Pennys for your Thoughts, part 63

[Japic05]

Once Again We start another journal of laughs and lyrics, tears and truth, and whatever else you want to share!

Whatever our differences, we have found a common bond of friendship, kindred spirits and unconditional love.


We wanted to share a special poem, we'd hang it on the door.

A Special Bond
by Rae Scales

Even though we have never met,
I feel a bond between us.
A bond that should have taken years to build,
Yet was built in a month or two.
A bond that lifelong friends should have,
Although most never do.
A bond that I am glad to share with you...
My Friend and Confidant.

You are not here in body and soul,
But as a lighted rectangle.
You come to me every day as
A message on my screen,
A message that I can rely on
To cheer me up and make my day.
Through a keyboard we share
Our ups and downs.

I have opened my inner self to you,
And you have to me as well.
We have traded secrets and laughs,
As well as sorrows and pain.
I have never met you, but feel as if
I have known you most of my life.
To most this might sound silly,
But I assure them, it is not.

[kj0975]

FIRST poster. Lies just be sure to hold your ground. My nieces do that they throw a tantrum or make life almost unbearable cause they know my sister will cave eventually to stop the madness. They dont pull this crap with me cause they know I will just walk away and they can be miserable without me in the room. I have also just grabbed my purse got in my car and left. You should see the look on there faces priceless. Talk to the walls cause my word is the FINAL word and thats that. I dont engage in the behavior I dont yell back cause then I am stooping to their level. I talk softly so they have to stop yelling to hear what I say. My mom is a screamer and it really didnt solve anything so why bother. You get a totally different reaction from them when they see your not going to negotiate your the parent its your job to make sure he is safe and learns consequences to actions so when he gets into the real world he knows this stuff and will make him more responsible in the end. He will thank you later.

[liesagain]

Hey one issue that I'm having with son, I'd really like to ask you guys for more input but I really dont want to keep on about this here..........time to move on with less stress full stuff in the basement................ like whats for dinner

but when you guys get a chance can you pop in on the f&f board and give me our suggestions and advice? I'm gonna post there

Thanks!!

[liesagain]

thanks kj but damn thats so difficult to do..............you should hear the excuses and down right stuip things hes saying to make excuses..............

I am standing there thinking OMG how did I raise such a dumb ass ( sorry, but its true..and take in mind this is a 6 ft 120 lb boy who thinks hes a man)

and I keep thinking IF I dont make him see how wrong he is he could die, he'll never be responsible etc etc.................
so I find myself pulled in

and hes so stubborn I cant stand it

[kj0975]

Lies dont feel bad thats what we do down here in the basement we sort things out with each other. Advice, listening, talking things out.

[kj0975]

Yeah but if your yelling is he really hearing you or thinking of way to counteract what your saying know what I mean. When my mom yelled I stopped listening. I know its hard but they get the hint after a time or two and they stop the behavior trust me. Try it once what do you got to loose?

[anvilhead]

every time my mom backed down, something in me felt sad....when she'd say, Theresa Renee, whatever, go do whatever you want, please just leave me alone, i think my soul shriveled up like a raisin. even miss renee who was a relative breeze to raise gave me grief and i had to stand my ground and deal with having the door slammed in my face and hearing i hate you and how mean i was, and how absolutely horrid her life was - but somehow it all paid off - do the next right thing and the doors of privileges will swing open, be a dumb ass and i'll see to it they slam shut in YOUR face.......

[liesagain]

kj your right about the yelling but with my kid..................I can calmly go sit by him and try talking camly but he starts with saying stupid stuff and It throws me over the edge I NEED to work on that ALOT.

And no, hes not listening hes sitting there in his head deciding that I'm crazy and thinking of ways to get out of it............

My goal for today ( if the brats there to be picked up )
is to camly say I will not argue..............and stop talking until hes ready to actually listen.................thats the goal wish me luck.

[Japic05]

hey lies - just a quick word - would you let him at 2, 3 & 4 yrs old manipulate you with temper tantrums, stopping his foot and saying "no I won't take a bath & you can't make me" because you knew it was "unhealthy & unsafe" for him to go weeks without bathing.

From my perspective, this 6 ft boy in a man's body is throwing a temper tantrum - I'm not talking badly about your son - I'm only sharing from my experiences with my girls - they did & sometimes still do - they same thing!!!!!

You know what is best for him - he in his mind, at his age, can't make that decision - it's not because you didn't raise him correctly, it's not because he's defective, bad or unintelligent - just like because your 4 yr old boy hates to take a bath - he's not a "Pig Pen" (you remember the character from the Peanuts) it's just because he hasn't matured enough to make the best decisions for himself.

In you working with him on this - you are allowing him the dignity to see the right decision and the wrong decisions - you are still being the parent you are called to be.

Please, Please take some deep breaths - some self- care, remember this is not personal attack against you nor are your personally attacking him - it's about a disagreement a parent knowing what is best for a child - just like the 10 yr old who wants to eat cookies for breakfast, lunch & supper w/ a side dish of skittles - you say no & he says "John/Craig/Mary/Tim's Mom let's them eat cookies & skittles for lunch - you never let me eat candy - ALL the other kids get to eat candy for lunch - but NO I have to have the Health food freak for a Mom - now everyone things I'm a freak"

Try looking at it from that perspective - ok?

