Belated Birthday Blues

I just got back from visiting my Mom & Dad for a little while, to pick up more of my belongings to bring back to my apartment. Neither one got me a card for my birthday last week.

My Mom at least said 'happy birthday' in a phone message the other day as she was hanging up. Dad didn't say anything.

Granted, they're busy getting the condo ready to sell--putting in new carpet and such all last week. Too busy to buy a card for their youngest son, who was the last to leave the nest at the tender young age of 37. (OK, ok. So I'm a LATE bloomer.) As of today though, I've never felt more distant.

Two weeks after I moved out, they changed the locks on the front door. I skyrocketed right past resentment into a full-blown rage when that happened. My Mom and I have since discussed that situation, but it still hurts.

My cat, 'Pandy', showed me more affection (he laid down on my feet) as I was leaving their house tonight. Everything seems so screwed up lately. I don't know what to think anymore. I just don't know.

[best]

My youngest will be 23 in Dec. 2 of 4 out of the house. I can't wait for all 4 to be out. It isn't that I don't love them, it is more of...I do love them and want to see them doing for themselves in my lifetime. The empty nest will be a nice change for a bit.
Today was my oldest son's b day. My wife was at work and I was out doing erands when he happened to stop by.
We have talked a few times about life and how the song...cats in the craddle lives out in life. If I knew when he was stopping in, I would have at least called him and let him know I wouldn't be there or at what time I would be around.
Visit the song...Harry Chapin's song...Cats in the Craddle.
It may bring some comfort. I would think it will bring understanding a little if not comfort. My son and I both find peace with our talks over that song.
We'll get together then...you know we'll have a good time then....

[best]

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home dad?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then
Cats In The Cradle Lyrics
Artist: Harry Chapin
Album: Cats In The Cradle

[best]

Maybe get the CD and send it to your dad.

That song always touches me deep inside.

Calling my son in the AM after reading those words again.

[babeekj]

hun my parents never even bother to call on my bday and it just sux...so it here goes belated (sorry) I'm a bad singer with hick accent (sorry again)

Happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy biwthday mista pwesident...mmm I mean Midas
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to YOUUUUUUUUU

[BigSis]

Midas, I am sorry your parents blew off your birthday.... close your eyes... feel that? It was a belated birthday hug....

As a parent of 2 addicts, I have to say having them finally out on their own... or as much as out on their own as they can be, has been different than I imagined while they were growing up. Consequently, until I found Alanon, I was building up some BIIIIGGGG resentments. No college, no high school graduation, no career choices, no helping with the first apartment... instead we've had rehabs and jails and courts and chaos.

In light of that, we have changed the locks and have not offered keys.... and yes, son has 7 months sober and daughter has 3 months sober. Mr. BigSis and I just got burned too often to invite that level of intimacy between them and our belongings.

I am not saying you have done anything of the kind, just sharing my experience.

Also, as the adult child of alcholics, I do remember that my mom has never once forgotten my birthday.... but the actual DATE that she remembers on is always sort of up in the air.... she gets the month right, though.

Today's expectations are tomorrow's resentments. Someday, I may have to ask my adult children to lower their expectations of ME, in order to avoid resentments... and probably sooner than later.

[babeekj]

Now look dang it , Big Sis you or somebody needs to say sumthin about that cake I just wipped up on a moments notice.....I made it myself and it IS nearly 1 am in Texas and I DO have to get up at 6 to go to work

[best]

Originally Posted by babeekj

somebody needs to say sumthin about that cake I just wipped up on a moments notice....

Let them eat cake.

Will that do? *LOL*

I thought it was a nice touch.
White frosting would have been my choice...but then again...I didn't bake it *LOL*

Thanks Best, babeekj, & BigSis. I love that classic 'Cat's in the Cradle' song. You know what the oddball irony is? This is my first birthday out of the nest, and really the first b-day I didn't feel pressured to 'do something' to celebrate. Even our goodbyes seemed to fall short half-heartedly. OK bye, see ya. Then it started to rain.

I'm making a bigger deal out of this than it really is, aren't I??

Both Mom & Dad got their flu shots friday...so maybe they're feeling under the weather.

[babeekj]

I am such a codie

[best]

You could be making a bigger deal out of it or just looking at what seems should be proper manners....but no matter... when something hurts, it hurts. Self inflicted or caused by others... the feelings are real at the moment. What the song does for me...puts perspective on life. That helps me see life for what it can be. Some times, things just happen and we react. Understanding life can guide me in how I react.

[best]

Originally Posted by babeekj

I am such a codie

Save that one...no wait...make another just like that in Dec please *LOL*

Mmmmmm CAKE!

I'm hoping this painful transition will soon be water under the bridge. In the past, I've dwelt on situations and otherwise insignificant events like tonight's. It's one character flaw that has kept my character defect cleanup crew working overtime.