Please help, advice needed

[wreck05]

My live-in boyfriend just left for a few days at my request and I feel devastated. We've been together for seven months and he just moved in two months ago. Our relationship is for the most part incredibly wonderful. I love him so much he loves me and we are amazingly happy and grateful. So what's the problem? When we first got together, I let him know that as a 30 year old woman who has had many relationshops, I only want to get seriously involved with someone who wants to ultimately marry and have children and I need that to be a possibility for any serious relationship I get into. Basically, I don't want to wait for years and years for someone who is scared, not ready, whatever. He agreed that this worked for him. We fell in love. We both wanted him to move in with me. Our lives are combined now. We share friends, we share expenses, he cooks, I clean. We live together as husband and wife. I have not been pushing the issue, but of course he knows I am not just going to hang out for years to see if he wanted to marry me. He told me yesterday that he hates that there is any kind of "timeline" and expectation on him and that he isn't ready to get married now, he doesn't see himself being ready anytime in the near future, and he has no idea when he will be. Please bear in mind too that I have no expectation of a proposal anytime soon-but at the same time, I don't want to spend my childbearing years waiting when I think the main issue is that he's just afraid. Who knows is he will ever get over that?

I asked him to leave for a few days while I thought about things but I pretty much determined I'm going to have to ask him to move out. This tears my heart out. It is absolutely awful. I didn't bring this to a head, he did: he brought the whole thing up. I know we haven't been together that long-I was going to live with him for at least another year and just see how it went. But he felt like he had to make this pronouncement, and what am I supposed to do with it? He's giving me the opposite of reassurance. Some people might wonder why getting married is so important to me if I have a relationship with him. I just think a marital relationship is different and it's what I want. I want to make that kind of commitment and have that kind of commitment made to me. I want that foundation for a spousal relationship, which is what we have now with him living here. I also want to have children. He does too, but I don't know what his time frame is for that and I don't think he knows, either.

I am just devastated and I keep wondering if I am making some kind of mistake, or if the mistake would be to stay with him. If he's just afraid, couldn't he deal with that somehow instead of lose me? How am I supposed to know what the right thing to do is? The thought of him being gone from here and out of my life is just so painful.

Thank you.

[Paulie]

Hi and welcome to SR. I am sorry for what you are going through.

As you said 'who knows', well no one knows but him. Give it some time...time has a way of helping people to see things a little clearer.

[best]

I may sound old fashion but being a guy, I know what can be truth from a guys point of thinking... Why make a commitment when you have it all without a commitment?

[CarolD]

Yes...I agree with Best.

My granny used to say...
"Why buy the cow if you are getting the milk free"

I suggest you separate your money quickly if it is in the same account. Do not be a sucker.

[pedagogue]

7 months.

You need to crawl before you walk, and walk before you run. Marriage and kids is a big step for anyone. I don't know your b/f....but I know that you should probably take a couple steps back.

-p