Penny for your thoughts part 67

[WENDYLOST101]

Rita, you are a beautiful 44 year old. I hope you have the best birthday ever. You are a wonderful person and a wonderful mother and ReeRee. Hope your day is filled with love and joy.

[WENDYLOST101]

Kim, I understand perfectly well what you are saying. And most of it is right. I am still there cooking the meals and such, but until I am ready to make the step to do what I have to do then I try to make my household as peaceful and normal for my 4 year old son as I can. Part of that is putting a meal on the table everyday and all three of us sitting down at the dinner table for supper in the evenings. Its not "my job" to cook dinner all the time but I do. I know me not leaving is making it easier on him, but right now I have to do what is easier on me and my child. When we do decide to leave it will be hell and I am just not ready to deal with that yet.
Thanks

[Jewelz]

I completely agree with you about him but I just hurt for her. I am also so tired of the bull crap.

[WENDYLOST101]

I know you do Jewelz. I hurt the same way for my son knowing that AH is not there emotionally for him. Even if he is there physically it's really like he's not. I'm sorry. (((Jewelz)))

Cinder, you out there somewhere today? Thinkin' bout ya!

[Japic05]

Wendy - thank you for the birthday wishes.

please know that I'm praying for you & trusting that your HP has a plan for you - a plan to prosper you not to harm you, to give you hope & a future. Praying that as you walk thru what seems to be an endless path, along the way you will gain the wisdom, courage and strength to be ready for the step into a Happy, Joyous and Free life when your God shows you it is time.

keep the hope & faith alive in you!!

[WENDYLOST101]

Thanks Rita. I just want to be sure I am ready to deal with everything when the time comes, and I know I am not there yet, so... I've always heard that when you dont know what to do then maybe its best you dont do anything, so.... Thanks!

[Japic05]

that is good in some case - please just make sure that it is not fear of the unknown keeping you from moving forward.

Sometimes although our lives are miserable, it is our misery - it is comfortable, what we are acustom to and we are overcome by fear to break out into a brand new world.

Nothing wrong with making a few Plan B, Plan C or Plan D's with some projected start dates so that you have a goal and then you can always ask your HP to bless it or block it and help you to have a clear cut answer to wait is your HP's will for your life.

This is what I try to do.

Love & HUGS,
about to leave for the day - will try to check back with ya'll later tonite.

[cinderellawkids]

Hello, yes Wendy Im out here just now getting a moment to check in.
Things are really good for me today, feel good anyway. I have a presentation thingy tonite at my bible meeting, AH is being emotionally supportive, Im back (starting yesterday) to jogging in the mornings. Kids are doing well with their summer programs and helping Ah with the household chores.
Above ground pool turned awful green after a storm the other day and it didt matter how much we shocked it, so today AH drained, cleaned and refilled. I so have to get a floating chlorine thing and a net for leaves. I sware this pool is tougher to maintain than my pond and aquariums. Chat with you later

[kj0975]

Have any of you read the forum adult children of alcoholics/addicts? I guess its hard for me cause I grew up in an unhappy house. Parents stayed for us kids, yet not sure why. They were miserable they didnt touch each other, they didnt speak to each other. They lived together unhappily. Not knowing that it affected us kids. My sister doesnt know how to say "I love you", I dont think shes ever said that to her kids. Doesnt know how to show affection or how to handle adult relationships. Cause this is stuff we learn while growing up. Parents showing affection showing companionship, caring for each other. thats where we learn those things from. If we dont see it at home where do we learn it from? Movies?

I understand that it takes time to move on or to move out or to leave. I'm not saying that I think its easy at all. I just wish while I was growing up that I had at least ONE happy parent. One that could teach me happiness and show me what life is supposed to be life HAPPY. Not just doing it because thats what they are supposed to do. It affects kids they see it, they sense it, they learn it. When they grow up they become people pleasers cause thats all they know. I am only speaking from my upbringing not putting anyone down here. I recommend reading around the ACOA forum, the stickies, learn from them. Understand that although your child might not know what is going on they can kinda figure it out that something is wrong.

[eaglesgirl]

Hey Pennies Family!!

Just doing a little check in. Been busy working the two jobs and trying to run the house!! I am so tired that I come home and clean and go to bed. I do check in when I can, tho.

Things are still going good with my RAH... One year and 5 months and two weeks clean!! Still on drug court, but has moved into the thrid and final phase. Once a month court appearances instead of twice a month. I am really proud of him... he is helping around the house, running the kids to their many functions... Sometimes I wonder who he is, lol. I will never forget what we have been through and where we were...and how hard we have fought to be where we are now.

I will try to check in a little later....

Love to all of you.

[Impurrfect]

(((Rita))) - I'm still older than you...I'll be 47 in Sept.

