Do not know how to deal with myself anymore.

I do not know how to deal with myself anymore? I send mixed messages to myself all weekend. Vince did it to me again. Promised he would come by and drop off the child support money or at least what he could because he still has not gotten a job. I tell him go f off and then I feel guilty. See I am recovering addict and have been sober for a little over a year. I have been told it takes time, but I only am depressed when he acts like he wants to be with our son or he seems to use me to come and see him. I cannot let go and I do not know why. I am still so pissed at him for what he has done in the past how do you let it go? I have forgave myself for all the hurt I caused and have told everyone that and took responseablity for it. I forgave myself when will the guilty feeling go away or how do I change my thinking so I can be at peace with myself?

Vince is also and addict not sure if he is sober or not.