sigh
Posted 02-07-2008 at 05:28 PM by tennchick9598
well, after all that rejection from the "friend" I went to lunch with, (and I know that was wrong, I think I justified it becuase my husband cheats and i have women calling here at 2am and anonymous women too) anyway, he is texting me today saying how much he likes me etc. WTF....I dont understand this guy, but I am definately staying away. I have been working on my apperance here lately, I only just realized it. Highlights in my hair, tooth whitening, nails done, tanning. I think I feel like maybe if I just LOOKED better, my husbnad will find only me attractive again, but no. Its not about me its him. He has done this and gotten away with it, and I have always forgiven him and not divorced him, so why should he ever stop??? Its MY fault he gets away with it.
I dont know if any of you have ever had that happen to you, but when a woman calls for him, or I hear a new story, or I get an anonymous call about who he is out with and where he left his car (and they were spot on) but it feels like a punch in the stomach every time. I am afraid of leaving him. My name is not on the lease, neither of the cars has my name on them, I have NOwhere to go, NO JOB, I am getting unemployment, I would have NO INSURANCE and I take TONS of medicine, some that would cost 800.00 a month to take, and thats just one. I am scared the boys woudl hate me if I left him, we have asked them before what they would think if we split up, and they DID NOT want us too
Whats weird is he is an investigator for the Dept. of Childrens Services, he removes kids and sees if the homes are fit, and he referees ball games, so most every day he works till 5 and then goes straight to a ballgame till around 1 or 2am. These are the stories I hear, that he takes a certain woman to these games, once when we were out, this same woman walked up to our table and picked up and then SLAMMED it down, I said who in the hell was that, he said, "I have no clue" I found out later it was her. He sticks with that one girl, and she is UGLY. Thats what makes it hurt so bad. I have done the stupid thing and called her and threatened to beat her a** in front of everyone, and she was a big chicken and said she would press charges if I touched her. She said, she was upset seeing us out becase he owed her money adn she was pissed to see him out spending it" HAAHA like I believed that one.
I have seen her several places and she RUNS. As soon as she sees me, she takes off. I ask my husband what the hell she was doing at our sons ballgame "i dont know" of course you dont. Anyway, I feel so hurt and sad most of the time. In rehab, once I told everything they said it was super unhealthy realationship and he was NO good for me, and would never stop cheating. I tried to tell him we were too differnt now in our marriage and we should move on and he SCREAMED at me and threatened to inject himself with bleach. he has always done that when I try to leave, threatend to kill himself, or me or both I always feel sad, and hate to throw away 12 years of my life, so I stick it out.
So anyway, here lately, I have thought about seeing someone else. I know two wrongs dont make a right, but I dont know what else to do or where to turn. I dont want to live my life this way, I know that much. I plan on divorcing him, but I will have to get an order of protection the minute papers are served or he may try to kill me. I pray he doestn try to hurt himself, that would kill me as I woudl see it as all my fault.
Oh crap, I have rambled on long enough on this one, hopefully I can write more soon, My life is like a LOONNG Jerrry Springer episode, no joke. I want to be complimented and courted, and loved. My friend the other day, POURED out compliments and was so chivalrous and kind, and it felt GREAT, I was glowing. My husband once told me "No one else will ever want you, you have two mixed kids, too much baggage" Nice guy huh?
I dont know if any of you have ever had that happen to you, but when a woman calls for him, or I hear a new story, or I get an anonymous call about who he is out with and where he left his car (and they were spot on) but it feels like a punch in the stomach every time. I am afraid of leaving him. My name is not on the lease, neither of the cars has my name on them, I have NOwhere to go, NO JOB, I am getting unemployment, I would have NO INSURANCE and I take TONS of medicine, some that would cost 800.00 a month to take, and thats just one. I am scared the boys woudl hate me if I left him, we have asked them before what they would think if we split up, and they DID NOT want us too
Whats weird is he is an investigator for the Dept. of Childrens Services, he removes kids and sees if the homes are fit, and he referees ball games, so most every day he works till 5 and then goes straight to a ballgame till around 1 or 2am. These are the stories I hear, that he takes a certain woman to these games, once when we were out, this same woman walked up to our table and picked up and then SLAMMED it down, I said who in the hell was that, he said, "I have no clue" I found out later it was her. He sticks with that one girl, and she is UGLY. Thats what makes it hurt so bad. I have done the stupid thing and called her and threatened to beat her a** in front of everyone, and she was a big chicken and said she would press charges if I touched her. She said, she was upset seeing us out becase he owed her money adn she was pissed to see him out spending it" HAAHA like I believed that one.
I have seen her several places and she RUNS. As soon as she sees me, she takes off. I ask my husband what the hell she was doing at our sons ballgame "i dont know" of course you dont. Anyway, I feel so hurt and sad most of the time. In rehab, once I told everything they said it was super unhealthy realationship and he was NO good for me, and would never stop cheating. I tried to tell him we were too differnt now in our marriage and we should move on and he SCREAMED at me and threatened to inject himself with bleach. he has always done that when I try to leave, threatend to kill himself, or me or both I always feel sad, and hate to throw away 12 years of my life, so I stick it out.
So anyway, here lately, I have thought about seeing someone else. I know two wrongs dont make a right, but I dont know what else to do or where to turn. I dont want to live my life this way, I know that much. I plan on divorcing him, but I will have to get an order of protection the minute papers are served or he may try to kill me. I pray he doestn try to hurt himself, that would kill me as I woudl see it as all my fault.
Oh crap, I have rambled on long enough on this one, hopefully I can write more soon, My life is like a LOONNG Jerrry Springer episode, no joke. I want to be complimented and courted, and loved. My friend the other day, POURED out compliments and was so chivalrous and kind, and it felt GREAT, I was glowing. My husband once told me "No one else will ever want you, you have two mixed kids, too much baggage" Nice guy huh?
Total Comments 2
Comments
-
Hey Tenn,
Not sure if you want any feedback - but what about going back to school or finding employment? Start saving money now so you've got some income coming in.
An affair is NOT the way to go - this new guy may court you and make you feel beautiful, but you deserve to be loved for who you are, not what you are. Keep the focus on you, and recovery, and start making some changes.
I'm so sorry that your husband has affairs - all the more reason to keep the focus on you and your boys - you are SO worth it. Him cheating on you is about HIM not YOU - so please don't kid yourself and think you need to act or look a certain way in order to win his affections.Posted 02-08-2008 at 04:26 AM by Rowan
- You might want to think about going down to the local library and asking the people at the reference desk to help you find resources for becoming independent. I'm sure there's lots of money and services out there to help you out of a situation like that. You don't deserve to be treated or threatened like that. I'm with Rowan. Be strong.Posted 02-08-2008 at 10:07 AM by CurioAndTheCat
