http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/zencat/ Online Support Groups for Addicts, Alcoholics and their Family, Friends and Loved Ones. Sun, 22 Nov 2009 12:40:20 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/zencat/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/zencat/112-beautiful-california.html Thu, 10 Jan 2008 05:42:00 GMT I did a little work in my future website, still don’t have a clue about what its going to be about . Maybe something to do with gender identity, drug abuse, sexual abuse and Hedwig…hahaha. So far... I did a little work in my future website, still don’t have a clue about what its going to be about . Maybe something to do with gender identity, drug abuse, sexual abuse and Hedwig…hahaha. So far its about the musical Hedwig and the angry inch. Another day clean and another day relatively sane. Good stuff. Tomorrow is group. No thoughts on that for now. Its after group that gives me the most problems. All the why questions. Then the anger. Sorrow. Another day.

Got out a little more today. Thank the lucky stares above for thrift stores. Almost bought a bocce ball set, maybe tomorrow I will, if its still there. I haven’t gone to the library in a long time, time to return that book, man that’s going to cost me. And it is time for a walk out on the pier tomorrow. The weather is good and looks like we’ll get some of that beautiful California sun shine. I love it.
. ]]> Zencat http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/zencat/112-beautiful-california.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/zencat/100-robust-directions.html Tue, 08 Jan 2008 05:50:53 GMT Well, the friend girl told me what I need to do. Find a place of peace and protection within me. I admit I have plenty of fears, apparently one of those fears is the fear of success. According to... Well, the friend girl told me what I need to do. Find a place of peace and protection within me. I admit I have plenty of fears, apparently one of those fears is the fear of success. According to her, I know to much about what and why I have these fears, but what help has it been? Little. I agree with her , I could act more and discover latter. It was really hard to hear her explain, communicate her frustration with me. I have become complacent with regards to my emotional development and stability. Time to push past the fears. Good ole friend girl giving me a kick in the pants…its about time she said her peace with me. I could use robust directions more often. ]]> Zencat http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/zencat/100-robust-directions.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/zencat/97-reviewing-day.html Mon, 07 Jan 2008 06:47:55 GMT I think I’ll end the day with a journal entry and put to use the idea of reviewing the day. I think there is something in the AA big book about that. Went to UU church this morning and it was... I think I’ll end the day with a journal entry and put to use the idea of reviewing the day. I think there is something in the AA big book about that. Went to UU church this morning and it was intergenerational day there. Story telling with the children. I like storytelling as a way to share the message of humanity’s joys and sorrows. Worked a little on my webpage.htm project, wow so much to learn, with all this time on my hands I feel good about taking the time to learn this. Big subject. Visited a little with my friend girl, ha-ha…not really a girlfriend but somewhere in between, I guess its called these days a friend with benefits…lol and that’s ok with me. I not sure I'm ready for a deeply intimate relation yet, so I’ll take as it is and be blessed with that. Having been so lonely most of my life this certainly a big joy for me.

11 days clean, kinda suspect I have become a sporadic alcoholic if there is such a thing. I get about 60 or 90 days and then drink for one evening. Time to stop putting off my therapist search and call the numbers I have found. I could use a therapist that has a private practice because I’m tired of having the ones a mental health transfer, move, leave…whatever with almost no notice and leave me hanging. I hope I can find a psychoanalyst like the Dr recommended…yea I know good luck with that on government medical , ah.. We’ll see. ]]> Zencat http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/zencat/97-reviewing-day.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/zencat/83-place-interest.html Sat, 05 Jan 2008 17:51:44 GMT Today I usually go to my weekly AA meeting, but for the past 2 weeks I haven’t. The Christmas season has been a rough one again for me. Although I work the SMART Recovery program, AA still holds a... Today I usually go to my weekly AA meeting, but for the past 2 weeks I haven’t. The Christmas season has been a rough one again for me. Although I work the SMART Recovery program, AA still holds a place of interest and deep conflict for me. In one way I see myself going to the meeting as a way to gain some spiritual tolerance. I also like the heretical idea of a God of ones understanding in AA. I think that is what drew me to the UUA church in the first place. The fact that their early church leaders were labeled a heretics, some were burned at the stake. I guess I am a heretic’s heretic with my non-theistic belief system in a quasi-religious program. So I will go to the open meeting this morning and see if I can learn something about me, AA and a way to peaceful coexistence between the two.



"It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him."
..........Arthur C. Clarke
:puppet ]]> Zencat http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/zencat/83-place-interest.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/zencat/75-rain.html Fri, 04 Jan 2008 16:37:29 GMT Felling hopeful this morning. Sat outside with my friends this morning, having coffee, looking to the sky for rain, chatting. I like where I live, I still value the overseeing by staff and that... Felling hopeful this morning. Sat outside with my friends this morning, having coffee, looking to the sky for rain, chatting. I like where I live, I still value the overseeing by staff and that helps me so much. I know when HUD comes through I’ll be on my own but that’s for another day. IDDT Addiction Group today, if only they held more groups, alas they don’t. So many thoughts running through my head this morning, but what the heck I like to over think stuff. Think it through it is said so think, think, away…lol. :Dance7: ]]> Zencat http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/zencat/75-rain.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/zencat/72-yes.html Fri, 04 Jan 2008 05:53:04 GMT :bday8 :bday8 ]]> Zencat http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/zencat/72-yes.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/zencat/66-ok.html Thu, 03 Jan 2008 17:36:07 GMT Day 8 (yet again) no urges to use. Haven’t gone to a meeting because of the emotional flood of PTS from my religious experiences as a kid come crashing in on me as soon as someone stars talking... Day 8 (yet again) no urges to use. Haven’t gone to a meeting because of the emotional flood of PTS from my religious experiences as a kid come crashing in on me as soon as someone stars talking about there higher power. Luckily my IDDT PTSD group is at 10an today. There’s a DRA meeting at 3pm maybe I’ll have a better experience there.

:dig ]]> Zencat http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/zencat/66-ok.html