Pennys #42

[cinderellawkids]

Its that time again

We talk talk talk talk talk

about everything.

Come here to whine, grown laugh post and make others laugh.

[Jerzy007]

Ohh Cindi...whats goin on?

[liesagain]

okay wow #42 came fast this time.........

[liesagain]

jerzy when we hit 500 posts we have to start a new thread

[cookconfay]

When I was 42...I had my youngest daughter...... ......

[Jerzy007]

Wow, ur very fertile connie..lol.

[Jerzy007]

It's been real interesting...Good night and God Bless!!

[cookconfay]

Originally Posted by Jerzy007

It's been real interesting...Good night and God Bless!!

Gee thanks......yep but I don't think you understand....I found out I was pregnant a week after my then husband moved in with his girlfriend.... : WTF?

[Jewelz]

Cindi, if that wasn't a message I dont know what it is... I am so happy hes doing better in school.

Loves,
Like others said you need to set your boundaries and I know you know this already. I could understand helping out with Wyatt but it shouldnt be everyday.. to me it seems your getting taking advantage of.

I also understand you not wanting Kaycee living in a house thats dirty soooo I suggest the next time your thinking of cleaning you tell them your going HELP clean and teach her how to clean up as well as the ex... cause unfortunately until they find out your not goin to do it they will just think.... oh mom or for the ex ....oh Kris will come here to clean. Its great help out until we feel inside that we dont want to anymore.

[Jewelz]

wheres is everyone!!!! Not fair! j/k

[cinderellawkids]

Things to do seem never ending tonite and the kids are very very wound up especialy my 3 yr old. Ive really seem to ahve my work cut out for me .

I dont even have the energy for bedtime, HAHA. Ill get it though.

WOw, I thought I had something to say and now my brain is a blank, LOL

[Jewelz]

Oh Cindi I go through that a lot.. your mind is probably just going, your tired and like you said the kids are wound up. My little girl is relaxing watching tv and michael is at grandmas. I am bored dont have much to do anymore since there isnt much drama.. so quiet here but I have to remember that its better this way than walking with my chest tight and angry.

[cinderellawkids]

AHHH CALGON.....


My dog just vomited, D is screaing and my cats are real close to being relocated to a nice...facility. (OUT of the blue theyve decided they like the counters,, this is a NO NO NO in my home, to bad for them Im enforcing boundaries this week

I think it is time for this night to end.

[Jewelz]

Get the kids to bed, cats out the kitchen, dog rested, and you to relax. Today is monday been a long day between work and talking to teachers... relax Cindi tomorrow will be another day.

[Palm Tree]

Hey yall'

it's been a couple of crazy days....had to time to myself at all; but it's been fun....we actually had all 5 kids over this week-end it's been really crazy n fun all at once....caught up on some gossip with my RAD Lizzie, she came over with her partner; Lizzie is such a great 19 year old and she's really trying to stay clean. She's into a government registered program and she's taking Journalism and she just loves it...it's ending in November and they may send her to a co-op Journalism program; hope she sticks to it......my 2 sons came over and helped John put up the Christmas lights outside, caught on gossip on my preggy daughter, her and her husband are just overjoyed and can't wait to find out the sex of the babe.....ohhh to be young again.....

I am applying for a new job with the Canadian Police here in Toronto, not as a police officer, but as an Executive assistant to the director of Police; WISH ME LUCK!!!! it's a good job, lots more $$ which i can surely use now with grand-baby on it's way, it seems that i've depleted all my savings with so many expenses and all.....I might as well make the money now before I get too old to work and I have to depand on my looks only....hehehehehehhe god help us all.....

I will try to get on tomorrow and keep up with all of our gossip.....miss ya all...

[cinderellawkids]

Will I ever learn not to take calls.

I swear guys I thought it was someone else (who lives in GA not NC, no idea whose phone he was using)

ANyway he wanted to talk to his son, not after 9, sorry buddy. So I told him about the little convo I had with his sister and said whats up with that, he said he had no idea.. (Yeah she called back 10 minutes later and called me a liar and said he listened to the whole conversation... who's a liar?--I calmly said no I am not, goodbye and hung up)
He had the nerve to say Im not cheating on you, but theres nothing wrong with chatting with girls online and flirting a bit, LOL....Yeah Im guilable, sure whatever.
There was a complete different tone to his voice nothing like the man I know/knew.

