$300.00/1100 Miles/Broken Heart/48hrs - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Chance · 10-09-2005, 02:04 PM

This truly feeling like a nightmare from hell. I guess the title of it says it all, I feel like I have been lied to, manipulated, coned, and yet OMG there is a lesson to be learned. My feelings for this person has not changed, but I truly believe that she has lied from the beginning. I don't feel that you can say that you have feelings and then just shut them off, or even say that you don't know. How has gone on in the last 48 hours has been like a nightmare.

I woke up and talked to Gooch on yahoo, went to the doctor and then headed to Arizona. I went to meet someone that said that they loved me LMAO it was a very long journey. The journey itself I will never forget, on the way down there OMG the sites that I have never seen. The world is such a beautiful place when you are there. During the trip down I thought of Lucky, my first trip ever without him. And yet I was ok, I saw 5 hawks on the way and they let me know that I would be OK. I truly was a peace with myself and life, I had gained some self-worth up and was truly feeling like I was gaining some ground.

I talked to her a few times on the phone on the way down, everything still sounded OK. Then when I got there I looked in her face and in her eyes, and it was like I knew something was not right. I followed her to her moms house where she is staying and parked and gave her a kiss and a hug. Everything is OK but nervous. Then we got into the house, she showed me around which was OK. When we were sitting there, it was like I was not welcomed, I felt as if she didn't want me there. Then she said "I can not believe that you drove down here." OMG that was what we had discussed that I was coming down there and she said that and she didn't think I would come. WTF is this.

As you have seen from my other post I was NOT in good space and she kept looking at me really strange. I knew that I had to go, I left as you all know but LMAO I could not find my way out of there. I went back and I said that I would sleep in the truck, she thought that was crazy, I did end up sleeping with her inside, no sex thank God, but we slept and I held her. In the morning I woke up and went straight to the computer and was able to get ahold of Gooch on line thank God. He gave me some advice to just be myself which is the best Vic I can be. I did that and it seemed as if everything was like it was on the phone, WE were OK.

Then I asked if she was OK and she said that I didn't want to know what was going on in her head. I asked her to lay down with me on the bed I was shot still and this is around 1 or 2 Saturday afternoon. I asked what was going on again and she said that SHE was not ready for a relationship, well OMG don't you think that you knew that before I went all the way down there. I could see it in her eyes when I arrived, WHY didn't she just save me all the time, money, heart, but most of all why did she spend so many hours talking to me on the phone, internet, to all of the sudden say that. Other things she has told me and stuff very intimate but I will not say that, I don't believe that is anyones buisness on that except I did tell Gooch.

Anyway after she said this I asked her to take me to the highway so I could go ahead and go home. I went to the truck and followed her to the highway. She pulled into this station there, but I was crying so hard that I just kept driving. I was not going to come back to SR cause I know that she is here also, but really SR is the MOST important part of my recovery besides my God. I got home around 11:30 or so last night and I have such a mess here from when I left to grab my tools and stuff. I still care so deeply for her and yet I know that she doesn't feel that way for me which hurts.

I guess for anyone here including me the lesson behind it all is that YOU don't HAVE TO USE, no matter what, and I am grateful for that, and for the lesson of what I have had. The lesson to me is that I AM NOT ready for a relationship and after this I DON'T KNOW IF I EVER WANT ONE NOW. I am not saying that you all are not real, I didn't mean to imply that, I am just saying that I have met a few people from here at SR and none of them are the same f2f. I hope that I am the same, if I allow myself to be and if that other person allows it to happen. OK just an update and Kelly you are a beautiful woman and thank you for thinking about me even though I have no IDEA why someone like me would even enter your mind.

Love Vic

PS I have emailed her and asked her some of these questions but I have not heard from her, nor will she answer the phone now. I feel as if I have been played LMAO I should be used to that, that is what I am only good for huh.

susane1408 · 10-09-2005, 02:21 PM

Glad you are ok Vic. Give yourself some time, get some sleep. Take care of you.

pedagogue · 10-09-2005, 02:29 PM

Life happens.

The adjustment from talking with someone online and meeting them in person is always a crapshoot. It takes nothing away from either you or her....it is just the way it is. Consider it a bump in the road, not a road block.

