Do you ever feel like no one likes you - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

stormyautumn · 09-24-2005, 06:52 PM

Is this part of recovery...feeling like a burden to everyone, like no one likes you.

pearl · 09-24-2005, 07:00 PM

I like you!!!!! .... and I identify very strongly with some of the things you have experienced recently...so, I guess that makes us friends and sisters.

For me and many others I suspect, self isolation is a big part of addictive behaviour. You are worthwhile my dear...don't ever think anything differently. You say so many things that strike a meaningful chord...for myself and others on the boards.

I, for one, would miss you if you weren't here.

Also, you do have self-worth and you are worth getting to know...you do deserve to go out and meet new people and enjoy new experiences. With the knowledge and tools you have learned, you will be able to make sound decisions for yourself about where and with whom that might be.

Hugs
Pearl

stormyautumn · 09-24-2005, 07:42 PM

Thanks Pearl...What you have said means so much...I just wish I could stop thinking negative thoughts. I guess I have the paranoia of being afraid people aren't going to like me. It was easy making friends while using but of course those friends aren't around now that I am not using. It's just scary for me. Thanks for the support.

**historyteach** · 09-24-2005, 07:51 PM

SA,
Yes, I struggle with that feeling on and off. And I do think it's recovery related for both of us - the codie and the addict. It's the lack of self love.
Learing to love ourselves for who we are is the answer for me, I think. Maybe it is for you too?
Be good to yourself.... You are worthy!

Shalom!

pearl · 09-24-2005, 08:30 PM

Pearl's Cure-all for the blues:

1 Aretha Franklin CD (or favorite CD)
1 tub of St. Ives Apricot facial scrub
1 towel
15 minutes of personal time
1 mug of tea and a good bar of chocolate
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Play CD while warming slightly damp towel in microwave.
Wash face with warm water
apply facial scrub let sit 1 minute
scrub face gently and rinse
blot with warm, moist towel
apply favorite moisturizer
look in the mirror and repeat...I am fabulous!!!
have a nice mug of your favorite tea and perhaps some chocolate

Accuse youself of integrity!

Love Pearl

stormyautumn · 09-24-2005, 08:39 PM

Thanks historyteacher...I do need to learn to lvoe me more. I just don't know how? I also suffer from an eating disorder which of course distorts my self image. Although I am in recovery for that right now as well. Or trying to ..Since being on my own and not using I am starting to love myself more I think. I never thought I would be able to lick the drinking but certainly never thought of recovering from bulimia. Since I sobered up three months ago I have noticed that I eat healthier and have not binged, this just all dawned on me a couple days ago. And today. I have been sick for the past couple of days, stomach virus, throwing up. And I was thinking how nice to be normal and only throw up when I'm sick..lol isn't that sick thinking. I was also outside with my daughter while she played with the other kids. A guy and his daughter from across the street came over. I was chit chatting about how lousy I've been feeling with the stomach flu and he just busts out I could never tell you were sick you look beautiful. Instead of taking it as a copliment I think what the hell is this guy thinking? I guess little by little all my puzzle pieces are starting to fit back together. And Pearl I have the apricot face mask...Sounds like a wonderful idea. I also like the mint julep mask as well. And tea is my favorite. It is time for a little me time.

**Phinneas** · 09-24-2005, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stormyautumn

It is time for a little me time.

Absolutely! I, too, struggle with learning to love myself. I suspect that many of us in recovery do. I am going to carry around a question with me wherever I go - "what can I do to love and care for myself right now?" Do you want to do it with me?

Tonight I just got home from a meeting and I stopped off at the grocery store and got some good, healthy food. I am going to run a hot bath and put on some soft music and light some candles. I am going to have soup for dinner and read a spiritual book before bed. I am going to snuggle with my dogs and think about some things that I am grateful for... like being clean and sober just for today, for the how far I've come (not how far I have to go) and a comfortable bed with lots of fluffy pillows.

I am at a point in my life where I really understand that no one is going to take care of me but me. And you know what? It's about time!

