relationship advice, as in dear abby

[fraankie]

iof there is a better forum, please post
but
a friend in AA met someone he grew up with 43 years at church
things were going well
good times, togetherness, money loaned to her, dinner, etc
he happened to find out about her past, 20 years ago
affair, etc and he confronted her
as he told her all about his sins, past, relationships, etc
yeah, he's that kinda guy
when he brought up she was lying
as he had info from a friend
she got angry, changed her phone, hasn't called in a week
he's a great guy, kind, gentle, an example of AA
she's not in program
now, he still loves her with all his heart
wants to send card, and money
what should he do?


best
fraankie

[best]

Crash and burn happens when honesty isn't there.
Sounds like she may still harbor pain from her past and unless she works through it...he may have been saved from more pain later down the road.

[splendra]

Maybe he was a little less than tactful in confronting her. She was no doubt taken a back by his confrontation. Is it possible it is not true? Even if it is true she doesn't seem to want to discuss it by her actions. To me she is saying she does not care to be up front about it even 20 years later if it is true that is...

[fraankie]

bump
for some feedback
it would really help my friend


best
fraankie

[splendra]

Dear Fraankie's Friend-

Why don't you give her sometime and give her a call in a couple of weeks. Maybe by then she will have her thoughts together and will be able to speak to you without either of you getting upset. I hope you will be coming from a place of peace and not confrontation when and if you are able to speak to her a gain.

[fraankie]

bump

[ccgirl2]

Two things stuck out to me: 1) You shouldn't "confront" people, especially about things that happened long ago. If it comes up, calmness and tact are much better than confrontation; I know I would react very strongly to being "confronted"

2) Loaning money to friends many times can spell the end of the friendship.

[barb dwyer]

Dear Fraankie's friend -

remember that most people can't handle the honesty that is required in 'the program'.

even if they are - never assume - even when they're in it =
most probably aren't "in it' as strongly/honestly/seriously as your friend is.

also - mayber give it more than a week.
and never. EVER... use money as a 'treat'.