-p

***Time2Surrender*** · 10-09-2005, 02:41 PM

(((Vic))) You have no idea how glad I am to read your post.And to see you did not use.Yes,no matter what,nothing is worth our sobriety and clean time.NOTHING.On-line relationships? Wow.I could tell you some horror stories.And I will admit I have also been involved in a few on-line relationships here at SR.And I have also met a few people from SR.Very good people and life long friends. Including one very special woman who will always be in my heart.If she wasnt 2500 hundred miles away,who knows? And only God knows what the future holds for us anyway? I do believe in God's time he will put the right person in your life.And when he does,you will be glad you waited.And as for your friend? I really hope the two of you can remain friends.Don't let her or anyone else make you feel unwelcome or awkward around here.And definately don't make her feel bad or awkward here at SR either.You seem like a good guy.I'm sure the last thing you would wanna see is someone not return to SR over this.Including you.You have become a very important part of SR whether you realize it or not.Hopefully you can get to a place where you don't regret your trip.At least you got to see some new sites.

Hopefully you can come to the SR round-up/retreat in Palm Springs next September and meet a few more people.

Chance · 10-09-2005, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Time2Surrender

I really hope the two of you can remain friends.Don't let her or anyone else make you feel unwelcome or awkward around here..

Too late for that but thanks, see ya all around

stormyautumn · 10-09-2005, 03:17 PM

((((vic)))) Thanks Vic, Well, I was worried , I read your posts all the time and lift me up in my darkest hour, you always are inspiring when you write and I hate to see a fellow sr family member in pain. I too have met people off the internet, they were nothing like they were when we chatted online or on the phone, I guess it is easy to hide behind the screen and phone line and invision something that is not. I find that meeting people on line and talking you are more likely to share a lot of feelings. I know for me it is easier because I have a hard time talking about things f2f. I hardly ever shared anything at meetings, except once when I went to one drunk. lol of course then I could never keep my mouth shut when I was drinking. But I am more open and willing to share when I don't have to see someone. Then after telling someone all my secrets and thoughts and meeting them in person is awkward. I mean now that I have moved, it is eay to tell old B in florida how I feel because I couldn't tell him how miserable I was in person. I hope things work out Vic, your HP is on your side, atleast you know that much.

***Time2Surrender*** · 10-09-2005, 03:32 PM

(((Vic))) I really hope you stick around.Whether you realize it or not,you have become a very important and inspiring part of SoberRecovery.The awkwardness will go away.And the pain and hurt will pass.Hang in there.

tink360 · 10-09-2005, 03:41 PM

Hey vic, im glad your here and im sorry about what happend. Im very proud of you for making it through this and finding some positive in the situation. i was offended when you said people were B.S. but now im just grateful that your ok. love tink

H-Ellenback · 10-09-2005, 04:29 PM

Vic, let me add my thoughts and prayers to the rest of the bunch. I sat in on one of your meetings, and even though I probably went on the wrong night, I didn't feel unwelcome....LOL I just wanted you to know that I appreciated the good thoughts you gave me during that visit, and that you helped me.

Please, don't let this situation change your life, or become a crutch to you in your frustration. We DO care about you!

(((hugs)))

Gooch · 10-09-2005, 04:50 PM

Vic .. Glad your safe buddy.

I'm trying something new these days. Instead of looking for or waiting for the right person to come along, I am just concentrating on being the right person so she'll know me when she shows up.

mParnell · 10-09-2005, 05:07 PM

Vic, you sound adveturous and daring. And these are good qulitys.
Just keep in mind not all adventuers are a success.
It's not like Tarzan has never fallen off a vine from fifty feet in the air and landed straight on his a.. before...and people still dig him.
Did ya get any pictures?

--Bob

pedagogue · 10-09-2005, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gooch

Vic .. Glad your safe buddy.

I'm trying something new these days. Instead of looking for or waiting for the right person to come along, I am just concentrating on being the right person so she'll know me when she shows up.

Great philosophy to have!

-p

2dayzmuse · 10-09-2005, 05:21 PM

I'm glad you are home safe and sober. I'm really sorry for your heartach. I can relate. Different situation, but the same heartache. Makes me want to withdrawal from getting involved with anyone. Sometimes I think I'm just better off alone, but it is hard sometimes. We are survivors and will get through this. It's just not meant to be. I think it is impossible to figure out certain people some times. It will drive you insane trying to do so. Who knows what goes on in someones head and whareally drives them. Move forward. Time will heal all wounds. Live and learn is about the only thing left I can say.
Take care Vic. This doesn't mean you are unwanted or unlovable, she just wasn't the one for you. It still hurts, but will make more sense down the road. The big picture will reveal itself later.

stormyautumn · 10-09-2005, 06:08 PM

I agree...Gooch always has something wonderful to say

Quote:

Originally Posted by pedagogue

Great philosophy to have!