Hang in there, k?

hugs,

phinny

stormyautumn · 09-24-2005, 08:56 PM

Yes I think that is key "what can I do to take care of myself right now"
Well I am going to take a nice hot shower and do my face mask like pearl suggested with my hot cup of tea. Read some of my new reader's digest and try not to get caught up in "my head" Thanks (((phinny))

Dan · 09-24-2005, 08:56 PM

Hi Stormy.
If I answer your question honestly, then yeah, most days, my thoughts will wander off to that place... I don't like myself much, every day, for at least a little while. Self doubt, fear, insecurity, and a thousand other things it seems... And when I look at myself with those eyes for too long, well, I start thinking you don't like me too... It snowballs, if I let it.

Sometimes, all it takes to snap out of the funk is simple.
Do the dishes while listening to music. Or go for a walk and smile at stangers. Or take a shave with a new blade and a tub of St-Ives apricot facial scrub...

Point is that for me, the thoughts of self loathing that generate the impression that I'm less than pond scum in the eyes of others are the result of negative self talk inside my head. To get away from that, some days all I can do is keep busy with mundane activities. And some days, the good days, I'm able to practice positive self talk.
Less should have and must and more why not and perhaps.

**CarolD** · 09-24-2005, 10:34 PM

ago.....I was suffering from depression.
My shink suggested I write on my vathroom mirror...

I LOVE YOU

I was to keep it there for 3 months and say it aloud each time I read it. I really thought it was dumb....

I did feel more confident however!

nogard · 09-25-2005, 03:22 PM

wow, glad I looked at this thread. I am only just learning to love myself and some days I have doubts and fears. I love Pearls solution

nogard

stormyautumn · 09-25-2005, 03:26 PM

Yes I did a little me time last night minus the face mask. I think I will do the face mask tonight while I watch the season premiere of desperate housewives...I know..cheesy but good. I never got to watch it that much last season because I would always have "something to do", laundry etc. I am going to make it a point to watch it tonight because it is something I enjoy and put off. I also found a church I finally like up here. I am happy about that. I even signed up to volunteer a "theme basket" for their chili dinner october 8th. It felt good to do that and hopefully I will meet people by becoming active in things.

namommy · 09-25-2005, 06:34 PM

I've been thinking that way lately. Just so much going on and not enough time to love myself. (Story of my life). We are not alone.

I was just sitting here contemplating on starting a thread in the NA forum about this. I just having been feeling welcome or a part of lately.

lulu70 · 09-25-2005, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stormyautumn

Is this part of recovery...feeling like a burden to everyone, like no one likes you.

I may be crazy, but I think feeling that way is a part of LIFE, not just recovery. It is just that for us addicts and codies, feeling that way can absolutely ruin our lives. We internalize things and feed our insecurities, making them worse and worse. Unless we have an outlet like this board, AA meetings, or other recovery boards. Then we can tell people how we are feeling and be reassured that others feel the same way, too.

I have found that when I get to thinking nobody likes me, it is because something is happening or I am doing something that is keeping me from liking myself. It often takes me a while to realize that, and then sometimes it takes longer for me to be willing to do something about it. But eventually, it does get better.

Hang in there, hon'. I like you! So do a lot of other people here.

Hugs--

hopealwayz · 09-25-2005, 08:37 PM

I know that feeling well. Actually that is what I am feeling now.

stormyautumn · 09-25-2005, 09:25 PM

Thanks everyone for replies...I like you angelhugs!!

Chance · 09-25-2005, 10:19 PM

I love you stormy you have always been there for me since I have been at SR even when I do all of my complaining you alway encourage me that it will be OK. Remember I think that we are harder on ourselves but we can love and help others. I am trying here lately to practice the same thing that I do other people and it seems to be helping here a lot lately, not saying everything is great but it makes it alot easier than it does to fight it everyday. I am glad that you are here.

