Mia
Posted 08-16-2008 at 07:00 AM by timeforchange
Well...I haven't even logged into this place since April. Wow. It's because I gave up completely. I feel so helpless anymore. I think I start every day telling myself I will not drink. But lately, I don't even try. I think I've drank every night this week. Haven't got completed wasted every night (did last night though) but I've drank. It's only been getting harder. I seem to be accumulating more drinking buddies, more downtime, and just more excuses to drink. I'm sick of it.
I've been very careful to stay away from this place, because I'm a failure and I feel it's not fair for me to keep logging in and documenting my "progress" (HA!), while all these people on here are staying sober, and I'm just crying about how I can't. Why can't I stop this?
I think I have thought about this place just about every day for the past 4 months. I feel so ashamed. I dont know how to do this. I can't go get help, I just can't. There''s a huge part of me that isn't ready for all that. I'm not ready for the life long struggle of quitting and staying quit. I want to be, but it's so much easier to just drink like everyone around me is doing. So much easier to just join 'em when you can't beat 'em.
I've been very careful to stay away from this place, because I'm a failure and I feel it's not fair for me to keep logging in and documenting my "progress" (HA!), while all these people on here are staying sober, and I'm just crying about how I can't. Why can't I stop this?
I think I have thought about this place just about every day for the past 4 months. I feel so ashamed. I dont know how to do this. I can't go get help, I just can't. There''s a huge part of me that isn't ready for all that. I'm not ready for the life long struggle of quitting and staying quit. I want to be, but it's so much easier to just drink like everyone around me is doing. So much easier to just join 'em when you can't beat 'em.
Total Comments 7
Comments
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That's your disease talking to you--telling you bad things about yourself. It's also the diseased part of your mind that has convinced you that is supposedly true--but it isn't. There is hope for you. There is a brand new life awaiting you--and believe me, not drinking/using is definitely the easier, softer way. Do you think you are alcoholic? If so, then what you are feeling would be pefectly normal....I thought/felt the same way about myself. I had to be beaten down into surrender by the bottle. My last drinking escapade was Feb 9 (this year). I figured it might be different this time--but it wasn't. I somehow tricked myself and actually believed it--that it actually would be different, but I was wrong. Relapse isn't always a bad thing--you can learn what you did wrong--and try not to repeat the same behavior that led to the relapse. But it is always the same--the mind is always involved. At some point--drinking doesn't seem as harmful as it once did...you forget those feelings of shame, guilt, horror, remorse which drinking (toward the end for me) always caused me. Hang in there! Please keep posting--even if you are still drinking. Maybe one day this life of recovery will seem more appealing than the one you are living. When you are ready--you will have to reach out/ask for help. No one can force you into recovery--no one can force you to stay sober. At least--that is what my experience has shown me.
Posted 08-16-2008 at 09:00 AM by ANGELINA243
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hi lovely my names nikky im from australia.
im just a tender 2days clean from a meth addiction, amongst other things, i started use of pills at 12, progressing as time did to iv use of pretty much anything, the first time i got clean was in 1994, considering it was 1986 wen i started...just fill the gaps.
it(sobriety-i hate that word) lastest a whole 2months an i did not clean up again until 2002.
that lasted a year an heer i am again....
it can be done fear or no fear.........your dis-ease(i personally struggle with disease as a term for addiction so i break it into dis- ease as that fitd fukin beautifully)is like a little gremlin on ya shoulder, remember how much havoc they loved to wreak on all!!!!!!!!!!lol!
if only addiction was so funny huh?
quitting is for people who give up on life,
RECOVERY IS FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO LIVE SUCCESSFULLY, U mate are no quitter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
u r mia an u r a recovering alcoholic surrounded by love, support an all you nedd to be succesfull....just open yr heart an break it down.
much respect to u an i hope u keep coming back
THERS NO SHAME IN THE FALL.
THE SHAME IS IN NOT PICKING YRSELF UP FROM THE FALL.
XXXXXXXXPosted 08-17-2008 at 02:49 AM by All About Love - Hi Mia, I've felt and acted very much like that before. Please don't let what you did yesterday hold you back today and remember no matter how bad it gets you are always entitled to a fresh start and another try.
You hear a lot of cliches about recognising the problem and wanting to change being the hardest steps, but what comes next sure is hard too huh.
I definitely don't think you should stop visiting the site because you feel you aren't doing well, If anything thats when you need to be here the most.
Good Luck, If you had actually given up you wouldn't have thought about this for 4 months. From what you have written it beleive you can make itPosted 08-17-2008 at 05:38 AM by DesperateB - Don't feel ashamed! Big HUGE hug. ((((((((((hug)))))))))))Posted 08-17-2008 at 03:44 PM by ROFL
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This place is a mix of people, not just sober people.
When your in trouble is when you should be here
the most.
I hope you stick around instead of just thinking about
it..
Big Hugs....Posted 08-17-2008 at 10:34 PM by Done_With_It -
i echo rofl and done. i really understand what you are feeling about not coming around because you aren't being "perfectly sober". i feel that way right now. i feel i'm being fake if i'm coming here and posting when i'm drinking so i'm kinda thinking about taking a breather for a bit from the site. so i'm on the same page you are. done said it well....not all the ppl here are sober. i don't think you should exclude yourself just because you are drinking--i still welcome you here. especially if it helps you to be here.
my breather from sr is cos i just want to stop thinking about it all the time. im 2 days sober today....still trying to do it as best i can.Posted 08-18-2008 at 04:03 PM by faith08 - I hear and feel you pain. Been there done that. My whole revolved around "drinking buddies, jail cells, and the GOOD
life"..Slowly and progressively it kept getting worse. I only knew how to drink and hang.. So what your doing now will probably be what you will be doing in 10 years if something tragic doesn't happen God Forbid. So you can see you future if you want to or you can stop RIGHT NOW and do something about it.. It's hard work but worth every minute of the journey.. It's not the destination that counts, it's the journey to a sober fun fulfilled life.. Take a look at yourself.
What you don't like change it.. This is a simple program for complicated people..Hang tough and fight. "If you want what we have, do what we do!!!!!!!
Peace
TommygPosted 04-08-2010 at 04:32 PM by tommyg123
