As much as I can hurt myself and not care? I can't hurt the people I love that much ever again. I still feel like killing myself 10 times a day but I made promises and I keep my promises. But it's hard and I hope this is the one promise I don't break.

Most every day when I look in the mirror, I hate what I see. I really do. It's like I'm looking at some alien thing. I turn my head left and right, tilt it up and down, trying to find something familiar but I never do. I touch my face...

I'm by myself and I'm on a tour of some Anasazi ruins. I'm with a small group of about four or five people, along with the guide. We're walking along a narrow pathway...to the left is a drop-off and to the right are the various dwellings carved into the cliff. The guide directs us into a room and I notice that it's set up similar to a amphitheater. It's completely round and in the middle is what looks like a small firepit. Directly above the pit, there is a small hole carved into the ceiling. ...

I was on an ancient yellow school bus full of people and we were headed toward Canada, I think. We were running from something and all of us on the bus were marked somehow. Not physically like a tatoo, but there was something abhorent about us...something that our own government, our own people were trying to destroy. We were escaping on a modern "underground railroad", driving down a barely paved rural road trying to stay as far away from any human population no matter how small.
...

I have no idea what's wrong with me these past couple of weeks. I have honestly not been fit for company.

All of my life, whenever an emotion that made me the least bit uncomfortable started making its way to the surface, I stuffed it back down. I refused to allow myself to be vulnerable in that way. I learned at a very early age that when you get kicked in the face enough times, you best protect yourself by whatever means available.

But rage? That one I could let...

Now, my sister and I disagree on this point. She believes that if you call any nun a bitch, that God will personally kick your ass. He won't send one of the saints to do it. It won't be like... *knock knock*

"Xrmy? It's me, St. Frank. Yes, I know you're in heaven and all, but there are numerous things that you've done in life that warrant serious ass kicking. The other saints and I will schedule...