-p

***Time2Surrender*** · 10-09-2005, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gooch

I'm trying something new these days. Instead of looking for or waiting for the right person to come along, I am just concentrating on being the right person so she'll know me when she shows up.

I really like that one.I'm going to remember this one.

Chance · 10-09-2005, 06:56 PM

I won't be back I am not going to put myself in this position again sorry thanks guys love you all

stormyautumn · 10-09-2005, 06:57 PM

Please don't go Vic, I'm begging you, you will be very missed if you go, don't let this situation take you away from all your friends here at sr...

Quote:

Originally Posted by luckyv2

I won't be back I am not going to put myself in this position again sorry thanks guys love you all

10-09-2005, 09:32 PM

Aww, man! You DROVE all the way out here to AZ, and you didn't tell me?? D@mn. Don't let this episode scare you off permanently. Chill for a while. We'll be here waitin' for ya.

Chance · 10-09-2005, 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midas

Aww, man! You DROVE all the way out here to AZ, and you didn't tell me?? D@mn. Don't let this episode scare you off permanently. Chill for a while. We'll be here waitin' for ya.

OK I had a type error so I better correct that since someone is also reading everything that I say, I meant Arkansas OK sorry Midas and here is another thing that was mentioned to me in an email that I recieved was this

Quote:

I am just saying that I have met a few people from here at SR and none of them are the same f2f. luckyv2

One person obviously has brought some strong words my way I don't know why I need to clarify this but I guess that I do. One I have met two people now from SR and I won't mention either of there names here but the one lives here in Columbia and I have seen her twice I think or three times at the most. She is a friend and that is it although we never talk anymore but so goes life.

Also yes I am an attention seeker LMAO I am trying to seek the attention from my own God now and that is OK. Also I must say this I don't try to be rude to anyone and if I do say something that is wrong go ahead and let me know hell I need my inventory taken.

Vic

***Time2Surrender*** · 10-09-2005, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gooch

Vic .. Glad your safe buddy.

I'm trying something new these days. Instead of looking for or waiting for the right person to come along, I am just concentrating on being the right person so she'll know me when she shows up.

I really don't think it can be said any better than this.Stick around Vic.This too shall pass.

ru4outoo · 10-09-2005, 11:17 PM

Vic I really hope you stick around you have been there for me when I was down as a lot of people have and i have talked to you once on msn messager. I know what your going through, been there done that myself, still am kinda with a different person. I wont bore you with my story but this is a awesome place with great people who look up to you. Including me. Anytime you want to talk and vent I am always on msn messager and you can get hold of me. Seriously Vic please stick around.