Love Vic

angelgirl · 09-26-2005, 12:13 AM

I like you Stormy, I am VERY HAPPY, you are here. You need to be here, just as we all need to be here, god, placed us here, that's my belief...
You are very helpful and caring to many people You make people happy

You are positive There you go, see it always seems easier for people to find the good in us doesn't it? I know it's easier that way for me. It's something I believe we addicts/alcoholics must learn, part of a process I guess, part of recovery..
One day we will love our selves as much as others love us, but for now, it's good to knwo that others do love us.. You're a good person, with a very good heart..

Love, Becky

splendra · 09-26-2005, 07:08 AM

Heck after reading this thread I think I will do my cosmetic face lift and take a jacuzi after I get back from the gym....

I love me even when it seems like nobody else does. I am going to smile my big sunny smile at every mirror I pass today and blow myself a few kisses while I am at it...

(((((Stormy))))) hug yourself for me today ok?

roadie58 · 09-26-2005, 07:42 AM

I think I'll go for a long walk then use my home gym. People tell me that I have to like me first. I've put on weight since joining the program, so time for ACTION.

I have found acceptance among my AA friends though. They love me even when I'm down on myself. Nothing like another with the same set of problems to understand me and love me back to health. It's out there for all of us.

AussieintheUSA · 09-26-2005, 10:55 AM

I feel like that often, I think everyone just thinks oh no here she is again, even when I post and I dont get many replies I think oh no I am wasting peoples time etc, I thought it was just me

amymarie · 09-26-2005, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AussieintheUSA

I feel like that often, I think everyone just thinks oh no here she is again, even when I post and I dont get many replies I think oh no I am wasting peoples time etc, I thought it was just me

oh aussie...ditto....lol
Stormy, you already know how I feel!!!!! love you!!!!!

09-24-2005, 06:52 PM	#1 (permalink)
stormyautumn Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Indianapolis Posts: 944	Do you ever feel like no one likes you Is this part of recovery...feeling like a burden to everyone, like no one likes you. __________________ "If life is a bowl of cherries; what am I always doing in the pits" - Erma Bombeck

09-24-2005, 07:00 PM	#2 (permalink)
pearl Card Carrying Optimist Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: The Great Pacific Northwest Posts: 136	I like you!!!!! .... and I identify very strongly with some of the things you have experienced recently...so, I guess that makes us friends and sisters. For me and many others I suspect, self isolation is a big part of addictive behaviour. You are worthwhile my dear...don't ever think anything differently. You say so many things that strike a meaningful chord...for myself and others on the boards. I, for one, would miss you if you weren't here. Also, you do have self-worth and you are worth getting to know...you do deserve to go out and meet new people and enjoy new experiences. With the knowledge and tools you have learned, you will be able to make sound decisions for yourself about where and with whom that might be. Hugs Pearl __________________ Class of 2005

09-24-2005, 07:42 PM	#3 (permalink)
stormyautumn Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Indianapolis Posts: 944	Thanks Pearl...What you have said means so much...I just wish I could stop thinking negative thoughts. I guess I have the paranoia of being afraid people aren't going to like me. It was easy making friends while using but of course those friends aren't around now that I am not using. It's just scary for me. Thanks for the support. __________________ "If life is a bowl of cherries; what am I always doing in the pits" - Erma Bombeck

09-24-2005, 07:51 PM	#4 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 8,261	SA, Yes, I struggle with that feeling on and off. And I do think it's recovery related for both of us - the codie and the addict. It's the lack of self love. Learing to love ourselves for who we are is the answer for me, I think. Maybe it is for you too? Be good to yourself.... You are worthy! Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

09-24-2005, 08:30 PM	#5 (permalink)
pearl Card Carrying Optimist Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: The Great Pacific Northwest Posts: 136	Pearl's Cure-all for the blues: 1 Aretha Franklin CD (or favorite CD) 1 tub of St. Ives Apricot facial scrub 1 towel 15 minutes of personal time 1 mug of tea and a good bar of chocolate ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Play CD while warming slightly damp towel in microwave. Wash face with warm water apply facial scrub let sit 1 minute scrub face gently and rinse blot with warm, moist towel apply favorite moisturizer look in the mirror and repeat...I am fabulous!!! have a nice mug of your favorite tea and perhaps some chocolate Accuse youself of integrity! Love Pearl __________________ Class of 2005

