fallen on 3rd day...jeez

Ok, I have had a drink, and not just a little, will explain the day...

Friend came round and had to go to work at 4pm, went for quick drive knowing that i should not drink, got home and then went out on bike, then back again!

I had no money on me but people know me by face so went and got 10 cans of beer (small - yeah like that makes a difference) and a bottle of white wine...1st beer -shouldnt be doing this, btw cliff you will be wankered when you go to bed - yeah i know - ok then on your head be it!

OK so 6 beers later, 1 bottle of wine...just been out to get another with great success!

About the 43rd ciggie of the day, feeling pretty pi**ed...

If you read this you would hate me 37 yrs old no kids no marriages and an income way beyond normal with the opportunity to work well...wherever...but...

jeez i don't want to go into the amount of money that has gone through drinking and gambling over last 7 years (enough to retire, let's just say that)...(sorry about all the ...)

Oh man i am drunk listening to music imagining the person i could be so i dunno.

THis has all become a way of life for me and i was warned by lots of people but i don't know any different...

I would not give a bucket of pi** for my memories and i know that alot of people would but i would not!

It is so embarassing to be a drunk/juicehead whoever you are i guess!

I have cut off my family from this, 3 months ago, i just feel that i need to get away from all the 'help', it's so easy to get in trouble then go back and get out again (i'm talking financial obviously not drinking).

Anyways completely lost and i hate you all but love you all at the same time....i don;t need anyone's help...right?