10-09-2005, 02:04 PM	#1 (permalink)
Chance JUST DO IT!! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Here Or There Posts: 7,097 Blog Entries: 9	$300.00/1100 Miles/Broken Heart/48hrs This truly feeling like a nightmare from hell. I guess the title of it says it all, I feel like I have been lied to, manipulated, coned, and yet OMG there is a lesson to be learned. My feelings for this person has not changed, but I truly believe that she has lied from the beginning. I don't feel that you can say that you have feelings and then just shut them off, or even say that you don't know. How has gone on in the last 48 hours has been like a nightmare. I woke up and talked to Gooch on yahoo, went to the doctor and then headed to Arizona. I went to meet someone that said that they loved me LMAO it was a very long journey. The journey itself I will never forget, on the way down there OMG the sites that I have never seen. The world is such a beautiful place when you are there. During the trip down I thought of Lucky, my first trip ever without him. And yet I was ok, I saw 5 hawks on the way and they let me know that I would be OK. I truly was a peace with myself and life, I had gained some self-worth up and was truly feeling like I was gaining some ground. I talked to her a few times on the phone on the way down, everything still sounded OK. Then when I got there I looked in her face and in her eyes, and it was like I knew something was not right. I followed her to her moms house where she is staying and parked and gave her a kiss and a hug. Everything is OK but nervous. Then we got into the house, she showed me around which was OK. When we were sitting there, it was like I was not welcomed, I felt as if she didn't want me there. Then she said "I can not believe that you drove down here." OMG that was what we had discussed that I was coming down there and she said that and she didn't think I would come. WTF is this. As you have seen from my other post I was NOT in good space and she kept looking at me really strange. I knew that I had to go, I left as you all know but LMAO I could not find my way out of there. I went back and I said that I would sleep in the truck, she thought that was crazy, I did end up sleeping with her inside, no sex thank God, but we slept and I held her. In the morning I woke up and went straight to the computer and was able to get ahold of Gooch on line thank God. He gave me some advice to just be myself which is the best Vic I can be. I did that and it seemed as if everything was like it was on the phone, WE were OK. Then I asked if she was OK and she said that I didn't want to know what was going on in her head. I asked her to lay down with me on the bed I was shot still and this is around 1 or 2 Saturday afternoon. I asked what was going on again and she said that SHE was not ready for a relationship, well OMG don't you think that you knew that before I went all the way down there. I could see it in her eyes when I arrived, WHY didn't she just save me all the time, money, heart, but most of all why did she spend so many hours talking to me on the phone, internet, to all of the sudden say that. Other things she has told me and stuff very intimate but I will not say that, I don't believe that is anyones buisness on that except I did tell Gooch. Anyway after she said this I asked her to take me to the highway so I could go ahead and go home. I went to the truck and followed her to the highway. She pulled into this station there, but I was crying so hard that I just kept driving. I was not going to come back to SR cause I know that she is here also, but really SR is the MOST important part of my recovery besides my God. I got home around 11:30 or so last night and I have such a mess here from when I left to grab my tools and stuff. I still care so deeply for her and yet I know that she doesn't feel that way for me which hurts. I guess for anyone here including me the lesson behind it all is that YOU don't HAVE TO USE, no matter what, and I am grateful for that, and for the lesson of what I have had. The lesson to me is that I AM NOT ready for a relationship and after this I DON'T KNOW IF I EVER WANT ONE NOW. I am not saying that you all are not real, I didn't mean to imply that, I am just saying that I have met a few people from here at SR and none of them are the same f2f. I hope that I am the same, if I allow myself to be and if that other person allows it to happen. OK just an update and Kelly you are a beautiful woman and thank you for thinking about me even though I have no IDEA why someone like me would even enter your mind. Love Vic PS I have emailed her and asked her some of these questions but I have not heard from her, nor will she answer the phone now. I feel as if I have been played LMAO I should be used to that, that is what I am only good for huh. __________________ With Love and Respect Vic Life isn't yesterday or tomorrow it is in the now.....

10-09-2005, 02:21 PM	#2 (permalink)
susane1408 * Join Date: May 2005 Location: Lincolnshire, England Posts: 461	Glad you are ok Vic. Give yourself some time, get some sleep. Take care of you. __________________ "All we have to do is to decide what to do with the time that is given to us"....................JRR Tolkien

10-09-2005, 02:29 PM	#3 (permalink)
pedagogue Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Anytown, USA Posts: 1,036	Life happens. The adjustment from talking with someone online and meeting them in person is always a crapshoot. It takes nothing away from either you or her....it is just the way it is. Consider it a bump in the road, not a road block. -p __________________ "If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere." - Frank A. Clark

10-09-2005, 02:41 PM	#4 (permalink)
*Time2Surrender* Community Greeter Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Hillsboro,Oregon and St Johns US Virgin Islands Posts: 7,073 Blog Entries: 3	(((Vic))) You have no idea how glad I am to read your post.And to see you did not use.Yes,no matter what,nothing is worth our sobriety and clean time.NOTHING.On-line relationships? Wow.I could tell you some horror stories.And I will admit I have also been involved in a few on-line relationships here at SR.And I have also met a few people from SR.Very good people and life long friends. Including one very special woman who will always be in my heart.If she wasnt 2500 hundred miles away,who knows? And only God knows what the future holds for us anyway? I do believe in God's time he will put the right person in your life.And when he does,you will be glad you waited.And as for your friend? I really hope the two of you can remain friends.Don't let her or anyone else make you feel unwelcome or awkward around here.And definately don't make her feel bad or awkward here at SR either.You seem like a good guy.I'm sure the last thing you would wanna see is someone not return to SR over this.Including you.You have become a very important part of SR whether you realize it or not.Hopefully you can get to a place where you don't regret your trip.At least you got to see some new sites. Hopefully you can come to the SR round-up/retreat in Palm Springs next September and meet a few more people. __________________ "Jack and Diane" painted a picture of my life and my dreams, Suddenly this crazy world made more sense to me Well I heard it today and I couldn't help but sing along Cause everytime I hear that song...

