Husband just lost his job. I need any advice I can get to help him!

[praying4peace]

Please, anyone out there who has gone through this or who can offer me any advice at all about what to say to my husband to help him, I would be so very grateful! I'm at a total loss -- we're both in shock, but he's also acting very depressed and I just don't know what to do or say. He just wants to be left alone right now, but eventually we're going to have to figure this out. I'm just so afraid of saying or doing the "wrong" thing! Help!!!

[ru4outoo]

I was laid off from my previous job Dec 28 2004, I was shocked but not shocked if that makes sense. I know it is tough and it hurts the ego. Just tell him you love him and support him, sometimes words wont do anything but actions will. Encourage him to go sign up for unemployment benefits, it does help. and maybe help him write a resume. just my 2 cents.

[best]

Support would come in the way of encouragement and praise.

" We will be ok
"I am confident in you that we will get through this
"You will find another job
"No matter what is to come, we will get through it
" Someone with your brains and skils will find another job fast enough
"I believe in you


Believe and trust in what he can do and encourage him to do it.
If it takes 2 days or 2 months, keep up the support efforts.
If he finds a lessor job, be thankful for what is found and maybe encourage him to keep looking if the need is there.

Getting canned can pull down the self esteem. With the support of encouragement and praise, the self esteem can get lifted and the confidence needed for job interviews will be there.
Above all...pray

[best]

We all need a good kick in the caboose now and then to keep us moving in the right direction!

The kick is needed many times but the kick can be praise and encouragement, not a shoe.

[pedagogue]

Also make sure to tell him:

*A job does not define him, it is simply a job
*You are here for support

Losing a job is not only a shot to the wallet, but one to the ego, and a person's confidence.

-p

[praying4peace]

Thank you so much for your posts. They confirmed what I've been feeling is the right thing to do. My first responses to him when he came home today with the news (only an hour after having left for work), was to tell him how much I love him and that we would get through this together. I also have my Christian faith to fall back on, should things get "hairy"...

This, too, shall pass.

The suggestions of things to do/say to help things along were right on target, I believe. I know a man's career defines a huge part him and his self-esteem, and can only imagine how devastating it must be to suddenly have it taken away. My husband's job paid very well (he'll continue to get paid through June 2006), which allowed me to stay home to raise our daughter, who is now three. I'm happy living with the basics -- I was raised in a lower-middle class family who had to use food stamps and unemployment checks to get by. By contrast, my husband dreams of the finer things in life and puts (I believe) too much emphasis on "having" things. To me, they're just that: THINGS. I guess my point is I know he's a LOT more worried and disappointed about this than I am at the moment. I feel like it's all going to work out in the end (it always does, by the grace of God!), but I don't want to pi** him off by being TOO positive. Does that make sense? I am willing and able to go back to work if necessary, and I will love him until the end of time no matter how much money he does or does not make! I know he knows that much.

Anyway, I thank you for listening. I just needed a place to seek some good advice and I feel I've found it!

[pedagogue]

I think this could be an opportunity to help him realize the finer things in life include: a loving family, health, etc.

You are very much on the money (no pun intended) about the close connection between males (especially the head of household income-wise) and a career. It is a hard thing to shake, and a little stress can be very motivating.

A few years ago my motivating factor was $$, not happiness. I didn't get the hint the first couple of times I changed jobs....since I jumped right back into the shark pit for another few bloody rounds. Eventually I had a talk with my stubborn self and took the hint. I wouldn't have taken a step back to look at my life if I wasn't forced to. Maybe this is his chance to do just that. He doesn't need to do anything drastic, but hopefully he can gain a little perspective and embrace all of the good things he has....and i'm not talking about things he can buy with money.

-p