Well...I haven't even logged into this place since April. Wow. It's because I gave up completely. I feel so helpless anymore. I think I start every day telling myself I will not drink. But lately, I don't even try. I think I've drank every night this week. Haven't got completed wasted every night (did last night though) but I've drank. It's only been getting harder. I seem to be accumulating more drinking buddies, more downtime, and just more excuses to drink. I'm sick of it.

I've...

I saw the scariest thing driving home from work last night. I was driving down the road my street is off of, and this car in front of me was all over the place. They kept veering to the right, going completely over the lines, the back over to left of center. My street was getting ready to come up when they went completely over into the other lane of traffic and almost off of the road, then swung back over into their lane! I laid on the horn. Luckily, for those few seconds they crossed into the other...

So tired, so run down, still not feeling well after last night's bender. This is what I deserve though. I have to be at work in an hour, and I'll probably be there til at least 1:30-2am. It's gonna be a long night. I haven't had any caffeine yet today (couldn't keep anything down for the longest time), so hopefully I'll feel more awake if I pick up some coffee on the way to work.

This relapse/slip up I had is not stopping me. If anything, it's making realize how much I dont want ...

Just checkin in. This is Day 8. I pretty much have no desire to drink, it's weird. I dont even care anymore. I've been working out a lot more, but seeing no results and actually keep gaining weight. It's really discouraging. I really need to be more disciplined with my eating habits. I need to quit eating after 8:30, that would help a ton! But yeah, I'm feeling pretty fat and lazy this morning. I'm ready to go back to bed and it's only 9:30, AND I've have 3 cups of coffee! I dont get it. But I can't...

I made it through day 5. I'm on my 6th day. I have such strange thoughts going through my head lately. Some days I think, this is a piece of cake, no big deal, I'm just not going to drink. But yesterday, I was starting to feel bitter and angry towards sobriety, and this place. I was standing there smoking a cigarette thinking, 'why am I doing this?? No one's making me, I can do whatever I want. I dont have to go back to that SR place. i can drink if I want to!' Stupid thoughts, I know. They go almost...