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splashylanding — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 12:58:31 GMT

amazing the responses I get in my private mail.

I was forwarned of an x boyfriend whom is still drinking, and that I should reconsider notices of any kind to him, of course it is my choice and up to me, I was reminded in the end

I also was told not to put those fake cheery notes in someones messenger, as they are only here to help. Hello, I'm only here for help

I was ask not to leave messages at all, that I shouldn't assume any relationship

Oh and the first private message ..... was from someone who didn't have time for anyone that didn't have God first.

geez, people are fragile, what would Jesus do? what does the bible say? I am guilty of being a tad bit religious.
Why would I want to deal with
1) a (limited) grouch
2) a person whom feels better than me or even others
3) a person whom has issues with a relationship they don't really want, or do they? and need to vent on me?
4) a person whom is close to God and doesn't have time for the issues of a human being, why are they hear?

I have an opinion, so I pray for us all, reminding myself that some of the last few words Jesus said while hanging on the cross, " forgive them THEY KNOW NOT (WHAT THEY DO)"

I am one of they, not worthy but loved, as I claim John 3:16
it is the only thing that will save me.
I can't save myself.

I do so hope to be a cheery servant,
serve my fellow man, and please God help me to maintain a positive attitude.
amen

I ask the question when I have an issue, what is the problem? not what I think is causing the problem, just what my issue is. Then I try to find a solution to deal with the problem.

I find some of the time ... the problem is me, having issues with someone elses issues.
I can't solve that.
so I have 3 choices
1) except
2)change
3)remove

tools aren't they great
oh and prozac!
just my thoughts for today

I ponder

splashylanding — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 12:07:27 GMT

as I attend speaker meetings and listen ... it amazes me as to the world around me that I had no clue of.
people speaking of drinking and drugging @ early ages, some even speak of how normal it seemed to them.
I cringe, because I am a mother. I cringe because how does this happen? I can't imagine how I might feel if my children were involved @ such an early age.
the last speaker I listened to .......... tied knots in my tummy, I nearly had to go, if for nothing more than to just lose my dinner.
it was heart wrentching and horrid.
brutally honest
cough syrup
mouth wash
just all kinds of stories

I may be alike but at the same I am very different

Good Morning, had an eventful weekend!

splashylanding — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 08:56:30 GMT

I got up @ 2:30ish had a nightmare or shall I say bad dream and couldn't get back to sleep, so I decided to prep for this weeks lunches.
I wanted to type down what I have for snuggybears lunch to see if it was too much
*yogurt w/blueberries (snack)
*celery/carrot/radishes (snack)
*grapes (snack)
*rice (lunch)
*stir fry (lunch)
*3 boiled eggs (snack)
*cereal/bannana -milk (breakfast)
*2 thermos of coffee

I started stenciling again!
cleaned out the boys apartment, that included
*painting
*vacuuming
*scrubbing
1) bath tub/toilet/vanity
2) refridge/stove/sink
3) floor in hall/ kitchen /entry way
* carpet cleaning
*windows/ mirror
*wiping down registers
*cleaned all dorrs

also started painting my daughters bedroom!
orange .... yes I said "ORANGE" much like the one you would peel maybe a little louder.

I'm going for now

shame

splashylanding — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 14:56:29 GMT

shame is very real for me, it holds me back, much like pride, it is something I need to get past, ANYONE OUT THERE .... who has dealt with this and has a few tips for me? open minded here

it's friday, the day after valentines day

splashylanding — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 14:52:08 GMT

alot of drama in my life, yet I am able to disconnect from it and not attatch (negative) emotions. Am I numb? what am I? I have 2 homeless sons right now, yet I myself have a roof over my head ..... and won't allow them to come home, so to say tough love.
there is a question for me as to what is the right thing to do,
my husband and I have been helping them along for more than 2 years now, it APPEARS that they lack the ability to be productive when they hve a cushion to fall back on or even to take care of their life, issues, bills and so on.
one of my sons seems to be headed for jail, I hope, and I pray ... that isn't true, but my gut feeling is that it is coming. heart wrenching is what that is. time will tell.
please note that I have 5 kids, 4 sons and one daughter.
2 kids under age. well kind of, my daughter will be 18 come may 31rst.
she doesn't have a job, ... because she refuses to work fast food, she graduated late dec of 2007, she is sleeping right now, and just like every young person ... she has her own ideas of life, lets call it young and dumb.
who knows what will become of her in 6 months, maybe she will turn her life arround? after all she did graduate early!
my love and I didn't celebrate v-day, I wasn't in the mood and he didn't have an issue with that, in fact instead of getting out and dealing w/ traffic, at 3pm we layed down together snuggled and fell asleep untill just after 8pm, for which we then got up and cooked dinner , fish/tolapia .... it was awesome, we had dinner with the 2 kids that are still at home, Amber & Casey. our dinner consist of tolapia, white rice, steam broc, grapes, & mushrooms, I used pepper pasted and romane lettuce to make rice boats, I love them!
I have a crown that chipped about 2 months ago, it is giving me heck. very sensative, however it was giving me heck ever since it has been done which was aug 2006.
I'm ignoring it for now, yet it seems to be on it's way to absessing. hard to imagine a root canal/dead tooth having the power to absess AGAIN.
this evening .... stir fry is planned, I have snow peas-mushrooms- bamboo shoots- water chessnuts - baby corn and so on, he wants to use chicken. I don't care I'm easy. yes folks I married a cook, he even cleans, does laundry, in fact he mops the garage floor! more power to him!
anyway just rambling
he wants to go to AA tonight, work out in the GYM, go across town and finish his dry wall project ..... not to mention dinner .... and so on ... thank God for prozac! come to think of it, thank God for all things in life ... amen:c007:

