Drama Alert

I love all of you so much. Where to start. Okay, Sat night my husband let me go out with some of my girlfriends, we went to eat first then to a bar, then to a club. all of which he knew beforehand and agreed. NOw in the past, he would have sat here brooding, and getting madder and madder, and come up there and dragged me out. Well he didnt do that this time. Instead he spent hours figuring out my passwords and reaading every email, (some of you will remember I had prety close male frineds on here) he found it all, read it. Found my journal, not only read it, but photocopied it and forwarded it to his sister for safekeeping. You may remember I had a suicidal moment vrey recently. Well, first when I cam home that night, he showed me all the emails, the journal, then he choked the s**t out of me, thew the whole mattress with me on it across the room (my back which was bad to start is now worse) he put a pillow over my face for about 45 seconds and I called 911.

He hung the phone up but they came anyway. He said to the cops "before you all came here she told me how she was going to make up a story and could cry on demand just to scew me) WOW, I could not believe the lies that poured from his mouth. He tried to show them the journal and emails, they didnt look. One cop took me into the kitchen and whispering, said "I believe you, but what your choices are , 1) I take him away in handcuffs he goes to jail, and he loses his job 2) We can take you to your sisters wher you will be safe and have a cooling down period tonight. I could have sent him to jail adn I buckled. Couldnt do it. Stupid Stupid Stupid of me.

Well, the cops took me to my sisters at 4 am or so, woke them up and I had to stay there for the nigth the next day I had a docs appt (they are adventists and open on Sunday) so when I got back, he was at my sisters with al the emials, journal, EVERYthing. Including some racy pics. Showed her everything, and even tried to show my dad, who refused to look. it was horrible, but he wanted to sit with my whole family and try to work out a plan, whether it was to stay together or not, we needed a plan.

We made an appt. with a couples thereapist (finally, been beggin forever) for Monday. My sister sees her and says she is amazing. I think this will be very healty for us. If we decied to divorce, we can try to be positive about it. I also have the number for a wonderul child psych. Jennifer (couple therapist) said she wanted to see us adn talk to us Monday, before we decided to call the therapist for the boys. I am going to MAKE SURE they see one. Lots of anger issues, remember I told you the older one suffers from nightmares which affects his sleep.

I am very tired and worried, OH YEAH, I forgot, he finally said, "yea, ok, I committed adultery with Paige, (my "friend") and I KNEW it all along but Dear God it hurt to hear it. I have never cried so much as I have over the last few days. Anyway he is also making an appt with a physician to find the right medication for him.( I SWEAR he is bipolar) he admitted his biggest problem is jealousy and his biggest fear is of losing me. I told him he was pushing me away, was never here, and we were like invisible to one another when he is here. I will be 34 years of Age Tuesday the 12th, I dont need this, and if something isnt repaired, and MAJOR changes made, then its over. I do feel like the therapist, (just like the one at cornerstone, my 28 day rehab) will say, we DO NOt need to be together, its unhealthy and we are both doing wrong. I admit, pics of me on the internet, male frineds saying inappropriate things is WRONG, and Im sorry. He actually ahd sexual intercourse (several times) wit this woman. Im not saying his is worse, but ithurts. I told him adultery was a sin, he said "so is LUST, which you are guilty of" He is right

I dont know what to do now. Other than the meeting Monday, all I can do is wait and pray (i could really use your prayers right now, too) I need a meeting, TONIGHt and to tell all this. He is trying to do everuthing just right, taking me out to eat, shopping, buying me the things I Like and saying how beautiful I am. Planing something secret for my bday, he was telling my Mom and she wont tell me a word, if it was bad, she woild have told me. She calls here about 4 times a day now, wanting a blow by blow account of everything. She cries alot too. I dont blame her for callige, etc. but we have a very very strained relationship (another long story) and its hard to talk to her every day. I dotn know where I am going to go from here. I am glad I have soem great friends (YOU GUYS) and very blessed to have you. I love you and thank you for listening to my story. Im going to put it in my blog too. All my love Becky

Cc, I love it, LOL I will say bite me for you!! I will also go and tell Mrs. Magoo I have moved. thanks for the heads up. You know, you guys are my FAMILY and I love you. YOu ahve been here ups and downs and are sTIL my friends. Its amazing