Letting GO

I am not an addict that I know of. I rarely drink or smoke and never use drugs of any kind. However, I do seem to end up with alcholics and drug users. I think its because of the chaos. I grew up with a mentally ill mother who was gone alot in hospitals and when she was at home, she was in her room most of the time. When she did appear, she was nasty with no maternal instincts. My father was building his successful engineering business and rarely saw what really went on at home. But he lived in denial thinking I was his girlfriend more than his daughter and crossed many boundaries. I have confronted him on those issues and he denies everything but apologizes if he did do anything. See how the chaos this resembles an alcoholic or drug environment?

I have tried just forgetting about many things in my life, but at age 52, that doesn't seem to help. I would rather confront, acknowledge, feel every emotion and then let it go. To just let it go without admitting what it was and how it affecting me seems to be denial, and I'm not into that anymore. I don't want to get stuck feeling bad about myself, so I'm trying to either date healthy, productive, gentle and loving men, or be alone. I don't have trouble finding dates, but I do have issues with picking the ones that make me crazy. I need to stay away from men with issues that they have not resolved. I have enough to deal with my problems.

I have so much to express, but I'll take it a day at a time and see how it goes. Today I am grateful for my life, my son, my move, my family, my friends, my work, my health, my mind, my finances, my hopefulness and my God. I know good things are here and more to come.

:praying