, but I always have believed that God will only give us what we have the strength to handle.

07-01-2006, 06:32 AM	#17 (permalink)
Lollipop Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 859	Thanks All, We found out my Dads test results yesterday but I am just so tired of everything that I just kinda skipped around the boards yesterday and gave myself a break. Dads results were NEGATIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is still a lot going on and more tests to be done but no lung cancer so that is some good news!!!!!! As for Kurt, it is one day at a time now, he had a really tough day yesterday with a lot of pain but he is still trying to stay strong! I am thinking about sitting down and composing a letter to him, talking about all the fun and crazy things we have all done and letting him know that he will never be forgotten and will always be missed. Is that too morbid? He and I have talked many times but I do really well when putting it on paper and I thought maybe it would be something for him to pick up and draw strength from when he is down. What do ya'll think? Love Liss

07-01-2006, 09:00 AM	#18 (permalink)
NYCGirl Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Finding out what I have been missing! Posts: 1,013	I think that's a great idea, he'll have sopmething to pick up and read even when your not around. Happy to hear about your Dad's test results.

07-03-2006, 12:19 PM	#20 (permalink)
Lollipop Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 859	Thanks!!!!! No word on Az. as of yet, Im trying to figure something out, I dont have anyone that could video tape it from there and he says he doesnt want to see it if he cant be there. The doc. still says NO WAY on him traveling so we will see. He did have a great night Saturday, he was here until after midnite!!! I got him all set up in a chair with pillows etc, brought him his dinner plate and drinks etc. He even felt good yesterday after being up so long! Maybe Ill get lucky and he will get that major burst of strength for a couple weeks before we lose him and if so, Im going to Az.! Love Liss

07-03-2006, 04:38 PM	#21 (permalink)
Hope Getting Better All The Time Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Recovering Posts: 3,211	Hey Liss, I'm so glad that your dad's test results were negative!! That is great news! Love, Cheryl

07-05-2006, 07:30 PM	#22 (permalink)
NYCGirl Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Finding out what I have been missing! Posts: 1,013	Hi Lizz, Just though I'd check in and see how your Dad and your freind is doing? P.S. and of course you too!

07-05-2006, 08:08 PM	#23 (permalink)
Lollipop Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 859	NY Thanks, Im doing ok, fell over the dog in the middle of the night and twisted my ankle so Ive not been as busy today.LOL But sober still so thats a good thing. My Dad goes for bloodwork and Testing again Thursday morning.... The doctors are stumped, All the signs of some sort of cancer but none that they can find, he also has some sort of hormone imbalance in his thyroid?!?! So we are still at a stand still. I am calling the surgeon tomorrow to see when surgery on his leg arteries will be. As for my friend Kurt, he is still holding his own, he finished radiation today and is pretty weak. We will know how his blood is come Friday when we go for an update and to see if it will be worth it for him to even mess with the last round of Chemo. He is having trouble swallowing now but I am hoping it is from the radiation and will improve some. Meanwhile, the part time help from hospice has been a blessing for me as they do some of the running for him that I was soley doing until now, that has freed me up a little so that I can catch up around here LOL........... Sooooo............... How are YOU doing my friend?????? Update me, I hope all is well on your end! Love Liss

07-05-2006, 08:29 PM	#24 (permalink)
NYCGirl Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Finding out what I have been missing! Posts: 1,013	Ouch, sorry to hear about the ankle. I'm doing good, I'm over my one day relaspe just finished day 5. I fibbed a bit this weekend and told everyone that I hadn't drank in almosst a month. They would of laughed at me and offered me a drink if I said i quit for the 4th of July weekend. it was kind of a crazy one, a drunken brawl broke out at my party, made me that much happier that I was sober. Gotta go, have some school work to do. I''l add more tomorrow. P.S. watch that dog tonight. I know, put one of those glow necklacees around his neck lol.