[liesagain]

-Thank you so much Rita...........


You know what is best for him - he in his mind, at his age, can't make that decision - it's not because you didn't raise him correctly, it's not because he's defective, bad or unintelligent - just like because your 4 yr old boy hates to take a bath - he's not a "Pig Pen" (you remember the character from the Peanuts) it's just because he hasn't matured enough to make the best decisions for himself.

In you working with him on this - you are allowing him the dignity to see the right decision and the wrong decisions - you are still being the parent you are called to be.
Hes not defective.............I need to keep saying that over and over, theres nothing wrong with him this isnt about his morals and a prediction of the adult he'll become at least it doesnt have to be!!!
I think that is big a part of my feelings right now..........like I failed, hes defective or will not be a decent adult if he lives to see adulthood...........

Thank you

[liesagain]

okay need a laugh...............?

he had me so frustrated with the so and so gets to speed and nothing happens, and XYZ's mom didnt take their car.............
finally I looked him straight in the eyes and said.................thats BECAUSE their moms DONT LOVE THEM

okay not true but feeling like a child fighting with him that was my best answer at the moment

[cinderellawkids]

My husband always come up with excuses and assinign reasoning adn his motjher rather than deal with it gave in. As a result hes learned "confuse the h*** out of them and they give in." He told me recently Im the only one who wont listen to his garbage and stands firm. Teach your son now consequences are consequences no matter how mad he gets. He will be made and grudgeful for a little while, but in time he'll understand and love you for it

[Jewelz]

Lies,

I am not yet a mom to a teenager and I am definately not looking forward for it either. But dont think you didnt raise him right just because he isnt making the best choices right now. All he wants now is his car to be free to do what he wants, and look cool. At that age most teenagers choose not to look at the whole picture.... its usually only about them and their choices. He also has another parent that is edging him on so to speak by not standing by you... so that gives your son ammunition to keep pushing it.

I also suggest talking to him and when you feel the desire to scream and yell just walk away.

My mom is a screamer.. always yelling at my little sister (19 years old) and my neice who she raises (16 years old). Even if my mom is right once she starts with the yelling they tune her out and make her to look like that bad guy.

[cookconfay]

Thanks guys.....yep little one's grandparent's can kiss my a$$, they're missing out and they won't EVER be able to get it back. Just would LOVE to see their faces when they got results of a paternity test....

My toe is NOT broken. Can NOT believe that. It looks like a sausage or something....and black & blue clear down into my foot. Not to mention I heard it crack & pop.

BUT, have a lovely little shoe thingy to wear and some bright RED buddy taping goin on down there.....ha! Still hurts like hell. Now I feel like a big dumba$$ and a wimp, since I found out it's not broke!!!

[Japic05]

hey connie - just cause it's not broken doesn't mean it doesn't hurt - if you are having to wear the "shoe thing & a bunch of taping assessories" sounds like it must have done some damage.

Oh it's not broke so I shouldn't be hurting - WTF - that's like saying - oh my AH only got a little drunk so it shouldn't bother me too much?????

hello - pain is pain - Momma Rita says you are allowed to say - This hurts like he!!.

[anvilhead]

connie, it probably would't hurt so much if it WAS broken!!! sprains and swelling and all that can hurt worse sometimes!!! shoot, guess that means you won't be doing that 40k marathon this weekend after all.........damn the luck! just baby your toe, and baby yourself.......

managing some productivity here......we have our budget meeting again this weds so i'm supposed to have the payroll projection spreadsheet all updated and lookin' snappy AND i gotta make sure i incorporated all the changes (add this person at 20% on this budget, but not til July - remember so and so has that new funding starting in June - make sure the discretionary account is split into two columns, one for staff assignments, one for overflow) AND of course that it's accurate. for some reason they are just sticklers for that!!!! i have rather impressed myself tho cuz i created a new binder for the project, with handy reference guides, sheet protectors, the whole enchilada.......

had hank's sandwich for lunch! already eyeing the tillamook marionberry yogurt........my muffins were not quite a disaster but danged if the dumb paper muffin thing just GLUED itself to the cinnamony topping stuff - i told hank well, it WAS a Crumble Cake mix, and it certainly is living up to THAT billing! he suggested maybe it's the muffin cups! (OR maybe i just suck at baking........)

[Japic05]

when it crumbles like that - I heard you were suppose to use Blue Belle Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream to help hold it together - course that might just be a rumor!!

[anvilhead]

well you definitely should not try to drive or operate heavy machinery with these muffins! one site i just looked at suggested foil baking cups next time..........thinking that's a good idea!

[liesagain]

connie hope the foot feels better soon.............keep it elevated that may help the throbbing..........

[anvilhead]

hey cind, how's AH doing anyway? last i recall he was on a pretty good run of consecutive days! are the box turtles still hanging out?

[cookconfay]

Dang....sure wish something else was throbbing....:rof

[kj0975]

Connie you crack me up!!!!!

[cookconfay]

Well...don't get me started....it HAS been a while!