Getting to know and love me

It has very much enhanced my spiritual journey to to feel the energy of my sexuality. I have found that for me to learn to conserve and contain this energy is almost better than food. I know I have to have food, water, light and contact with others and my HP. But I do not have to have sex....

This may sound strange to some but before I knew about this energy I was always constipated and had 2 periods a month and always felt tired and drained. Like a stream that is dammed up my energy was blocked. I thought I needed to release this blocked up energy and I tried to use someone else's body for that purpose.

I thought I needed to have sex. It is very easy for a woman to find a willing participant. I thought I was being selective I chose people I knew and liked but after I always felt there was something missing and I always felt drained. My constipation and monthly bleeding would often increase at these times of having sex.

I met this very healthy individual (a woman) I noticed something about her from the very beginning she had something I did not have which was self esteem.

I worked in a therapeutic environment and had been clean from alcohol and drugs for several years. I thought I was healed and balanced. Somewhere along the line I realized I did not have any healthy role models who were women. My mom operated from a victim, martyr place and I believe I chose that stance for myself as well. It was automatic there were a million ways for me to operate from this position. Although before I got off of drugs and alcohol I was in therapy to help me get clean and I stayed in therapy for several years afterwards and they helped me so much there were still many layers upon layers of "stuff" for me to deal with. Getting past the victim hood was huge for me.