10-09-2005, 03:17 PM	#6 (permalink)
stormyautumn Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Indianapolis Posts: 944	((((vic)))) Thanks Vic, Well, I was worried , I read your posts all the time and lift me up in my darkest hour, you always are inspiring when you write and I hate to see a fellow sr family member in pain. I too have met people off the internet, they were nothing like they were when we chatted online or on the phone, I guess it is easy to hide behind the screen and phone line and invision something that is not. I find that meeting people on line and talking you are more likely to share a lot of feelings. I know for me it is easier because I have a hard time talking about things f2f. I hardly ever shared anything at meetings, except once when I went to one drunk. lol of course then I could never keep my mouth shut when I was drinking. But I am more open and willing to share when I don't have to see someone. Then after telling someone all my secrets and thoughts and meeting them in person is awkward. I mean now that I have moved, it is eay to tell old B in florida how I feel because I couldn't tell him how miserable I was in person. I hope things work out Vic, your HP is on your side, atleast you know that much. __________________ "If life is a bowl of cherries; what am I always doing in the pits" - Erma Bombeck

10-09-2005, 03:32 PM	#7 (permalink)
*Time2Surrender* Community Greeter Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Hillsboro,Oregon and St Johns US Virgin Islands Posts: 7,073 Blog Entries: 3	(((Vic))) I really hope you stick around.Whether you realize it or not,you have become a very important and inspiring part of SoberRecovery.The awkwardness will go away.And the pain and hurt will pass.Hang in there. __________________ "Jack and Diane" painted a picture of my life and my dreams, Suddenly this crazy world made more sense to me Well I heard it today and I couldn't help but sing along Cause everytime I hear that song...

10-09-2005, 03:41 PM	#8 (permalink)
tink360 Think Happy Thoughts Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: cHiCaGo iL Posts: 245	Hey vic, im glad your here and im sorry about what happend. Im very proud of you for making it through this and finding some positive in the situation. i was offended when you said people were B.S. but now im just grateful that your ok. love tink __________________ When you change the way you look at things; The things you look at change.

10-09-2005, 04:29 PM	#9 (permalink)
H-Ellenback Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Canada Posts: 49	Vic, let me add my thoughts and prayers to the rest of the bunch. I sat in on one of your meetings, and even though I probably went on the wrong night, I didn't feel unwelcome....LOL I just wanted you to know that I appreciated the good thoughts you gave me during that visit, and that you helped me. Please, don't let this situation change your life, or become a crutch to you in your frustration. We DO care about you! (((hugs)))

10-09-2005, 04:50 PM	#10 (permalink)
Gooch Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: out there... Posts: 2,668	Vic .. Glad your safe buddy. I'm trying something new these days. Instead of looking for or waiting for the right person to come along, I am just concentrating on being the right person so she'll know me when she shows up.

10-09-2005, 05:07 PM	#11 (permalink)
mParnell Redefined Join Date: May 2005 Location: Detroit Posts: 56	Vic, you sound adveturous and daring. And these are good qulitys. Just keep in mind not all adventuers are a success. It's not like Tarzan has never fallen off a vine from fifty feet in the air and landed straight on his a.. before...and people still dig him. Did ya get any pictures? --Bob

10-09-2005, 05:21 PM	#13 (permalink)
2dayzmuse Paused Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Washington Posts: 5,083	I'm glad you are home safe and sober. I'm really sorry for your heartach. I can relate. Different situation, but the same heartache. Makes me want to withdrawal from getting involved with anyone. Sometimes I think I'm just better off alone, but it is hard sometimes. We are survivors and will get through this. It's just not meant to be. I think it is impossible to figure out certain people some times. It will drive you insane trying to do so. Who knows what goes on in someones head and whareally drives them. Move forward. Time will heal all wounds. Live and learn is about the only thing left I can say. Take care Vic. This doesn't mean you are unwanted or unlovable, she just wasn't the one for you. It still hurts, but will make more sense down the road. The big picture will reveal itself later.

10-09-2005, 06:56 PM	#16 (permalink)
Chance JUST DO IT!! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Here Or There Posts: 7,097 Blog Entries: 9	I won't be back I am not going to put myself in this position again sorry thanks guys love you all __________________ With Love and Respect Vic Life isn't yesterday or tomorrow it is in the now.....

10-09-2005, 09:32 PM	#18 (permalink)
Midas Guest Posts: n/a	Aww, man! You DROVE all the way out here to AZ, and you didn't tell me?? D@mn. Don't let this episode scare you off permanently. Chill for a while. We'll be here waitin' for ya.

10-09-2005, 11:17 PM	#21 (permalink)
ru4outoo Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 240	Vic I really hope you stick around you have been there for me when I was down as a lot of people have and i have talked to you once on msn messager. I know what your going through, been there done that myself, still am kinda with a different person. I wont bore you with my story but this is a awesome place with great people who look up to you. Including me. Anytime you want to talk and vent I am always on msn messager and you can get hold of me. Seriously Vic please stick around.