Pennies for your thoughts part 64

[cinderellawkids]

Originally Posted by anvilhead

if Dan's not working how's he get money in his pocket anyways? you guys planted a money tree in the back yard, didn't ya?

He's been doing side jobs for several weeks, I know I wrote all about it, starting a landscaping business and getting his GED?

[anvilhead]

i remember that, i guess i was thinking something fell thru along the way.....? and him without transpo i wasn't putting 2 and 2 together.....

ok props to ME ok? it's 2, my boss is OUT Of TOWN and i'm still here! yeah i know, it shouldn't matter if she's here or not...but still.....suddenly this hurry up grant is on hold...i hate that, it's like get me all fired up and rarin' to go and then i have to sit and wait for the email to blip and get the green light.....

[Jewelz]

Good morning, I am feelng like crap this morning, and I think I am getting a cold.

Okay I have to say I am some anxiety today. Its been two complete weeks that he hasnt used the drug. He has been going to his moms early everyday, eats there, goes to work and comes home. Well I looked at the weather for next week and it seems it will be raining almost everyday. That means he wont be able to work cause he works with installing windows. I know the weather sounds like a rediculas reason for using but I am nervous that he will get bored and let his mind to jumpin jacks so to speak and go off. I also know I need to let this go, and let him deal with any temptation he may have... and that he also needs to know what to do. I guess in my own way writing this hear lets me let it out. I pray that everything works out.

Hugs,
jewelz

[kj0975]

Jewelz I hope he doesnt cave hopefully he can control the cravings OR at least not cave to them. TGIF HUH!!! I think its the weather from hot to cold and such I have had a headache now for 2wks plus the sinus thing. I hope today goes by fast I just dont feel like being here today shocker huh. I dont want to be at work. Last night was peaceful scott went to poker and I stayed home and picked up some. Noting too exciting. Dont know what the plans are for the weekend. I know scott is hinting at going to the casino BUT I think we are a tad too broke for that. We will see though. Have a great day everyone.

[cinderellawkids]

Jewelz, I pray that everything works out, but Ive found down time is never good for them and its best to be prepared emotionally. Try to think positive though.

I am sooo glad it is Friday. I am exhausted in every way. Hoping to veg abit this weekend amongst a million and one things to do

[anvilhead]

jewelz, just have your plan and your boundaries in place so that no matter what happens, you are ok.....

TGIF....hank asked first thing this morning, it IS friday right? cuz if it's only thursday i'm going right back to bed! yes thank god, we've made it to the end of the work week! he brought me a ton of work clothes from the car, got everything laundered and ready....way nice lunch in the lunchbox.....his crew of three is building a firestation from the ground up....well doing the masonry part anyways.....weather is improving so now all we gotta do is the work part and bring on the weekend!

he got a haircut yesterday, looks so dang cute, and about 30, maybe....it's just not fair.......i don't think a team of surgeons could make ME look 30 again! still trying to find 10 minutes to apply my "10 mniute" haircolor.....

[Jewelz]

Kim,

You want to know something I am going to be 32 years old in July and I have never set foot in a Casino. I always wanted to but never got around to it or didnt have the money. Its something I want to do but I think it would kill me if I lost ( probably would happen) and I would think of all the money wasted.
Kim I feel ya I dont want to be here either.. maybe I could hide under my desk??

Cindi, yep down time always hurts him but when I think about it even when he would be busy he wouldnt let that stop so really I culd think oh man the weather, he wont be working and so on but its really up to him.

Gotta let go this feeling!!

Jewelz

[Jewelz]

Forgive me for my spelling errors I feel like crap!

[Jewelz]

Hey Wendy, I was thinking of you this morning... how are you??

[WENDYLOST101]

I have one thing to say this morning. I hate men, I hate addiction, I hate men with addictions. I hate the "disease". I hate liars. I hate selfish inconsiderate people that tell you how you feel and what matters to you. I hate adults that have the mind of a 15 year old. I hate that addicts know no responsibility. I hate that they only care about themselves.

Okay maybe thats more than one thing. I could go on and on and on..... I am having a pity party this morning. Playing the martyr, so to speak, but damnit to hell, I deserve it.
But you know what? I am jsut plain sick of it. Even as unchristian like as this is, and Lord, forgive me, I could stand and watch him bleed to death and not shed one tear. If I cried one tear for him, I stole it off a crocodile!

Oh, love you guys! I cant forget that!

[WENDYLOST101]

Oh, Jewelz, I got your message, I just havent had time to write this week much. I will though.

[anvilhead]

oh wendy, i'm sorry you're in such a state, but anger can be good and healthy and motivating......here's a big ole hug

[WENDYLOST101]

Thanks Anvil, but thats part of the problem, I am so tired of being angry. There are so many things that I have left out of the equation that attribute to my not just leaving him. I wish I could tell you all about it but I cant. I wish it were as simple as me just walking out the door.

Ya'll just keep me in your prayers please. I dont think I can handle much more of this.