((Wendy)) - my first love relationship was with a functioning alcoholic. I read all about codependency, but didn't do anything. I stayed "addicted" to him for 20 years..no kids, just me thinking it was all I deserved. Left him, and the next two relationships were with crack addicts.

It's only now, that I'm trying to work on realizing I deserve better. I hope you don't get to MY age and have the same regrets I do.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Jewelz]

Hey guys well my daughter got her "friend" for the first time today... oh boy big shocker and I cant even put it into words.

Kim, your words that you wrote earlier have been going through my mind all day.

I'm tired and going to head into bed in a bit.

hugs,
Jewelz

[Jewelz]

Good morning guys!!

Yesterday while my daughter was at her doctors I went to H&M and got me a pair of capris and three shirts... wearing one outfit now and it looks real nice I have to say hehehe.

In a little bit I need to leave work to watch my daughters high school musical show. She has a small part but shes very excited. I am very grateful that I work so close to her school.

I hope today is a speedy day I am not in the mood to be at work... but when am I ever in the mood to be here??

[cinderellawkids]

Wow Jewelz, big milestone for Sam and you. I was looking at my oldest yesterday, almost 11. Since schools been out he's already changed. I was remembering this summer and next he will change alot, growth spurts ect.

His voice is already, slightly different than it was, he's dark tan, new surfer boy haircut, and even his face is changing...and muscle lines are starting to show,the girls are going to be drooling over him. Its weird to have the beginnings of a young man forming.

In my home theres lots of affection. There wasnt when I was growing up, and AH had to show me how to relax and be affectionate in a caring way. Weve all grown alot closer in the past few months especially once I stopped being angry and resentful.

I think my middle son is getting an swimmers ear infection. Of course we have no health insurance since medicaid kicked me, so tomorrow am Ill atttempt the ER at the county hospital

[cookconfay]

Happy Birthday Rita!!!!!

[WENDYLOST101]

Happy Birthday Rita.

You know I was not going to do this but I feel I need to. Yesterday I posted about some new friends I made in recovery. I thought some of my closest friends would be proud because I am trying to grow despite my situation. It was not a post "whining" about my situation, only about my growth, or so I thought. Somehow it was turned into not alot of support but alot of "leave him, leave him, leave him" And you know I expect that from "Normies" but that is what I recieved, so... I know there are times when we need to hear what we really dont want to hear. I know what I need to do. I am just not ready to do it yet. So it's not that I want everything to be all sticky sweet. I know the facts. But all my post was about was my recovery. So how did it come to that I am an idiot for staying and a crappy mother? I'm a little confused here.

[Japic05]

Good Morning all!!

Kim - your post touched me so much - I too grew up in a home affected by alcoholism and untreated al-anonism. I tried to do some things differently with my daughters and did pretty good in some areas - but not good in others. As I have shared, I see my daughters caring the affects of the dysfunctional home life into their world, my prayer is that they will get help sooner than I did and by God's Grace their children will some how be able to stop this vicious cycle.

oh - gotta run - check back in a little bit!
the birthday girl is in demand today!!!!!

[cinderellawkids]

Wendy, I think you are doing great, and I know how you feel mine have often, in my opinion been twisted as well.

Remember only you know what your life is like, good and bad, not every home is the same with active use be it alcohol or drugs, legal or illegal.

I think you are doing GREAT,and yes definately GROWING and that is the most important thing

[WENDYLOST101]

Thanks Cinder. It means alot to me.

You know I wasn't trying to sound childish and petty, but you know that old saying, "Until you've walked a mile in that persons shoes".....

[Japic05]

Wendy, I apologize if my post come off with a harsh tone. It was not my intention.

My intention was to let you know that even tho you may not be ready to act today, there is nothing wrong with starting a Plan for someday - to prepare and hope for a way out whenever the opportunity becomes available.

I was not a bad mother when I allowed my daughters to be exposed to active alcoholism/addiction for over 10 yrs - but I did make some unhealthy choices some because I didn't know any other way. I was doing the best I could with what I had at a the time.

Just as you are today -

I believe that everyone's intentions here are to encourage, uplift and help each other to a life that is Happy, Joyous and Free. Sometimes we may step over the line in our caring and come on to strong - for me it is not because I think less of any of you - it is because I see my dear friend hurting and I'm a fixer and I don't want anyone living that life of pain anymore.

To each of you, I would like to make an amends if I have ever let my personal care for each of you, allow me to say things that you felt pressured or belittled in any way.

May the love and peace of the program, grow in each of us - One Day at a Time.

[WENDYLOST101]

No Rita. I know it was not your intention.

I guess I am just a little sensitive right now and maybe I need a break from here too.

I am sorry if I offended anyone. I did not mean to.

I love you all.

[kj0975]

I will officially bow out with grace from this thread. No one wants to hear anything and interpret it the way they want to...... Hope you find the life and follow the dreams you want.