09-24-2005, 08:39 PM	#6 (permalink)
stormyautumn Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Indianapolis Posts: 944	Thanks historyteacher...I do need to learn to lvoe me more. I just don't know how? I also suffer from an eating disorder which of course distorts my self image. Although I am in recovery for that right now as well. Or trying to ..Since being on my own and not using I am starting to love myself more I think. I never thought I would be able to lick the drinking but certainly never thought of recovering from bulimia. Since I sobered up three months ago I have noticed that I eat healthier and have not binged, this just all dawned on me a couple days ago. And today. I have been sick for the past couple of days, stomach virus, throwing up. And I was thinking how nice to be normal and only throw up when I'm sick..lol isn't that sick thinking. I was also outside with my daughter while she played with the other kids. A guy and his daughter from across the street came over. I was chit chatting about how lousy I've been feeling with the stomach flu and he just busts out I could never tell you were sick you look beautiful. Instead of taking it as a copliment I think what the hell is this guy thinking? I guess little by little all my puzzle pieces are starting to fit back together. And Pearl I have the apricot face mask...Sounds like a wonderful idea. I also like the mint julep mask as well. And tea is my favorite. It is time for a little me time. __________________ "If life is a bowl of cherries; what am I always doing in the pits" - Erma Bombeck

09-24-2005, 08:56 PM	#8 (permalink)
stormyautumn Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Indianapolis Posts: 944	Yes I think that is key "what can I do to take care of myself right now" Well I am going to take a nice hot shower and do my face mask like pearl suggested with my hot cup of tea. Read some of my new reader's digest and try not to get caught up in "my head" Thanks (((phinny)) __________________ "If life is a bowl of cherries; what am I always doing in the pits" - Erma Bombeck

09-24-2005, 08:56 PM	#9 (permalink)
Dan Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 8,753	Hi Stormy. If I answer your question honestly, then yeah, most days, my thoughts will wander off to that place... I don't like myself much, every day, for at least a little while. Self doubt, fear, insecurity, and a thousand other things it seems... And when I look at myself with those eyes for too long, well, I start thinking you don't like me too... It snowballs, if I let it. Sometimes, all it takes to snap out of the funk is simple. Do the dishes while listening to music. Or go for a walk and smile at stangers. Or take a shave with a new blade and a tub of St-Ives apricot facial scrub... Point is that for me, the thoughts of self loathing that generate the impression that I'm less than pond scum in the eyes of others are the result of negative self talk inside my head. To get away from that, some days all I can do is keep busy with mundane activities. And some days, the good days, I'm able to practice positive self talk. Less should have and must and more why not and perhaps.

09-24-2005, 10:34 PM	#10 (permalink)
CarolD Forum Leader Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Dallas, Ga. USA Posts: 16,000	A lomg time ago.....I was suffering from depression. My shink suggested I write on my vathroom mirror... I LOVE YOU I was to keep it there for 3 months and say it aloud each time I read it. I really thought it was dumb.... I did feel more confident however! __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

09-25-2005, 03:22 PM	#11 (permalink)
nogard Connected at last Join Date: May 2005 Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia Posts: 11,814 Blog Entries: 3	wow, glad I looked at this thread. I am only just learning to love myself and some days I have doubts and fears. I love Pearls solution nogard __________________ ...And like a bird that's on the wing and is flying free He can hear the song of home endlessly