I ask myself what is reality? Reality is he's hurting bad and he's trying to move on to not feel, we all know what happens when you do that, I say let him

Im just really tired of these games!!!!

Id be lying if I said it did not hurt.... but Ill get through

[cookconfay]

Big hugs Cindi....geez......are they all just morons or what? I swear I think I gotta give in and go for this again only to be confused 24 hrs later? WTF...I just want to run off never to be found by him or my feelings again! I don't understand why we can't do this. I never will.....I've only been trying for more than half my life......and it doesn't seem to fit. I am already making plans for this weekend....I am going out to the big GIANT cross outside of Groom Texas, it's a very spiritual place....and since they built that years back...now there is a bunch of statues out there of Jesus and all.....well I'm not a religious nut, I'm just trying to get closer and feel his presence...so...I know some friends of mine in the program went out there to do 5th steps and all....maybe burn some resentment letters.....of course this is something I originally mentioned for him to do with me but never gave it a specific time & date....I've made my mind up....I'm going this Sunday after church.....yep.....and I just hope you wonder where I'm at.......see I get so up & down it's unbelievable what I put myself through....for what hell I ain't even gettin laid here...at my request though...see what I mean about being psycho? I don't know how I feel one moment cuz by the time I think I figured that out 30 more feelings up & down have come & gone!!!!!!!!! God help me........... and anyone around me for any length of time......

[cookconfay]

He just calls me back just now to tell me he doesn't want to do this no more....after telling me how much he loves me and how much he doesn't want to be without me?

[cookconfay]

Some days don't you just want to tell EVERYONE to F*ck off! Kiss my A$$, come here and YOU try to do this a$$wipe! Sorry, I'm just fit to be tied yet AGAIN. I could really tear something up I hate to cry, I'm sick of it....I can NOT believe that just one F*ckin day can be like this. That's what I get....all my efforts, I'm so f*ckin sick I can NOT stand myself.

[cookconfay]

It all sucks....just having a glimpse of hope again for a few minutes.....WTF Why bother with all that yesterday? Why all the talk tonight earlier? I bet he's drinking and getting all full of self pity again .... whiney...his truck isn't doing good, whiney, worked his a$$ off today....WTFever...I'm so blown away...how could I even go there? How could I even for one second think there is something, anything, any one teeny tiny little thing that's going to be different? I told him to call me if and when he's ever ready for counseling....but even then I don't think that will save anything......I want shock therapy for these thoughts, this pipe dream to go the F*ck away! FOR GOOD.

[cookconfay]

Thanks Happy....I'm sure I'll need to get that book as soon as I finish these other 10 I'm in the middle of....and I guess I need to read a whole helluva lot more, maybe more counseling, maybe more more more.....sigh...I just wanna get ok again. Lose the anger, lose the pain, lose the loneliness, lose the longing for his sorry a$$, lose the memories, lose the sh!t from between my ears. It gets to be waaaayyyyy too much up there. That itty bitty sh!tty committee is goin to town, lemme tell you!

[cinderellawkids]

Im back and everyones gone.
Well I answered the phone again (No Im not a fast learner)
But this time it was communicative, our feelings and such, in a pleasant manner. SOmething I thought of earlier was confirmed, his only computer access is at the library which is closed when he gets off work, his sisters the one that has been messing around.

He also asked if I thought things could ever work out and what it would take. SO I put this week aside and said honestly. Actions....not just child support but helping with accumulated debt, calling when he says he will, no family involvement and honesty, as well as him getting his license back getting a car getting his own place etc.

He was confused since he wa sin another state starting a life there just to one day leave it all. I explained, if he really got all those things and held it together we'd talk then (See I figure his sisters been trying to split us up for 4 years, so if I say nothing she'll make sure I know if theres ever someone else--sometimes your enemies can be friends... ((((evil grin))))

For today though we are separated and planning on it being that way atleast a year, we are both taking one day at a time to work on ourselves.

Do I really expect changes and us being together.... NO, but one day at a time, starting with seeing if a money order is really on its way????

We all know actions will tell in time, and whats time its gonna pass anyway

[cookconfay]

Cindi....you sound so strong and well balanced.....good for you!!!!

[cinderellawkids]

I hope I am and not fooling myself

[cookconfay]

Nope...you got it girl....now go for it....

I'm the fool over here.....I'm pullin the wool over my OWN eyes!!! How stupid is that????