[anvilhead]

believe with all your heart that there is ALWAYS a solution.....always a way out........and then fight for it. fight for your sanity, fight for the life you so richly deserve........

just like with drugs, we gotta get sick and tired of being sick and tired.....

[cookconfay]

Gosh good morning you guys.....I need this to be Wednesday with all day off then, yesterday and today! Whew...still so much to try to get accomplished before the arrival of oldest, her hubby and my grandson tonight!!! Then....THE PARTY. Little Mermaid stuff EVERYWHERE do you hear me? Man.......can you say....O-V-E-R S-P-E-N-D?

Anyways.....I am sorry for all of you struggling. I will keep you in my prayers and if for no other reason you are going through it....just know it helps some of us remember what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. Said with love, but really I can say that about addiction, fighting the urges/cravings, sitting on the fence so to speak with recovery and then also about the whole "in love with an addict" thing, married to them or otherwise. So for that and so your pain is not in vain.....thank you. I do so wish for all of you though to get to a place where you can be happy....joyous....and free! And I am not insisting that everyone vow to a life of celibacy or even be alone for VERY long periods of time like me or perhaps for the rest of my life even.....I just want you to know that there are reasons we go through what we go through. I was taught that the sh!t I went through could possibly help someone else some day.....so I offer that to you, you are helping me if no one else!!! Thank you all, Love you all and PLEASE have a nice day!!!

I have millions of things to do as stated earlier....so best get my a$$ off this computer, I'll happen by every now and then.....

[Japic05]

Big ole ReeRee hugs to all my friends struggling today!!

It is Friday & to be honest - living with the active part of the disease - Friday use to be my worst day of the week - so my heart goes out to each of you!!

So far today, we have gone thru no A/C at work-hotter than heck in here, got that fixed (thank you HP) decided which bills to pay this pay period, which ones to wait til next, read the newspaper, did my payroll, clipped some coupons, ate breakfast, now turned up the A/C in my ofc cuz it's freezing in my ofc - no happy medium with this sytem that came over on the Mayflower!! hmm that's about all that's happening in my ofc today.

Wendy - please try not to let the anger eat you up inside - if possible try to channel the anger into positive actions - ask your HP to help you use that negative energy for positive results for you and your son.

What addiction has meant for bad, let your HP turn it for good in you and in your life

What the heck? It couldn't hurt right?

[cinderellawkids]

Im sorry Wendy, I agree with all of your statements, I say them atleast 5 times a week, but for me with acceptance Ive let go of the anger and started focusing on the positive around me.

Im thinking of you

[ajangels2]

Good Morning and Good Friday Pennies Crew,

Jewelz... I'm there with you and Kim don't want to be here today... but going to try and get my concentration back. I have two exams going on simultaneously but I have a med assistant today to help out so that will be a help. Jewelz he doesn't need a reason to use you know that... idle mind and idle hands can play a part in their decision to pick up or he could choose to do something else more constructive and positive with his time. It's completely up to him. I hope you get to feeling better though.

Wendy... I relate to what you are going through especially with the anger part. I get angry vent it and express it and then try hard to let it go... what I'm tired of is AH being angry all the time about it seems everything. He's just an angry person, he didn't always seem to be that way. He believes he's a mello calm person... and I'm thinking your perseception of yourself in this "peaceful" state of being is typically when your stoned... what about when your stoned cold sober? Whatever your reason or choices for staying are your choices and maybe one day those things that have you there may disappear and other choices will present themselves. I too could walk away right now, but its not in my best interest for me or the kids. I have too much that needs to be settled and tied up before I make that type of an exit. What I am doing now is looking at the resources available and what I'm willing to do and not do. Funny thing is I'm realizing that I can do or go just about anywhere even if its just for a short time or a season. When and if the time is needed for me to make this change I know that I will have all that I need with me, great people around me, my recovery program, and HP.

Wishing each of you a happy Friday... Connie I am having the birthday party for the boys tomorrow too. Transformers all over the place!! Going to pick up the cake and the rest of the food today then tonight the boys and I will be decorating the clubhouse and putting together the goody bags. I think I did pretty good I went to the Dollar Tree and found lots of fun things to put in their bags. Only spent 17 dollars... proud of myself on that one. I also had a money fairy this week who sent me a 50 dollar gift card from my bank... so that has helped me in the expenses too. It's gonna be a gorgeous day tomorrow. Check back later.

[Impurrfect]

Wendy and Jewelz - I'm really sorry you're struggling. Too bad our loved ones can't see that we all deserve to be treated like queens!

Just checking in. I was feeling pretty good until I read stephensmom's post that the body they found in the river is that of her 22-year-old son. Addiction has claimed another person. I gotta agree that addiction sux!

[Jewelz]

well I just got invited to go on a trip to the museum of natural history with the foster kids.... hopefully it will be nice.

[WENDYLOST101]

Have fun Jewelz.

[cinderellawkids]

museum of natural history isnt that the one in the movie night at the museum? Its supposed to be great

[Japic05]

have fun Jewelz - hope that helps you feel better!
Cindi - was that the museum? that was a cute movie - Robin Williams can pull off any role!!