My drinking was hard....hard on me and hard on everyone around me.....AND being sober is hard....but hard only on me, easy breezy for everyone else around me.


So if I'm going to struggle, why not struggle with the lesser of two evils; doing what is best for myself AND the ones I love.

When I drank I struggled with:
Being a big-mouth,
Having to be the center of attention,
Having to always be right,
Having to control each converstion...

I was thining about a quote by Albert Einstein:
"The definition of insanity, is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results."

This got me angry at myself for all those years of drinking. All those years I did the same thing over and over again, hoping and praying it would be different each time. This got me so mad at my drinking, so mad at alcohol. So here are the things I hate about it:

10 - You changed my personality and...

I posted this awhile ago and received a lot of negative feedback. People accusing me of blaming others for my drinking. Nowhere in this post do I see blame. My husband and I went to a party last weekend where no-one was drinking, and as we left the party, he said 'wow, it sure does make it easier NOT to drink, when nobody else it'. I just looked at him. He proved my point. He is not an alcoholic, but even he thinks it is easier to obstain from something when it isn't around....guess that's...

You know how when you tell your best friend a secret, but before you do, you say 'don't tell anyone'. Although you know you don't have to say that, you do anyways. Somehow it makes you feel better. Well, what I'm going to say before this entry is similar:
I consider my blog entries to be my personal journal. It really helps me to get out my feelings. These words are for me. So, if you choose to leave a comment about them, remember: 'If you don't have anything nice to say, please don't...

Because I am having trouble sleeping, at night all I do is think, think, think.
Last night I was thinking about how just one drop is enough to flip the switch.
And once that switch is flipped, much like anger makes 'that guy' turn from human into the Incredible Hulk, I turn from Tay, into the Incredible Idiot.
Because I have always known that, I have always promised myself that I will slowly drink that first drink and that if I do have the second, that is where it will end....