09-25-2005, 03:26 PM	#12 (permalink)
stormyautumn Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Indianapolis Posts: 944	Yes I did a little me time last night minus the face mask. I think I will do the face mask tonight while I watch the season premiere of desperate housewives...I know..cheesy but good. I never got to watch it that much last season because I would always have "something to do", laundry etc. I am going to make it a point to watch it tonight because it is something I enjoy and put off. I also found a church I finally like up here. I am happy about that. I even signed up to volunteer a "theme basket" for their chili dinner october 8th. It felt good to do that and hopefully I will meet people by becoming active in things. __________________ "If life is a bowl of cherries; what am I always doing in the pits" - Erma Bombeck

09-25-2005, 06:34 PM	#13 (permalink)
namommy Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Never, Never land Posts: 2,711	I've been thinking that way lately. Just so much going on and not enough time to love myself. (Story of my life). We are not alone. I was just sitting here contemplating on starting a thread in the NA forum about this. I just having been feeling welcome or a part of lately. __________________ I came into this program to save my a** and found out it was attached to my soul. --Anonymous

09-25-2005, 08:37 PM	#15 (permalink)
hopealwayz Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: somewhere Posts: 3,514	I know that feeling well. Actually that is what I am feeling now. __________________

09-25-2005, 09:25 PM	#16 (permalink)
stormyautumn Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Indianapolis Posts: 944	Thanks everyone for replies...I like you angelhugs!! __________________ "If life is a bowl of cherries; what am I always doing in the pits" - Erma Bombeck

09-25-2005, 10:19 PM	#17 (permalink)
Chance JUST DO IT!! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Here Or There Posts: 7,097 Blog Entries: 9	I love you stormy you have always been there for me since I have been at SR even when I do all of my complaining you alway encourage me that it will be OK. Remember I think that we are harder on ourselves but we can love and help others. I am trying here lately to practice the same thing that I do other people and it seems to be helping here a lot lately, not saying everything is great but it makes it alot easier than it does to fight it everyday. I am glad that you are here. Love Vic __________________ With Love and Respect Vic Life isn't yesterday or tomorrow it is in the now.....

09-26-2005, 12:13 AM	#18 (permalink)
angelgirl You're never alone!! Join Date: May 2003 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 2,195	I like you Stormy, I am VERY HAPPY, you are here. You need to be here, just as we all need to be here, god, placed us here, that's my belief... You are very helpful and caring to many people You make people happy You are positive There you go, see it always seems easier for people to find the good in us doesn't it? I know it's easier that way for me. It's something I believe we addicts/alcoholics must learn, part of a process I guess, part of recovery.. One day we will love our selves as much as others love us, but for now, it's good to knwo that others do love us.. You're a good person, with a very good heart.. Love, Becky __________________ ™ Don't tell God how BIG your addiction is, tell your addiction, how BIG our GOD is!! Jesus is our teacher and he is our Savior, who takes our prayers and makes them his own.

09-26-2005, 07:08 AM	#19 (permalink)
splendra the girl can't help it Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: splendraville Posts: 4,902 Blog Entries: 3	Heck after reading this thread I think I will do my cosmetic face lift and take a jacuzi after I get back from the gym.... I love me even when it seems like nobody else does. I am going to smile my big sunny smile at every mirror I pass today and blow myself a few kisses while I am at it... (((((Stormy))))) hug yourself for me today ok? __________________ nice has a hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

09-26-2005, 07:42 AM	#20 (permalink)
roadie58 "The BAND" workshop ROCKS! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana Posts: 1,497	I think I'll go for a long walk then use my home gym. People tell me that I have to like me first. I've put on weight since joining the program, so time for ACTION. I have found acceptance among my AA friends though. They love me even when I'm down on myself. Nothing like another with the same set of problems to understand me and love me back to health. It's out there for all of us. __________________ Roadie - frigging TWO YEARS clean and sober, if I can do it, you can do it! read about my adventures staying clean in sober in 'I'm ALIVE V2' in the Substance Abuse Forum..

09-26-2005, 10:55 AM	#21 (permalink)
AussieintheUSA Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: far from home Posts: 12	I feel like that often, I think everyone just thinks oh no here she is again, even when I post and I dont get many replies I think oh no I am wasting peoples time etc, I thought it was just me