I need to remember all my bottoms. All the times I swore I'd never drink again. All the times I woke up not remembering a thing. All the times my friends and family told me to get help. All the times I hurt people. All the times I humiliated myself. All the times I hurt myself, the broken bones, the stiches, etc.. All the times I was so sick it took days and days to get out of bed. All the times I hated myself. All the drunk-dialing I did and the embarrasement that followed. All the events...

So here I go again, the crazy rollercoaster ride. I don't want a drink, I do want a drink, I don't want a drink.......It's as if I have two personalities at work within me simultaneously. One hates the drink, the other wants the drink. As much as I hate how much I drink, as much as I hate how I act when I'm drinking, as much as I hate the blackouts, as much as I hate how I feel the next day......I still want that drink. Now that is crazy. If anyone in my life put me down, made a fool out of me,...

I am so desperate to quit drinking. It doesn't matter how much I regret the last time I drank, I still manage to pick up another. As strong as my resolve is to quit and never drink again....I still do. I am so frustrated and disappointed with myself. I couldn't feel worse. I'm 37 years old and have been drinking for 20 years, and trying to quit for 20 years. It doesn't matter how hard I hit bottom, I still get back up and pick up a drink. It doesn't matter how important something or someone...