A new book

[WLDKATZ]

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,
'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'.
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,
'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my
Word is Law.
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished
eating my meal, you
will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the
kind of sex that I want.
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.
Then, you will massage my feet and hands.
Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and
comb my hair?

'The wife replied, 'The fc**in' funeral director would be my
first guess.'....




Thanks goes out to my Sister in law for this one...........lol

[dgillz]

Lolololol!

[Gypsy Feet]

Haha

[WLDKATZ]

made my day I rtell ya!

[sailorjohn]

[lunarise]

ROFL lol LMAO

Thanks for the chuckle!

[WLDKATZ]

will put more up when I get them

[WLDKATZ]

George, age 92, and Edith, age 89, had been seeing each other for 2 years when
they decided that life was too short and they might as well be together for the
rest of their lives.

Excited about their decision to become newlyweds, they went for a stroll to
discuss the wedding and what plans need to be made. Along the way, they found
themselves in front of a drugstore. George said to his bride-to-be, "Let's go
in. I have an idea."

They walked to the rear of the store and addressed the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner? " asked George.

The pharmacist answered, "Yes, sir. How can I help you?"

George: "Do you sell heart medications?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

George: "How about support hose for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

George: "What about medications for rheumatism, osteoporosis, and arthritis?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

George: "How about waterproof furniture pads and Depends?"

Pharmacist: "Yes sir."

George: "Hearing aids, denture supplies and reading glasses?"

Pharmacist: "Yes."

George: "What about eye drops, sleeping pills, Geritol, Preparation- H and
ExLax?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

George: "You sell wheelchairs, walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds and sizes. May I ask...why all these questions?"

George smiled, glanced shyly at Edith and replied to the pharmacist, "we've
decided to get married, and we'd like to use your store as our Bridal Registry!"

IT IS MY SISTER IN LAW I SWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[WLDKATZ]

my momma said she was gonna kill her.................lol

================================================== =====
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:


'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'

*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.


*******************************


FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth..!!!!


1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9 Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11.. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you..
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
2 5. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.


SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH, AND TO THE LADIES who can handle it.. And they need a laugh, too!

Remember! A lady sent it to me. She was laughing, too.