another day in paradise
Posted 02-25-2008 at 01:29 PM by tennchick9598
Not much going on today. Argued with the hubby today. Pretty good one becuaes the boys were at school so we letif fly. Both of us saying things we shouldnt have. I cried after he stormed out, and after I had told him, that we were slowly falling apart, we werent going to make it and that I was scared. "so, leave then" he said, "go, get out" no mention of trying or trying to be here more. He is gone night and day with work and his basketball games. I think he wants out but wants me to do it. Of course I have NO wehre to go. I dont talk to my mother becuase we have a very strained complex relationship. Everything revolves around her and everyone is out to offend her personally, geez.
Anyway, I talked to my sister and she said until I do someting about it, she doesnt wanna hear it, which caused me to burst into tears. I said, you know, I have no friends left, (she said whose fault is that) and that she is the only one I have to talk to. Oh well, make that zero except for you guys and you are all great.
I am going to go to a meeting tonight. I really need one. I am lonely, and very scared. What will I do? I get unemployment, and have two boys growing very very fastt. I am quite sure ni a divorce court he would use my drug abuse. To my credit however I voluntarily sought help, and tried to better myself. I guess that helps some huh?
My biggest problem is the up and down of this whole thing. I am isolatiing again, fear of rejection (everyhitng I say he says the opposite, or something negative) and only talk to the boys anymore. I am glad and lucky to have you all.But I need a real person, a rea friend who wont say, Geez, what a nutjob, lol.
My son has yet ANOTHER day of baseball tryouts. 5 days so far. I am so nervous for him, I can scarecly breathe. Please if I never ask for anything else let him make it. He plays football for GMS and is a letterman, but LOVES lIVES and BREATHES baseball. I dont want him to be a jerk, but if given choice between nerd and jock, I chose Jock for him. He is sooo handsome with his caramel skin and greenish blue eyes. LADY killer he will be. The other one is much more fair skinned with ebony eyes just like mine. The eldest (blue eyes) has my high cheekbones (comes from cherokee indian) and GREAT bone structure. Very handsome. The youngest is a NATURAL award winner. Remember the kids you used to hate that won every award at the banquet without trying,may as well never sit since they are up there so much. Thats JP, plus a standout football player, the oldest is the standout lefty pitcher in baseball. I love baseball much more becuaes I love warm even hot weather, legs get darker at the games and its not freezing cold. He wants to play GMS and rec leauge. They want him to throw sliders, curves etc. And you arent supposed to at that age, you will ruin your arm for the future. They have also pitched him a solid whole game. He gets so tired. Already icing down his left arm at age 12. I am so proud of my boys. They are what keeps me going .
My depressive state is coming and going. I am trying to do the right thing by taking my meds they way Im supposed to. I thinik I take too many meds. what are all of you on, if you dont mind my asking , if so tell me to p**s off, lol, I dont mind
I am just really scard right now. Listening to Broken by Amy Lee and Seether (my type of music) wondering what the hell I am going to do, where I am going to go. I will get some lawyer from legal aid who is wet behind the ears, and he will have a nice expensive attorney. They will make me look like drugie scum. I have lots of witnesses to testify to teh fact that he stalked me, assaulted me (threw a beer in my face in front of about 40 people) went ot jail on that one for disorderly conduct. Took 6 cars to take him. AFter taht, I cried adn felt guilty I didnt go get him. He has always known I am alwasy going to be right here for him no matter WHAT he does, always have been, so he can do whatever. When he wants to go out, he wants me to wear this or that, fix my hair a certain way, introduces to me to tons of male friends and beyond that, no use for me. Its like Im a trophy. HOnestly. Half the police force are his good buddies that he referees basketball with, or plays ball with, the rest of his buddies are jusdges, other DCS (dept child. services) workers. I know hw this will work. Hes a good ol boy ni a good ol boy system.
Maybe it will work just this once. Justice that is. I will write more on this later.....
Anyway, I talked to my sister and she said until I do someting about it, she doesnt wanna hear it, which caused me to burst into tears. I said, you know, I have no friends left, (she said whose fault is that) and that she is the only one I have to talk to. Oh well, make that zero except for you guys and you are all great.
I am going to go to a meeting tonight. I really need one. I am lonely, and very scared. What will I do? I get unemployment, and have two boys growing very very fastt. I am quite sure ni a divorce court he would use my drug abuse. To my credit however I voluntarily sought help, and tried to better myself. I guess that helps some huh?
My biggest problem is the up and down of this whole thing. I am isolatiing again, fear of rejection (everyhitng I say he says the opposite, or something negative) and only talk to the boys anymore. I am glad and lucky to have you all.But I need a real person, a rea friend who wont say, Geez, what a nutjob, lol.
My son has yet ANOTHER day of baseball tryouts. 5 days so far. I am so nervous for him, I can scarecly breathe. Please if I never ask for anything else let him make it. He plays football for GMS and is a letterman, but LOVES lIVES and BREATHES baseball. I dont want him to be a jerk, but if given choice between nerd and jock, I chose Jock for him. He is sooo handsome with his caramel skin and greenish blue eyes. LADY killer he will be. The other one is much more fair skinned with ebony eyes just like mine. The eldest (blue eyes) has my high cheekbones (comes from cherokee indian) and GREAT bone structure. Very handsome. The youngest is a NATURAL award winner. Remember the kids you used to hate that won every award at the banquet without trying,may as well never sit since they are up there so much. Thats JP, plus a standout football player, the oldest is the standout lefty pitcher in baseball. I love baseball much more becuaes I love warm even hot weather, legs get darker at the games and its not freezing cold. He wants to play GMS and rec leauge. They want him to throw sliders, curves etc. And you arent supposed to at that age, you will ruin your arm for the future. They have also pitched him a solid whole game. He gets so tired. Already icing down his left arm at age 12. I am so proud of my boys. They are what keeps me going .
My depressive state is coming and going. I am trying to do the right thing by taking my meds they way Im supposed to. I thinik I take too many meds. what are all of you on, if you dont mind my asking , if so tell me to p**s off, lol, I dont mind
I am just really scard right now. Listening to Broken by Amy Lee and Seether (my type of music) wondering what the hell I am going to do, where I am going to go. I will get some lawyer from legal aid who is wet behind the ears, and he will have a nice expensive attorney. They will make me look like drugie scum. I have lots of witnesses to testify to teh fact that he stalked me, assaulted me (threw a beer in my face in front of about 40 people) went ot jail on that one for disorderly conduct. Took 6 cars to take him. AFter taht, I cried adn felt guilty I didnt go get him. He has always known I am alwasy going to be right here for him no matter WHAT he does, always have been, so he can do whatever. When he wants to go out, he wants me to wear this or that, fix my hair a certain way, introduces to me to tons of male friends and beyond that, no use for me. Its like Im a trophy. HOnestly. Half the police force are his good buddies that he referees basketball with, or plays ball with, the rest of his buddies are jusdges, other DCS (dept child. services) workers. I know hw this will work. Hes a good ol boy ni a good ol boy system.
Maybe it will work just this once. Justice that is. I will write more on this later.....
Total Comments 1
Comments
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Hi:
Hang in there. I have to say one thing I really understand in the baseball. I to have a son who just had try-outs too, He is 11. He also is a lefty pitcher I would love to share baseball with you regarding our boys. I one of the things I'm looking forward too in keeping sober. I can't wait for the nice weather also. Anyway, be strong. What does lol stand for?
Thanks,
OgunquitPosted 03-16-2008 at 03:13 PM by ogunquit
