OMG When Will I Learn.........???????

[Chance]

OMG when am I ever going to learn to be calm during the storm?? It just seems like this is completely different then when I was sober for the first time in 2002....I feel as if I am so damn screwed up in the head...not being able to control myself, actions, reactions, and I keep having to come here to SR and say """I was wrong the way that I reacted!!!!!!"""" I am so sick of having to do this part of the program to say that I am wrong..Yes things do get fixed I think not sure yet....

I followed the directions of Midas and I ran that stinger thinggiieeee and OMG I was infested with worms I had a total of 54 visuses on this computer and I think that there were maybe 5-8 different worms...Now I have it sitting on my desktop LMAO don't know what to do with it....I did have the honor of talking to Gooch on messenger and OMG on the PHONE.....And I did chat with Dan on the messenger, we had a threesome going LMMFAOH>>>>This part of sobriety I love but the last ones during the storm sucked...

I knew that I had to get to a f2f meeting, then I also knew that I had to chair at SR but tonight I had to take care of Vic so I went to my f2f meeting...Now I owe an appoligy for that, for not being responsible for the commitment I made here...I am sure that maybe someday, I will be where I want to be like Gooch, Doug, Jon, Chy, Dan, Midas, Ann, Heidi, Kelly, etc etc...but right now I am also glad that I am where I am....Does that even make a damn bit of sense????

I was listening to this one guy talk tonight that really jumped out to me he said that if you are not working the steps then your not in recovery...OMG I am not in recovery, I don't put anything into them and I have decided that I need to get off of my @ss and start doing this thing, unless I want to be miseralbe the rest of my LIFE>>>Also he said that it takes around 2-5 years to get a little peace or it did for HIM, I was thinking **** I might as well shoot myself I don't know if I can last that damn long...

I will close with this, I don't know how you all put up with me....I am sure glad that you all have stuck with me, but OMG if it was me I would probably tell you to leave....OH YEAH some people here have already told me that LOL>>>Well once again forgive me for my behaviour and if you have any extra time I know this is very selfish but could you send a prayer and hug my way.......

Love Vic

PS I almost forgot another amends, I am sorry Jon I have no way of even knowing if they came from SR or not so I was wrong there also.....

Originally Posted by luckyv2

...maybe someday, I will be where I want to be like Gooch, Doug, Jon, Chy, Dan, Midas, Ann, Heidi, Kelly, etc etc...but right now I am also glad that I am where I am.

Vic, that is a stupendously HUGE realization. Oh and before I forget--thanks!

Originally Posted by luckyv2

I feel as if I am so damn screwed up in the head...not being able to control myself, actions, reactions, and I keep having to come here to SR and apologize.

That, my friend, is called 'cleaning up the wreckage of the past'. Unfortunately, during the process, character flaws and short-comings get reworked and it can throw us way out of balance. It's very similar to virus removal. (Hint, hint) It can get really ugly when all the bugs start crawling out of the woodwork known as our brain.

Have you ever noticed how a clothes washer gets all tweaked and bent out of shape when a load of wet towels migrate to one side? Fairly soon enough, the washer is happily dancing the lambada across the floor. So you have to stop it completely and diligently re-arrange the towels. Sometimes it takes a few attempts to get it rebalanced into wet-towel-contentedness.


~Midas~

[Chance]

Originally Posted by Midas

Vic, that is a stupendously HUGE realization. Oh and before I forget--thanks!
Sometimes it takes a few attempts to get it rebalanced into wet-towel-contentedness.


~Midas~

Thanks Midas I just need to learn and learn again....Hope that I didn't tweek my mind to much LOL

Love Vic

[Chy]

As my sponsor so often reminds me, "Your right were your supposed to be" *hugs*

[Ann]

Vic, just keep posting here, going to meetings and, yes, working the steps, and you too can find peace and contentment. Doesn't mean you'll never have another bad moment, but it means you will have the tools to work through them and come out the other side a little wiser for the journey...just like working on your computer is helping you learn more and more each day and next time your computer acts up, you will know what to do

So, see? This computer nightmare is really a well disguised gift

[Chance]

Originally Posted by Ann

next time your computer acts up, you will know what to do

So, see? This computer nightmare is really a well disguised gift

LMMFAOH I don't know about all of that but I am learning yes and I just updated my site thinnggiieee and said that OMG is that like a God thing also I am grateful for the storm I guess now I just have to work on the vein that bulges out of my forhead like Gooch said..OMG my new firewall thing that Midas showed me to get just blocked A SQL Worm that has been accessing my computer ((((Midas)))) Thank you so much....

Chy As my sponsor so often reminds me, "Your right were your supposed to be" *hugs*

Yep I don't have to like it at all but I do have to accept it and just work at it one day at a time...Hell maybe just a second at a time...

Love Vic

[Dan]

All this talk of worms got me thinkin'...

You're Welcome, Vic! Glad I could help.

[ru4outoo]

Vic I am the same way, I get bent out of shape or overreact myself and at the time I feel it is justified but when it is over I look back and say wtf did I do that for. I was like that last thursday so I went and did my 4th step again for the umteenth time and dang it was huge this time. I know I sometimes wonder if it is worth it or not but deep down I know it is. I know I have been lazy on doing my steps and I am not going to do that again or at least I hope. Just hang in there friend we are all in the same shoes and we are here for each other.

[pedagogue]

Vic-

I want to provide you some constructive criticism....

When I see you post, I never know which direction it is going to go, but I feel like I am right there with you. (which means you are a good writer. ) Though I get the feeling that you can't see the forest through the trees. If I give it time, you eventually find your way....but it always takes a few posts in 'freak out' mode to get there. I think if you took the time to process what is going on, and take a step back, you might cause yourself less stress. You usually get to the right place eventually, but the rollercoast can wear you out. I love your posts, but sometimes *I* feel worn out after them, so I can only imagine how *you* feel!

-p

[Chance]

Originally Posted by pedagogue

Vic-

I want to provide you some constructive criticism....

When I see you post, I never know which direction it is going to go, but I feel like I am right there with you. (which means you are a good writer. ) Though I get the feeling that you can't see the forest through the trees. If I give it time, you eventually find your way....but it always takes a few posts in 'freak out' mode to get there. I think if you took the time to process what is going on, and take a step back, you might cause yourself less stress. You usually get to the right place eventually, but the rollercoast can wear you out. I love your posts, but sometimes *I* feel worn out after them, so I can only imagine how *you* feel!

-p

OMG that is what I think that I need it some contructive criticism thank you that will be my next post and you know what I think that you have done me a huge amount of help here THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!.....I am not able to see the forsest through the trees OMG that is a light bulb thing to me Thanks Again..

Love Vic

[Pepper38mint]

Vic, I just want to thank you because you have helped me more than once.

Keep up the good work!!!

Pepper