My drama,

splashylanding — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 11:34:13 GMT

:prayingI have a couple of sons here in ft wayne whom had an apartment in the downtown area, we moved here in sept 2006, my sons soon followed from the town of kokomo (IN)

We helped them get set up in an apartment april of 2007, after all the house we rented is a bit small. too many people create issues. anyway ...

nearly a year has went by and the rent is past due, and they both were struggling. Kurt had a back injury due to being hit by a truck. it messed with his cyatica nerve creating a lot of issues and pain. Nate 19 is still very inmature.

anyway, John and I have helped them both out since we have been an item so Kurt was asked to relocate to Ohio and live with his dad, or to Indianapolis and live with John's son.

Kurt chose to move to Ohio, so saturday we go over to his apartment and pack his stuff and follow him to his dad's apartment

kurt cried his eyes out. I miss him too.
MONDAY MORNING ....I get a call from Kurt telling me that his dad's girl friend stole his cell phone and he is out in the street because his dad got evicted.

I thought he was going to have a nervous breakdown.

Why didn't his dad mention this before we moved him? I mean after all Kurt had till April to leave his apartment. anyway just enough to mess with ones mind.

later that day they got a hotel room for the week.
then i find out his dad is collecting unemployment, i was under the impression he had a job. (should i mention, he has never paid a dime in child support ... yet)

Kurt said he had a temp job of snow removal and that before he could relocate to indy he would have to make some money.

Kurt also left with what he could pack in his little neon so he lost all his furniture.

anyway ..... it freaks me out a little bit
kurt says "why do I always get raped? I am a good guy, I help people out, I stay out of trouble and bad things just keep happening to me"

as a mom I can tell you .... it is heart wrenching.
I still have Nate to deal with here.:c029:

wed Jan 30-08 .... anger management group

splashylanding — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 01:19:55 GMT

hopped out of bed early as usual
it was very cold, so windy last night that
everything in the back was blown into the fence, including the glass patio table. didn't break though!
did the usual ..........
then got to work on the files.
spent a lot of time getting every thing just right.
later after he was finished w/work we left to shop and do coffee & bookstore.
Kurt was doing laundry when we left.

when we got back .... I left for class.
group theraphy. lets see how it advances.

The closet was fully painted, there was cloths & such everywhere in the bedroom.

he left for the gym. i'm still pouring so I elected to stay home. Kurt left just a few moments ago.

we are supposed to go pick up some groceries when he gets back.

I'm supposed to put cloths back in 30 minutes.
It was a long bright day.

:candle:

Tuesday! Back from Chicago

splashylanding — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 12:01:17 GMT

Saturday, went to the gym to swim, my energy was at a physical low. I was aching all over. Afterwards we went shopping for paint and a few other items. we treated ourselves to lunch @ a china buffet. the sushi was good for a change, I ate a lot of mushrooms & greenbeans. .... by the time I got home, I was wiped out. I layed down for a bit, got up and showered, put makeup on & got dressed, went out for a couple of glasses of wine by this time I am aching so bad that it feels like I have the flu. We head for Indianapolis to pick up Erica's tv, stand and a few other items. the truck was packed full. We visited briefly with Andew & then headed to Chicago.
I slept most the way there. When we got there we grabbed our overnight bag, airbed, & headed in for a relaxing night. Amanda's room mate Kev was there playing a video game. we sat and conversated till the early morn hours before retiring.
after a lil rest we got up, cleaned up, walked to the drug store, dropped off the items Amanda needed for breakfast, headed back out to the bakery and coffee shop. we got a pretty good walk in. when we arrived back Amanda cooked blueberry waffles for all of us and we chitter chatted for a bit and then we moved Erica's belongings in and helped get her set up.
I was dog sitting most of the clean up time.
After everything was in it's place and looked so nice we left for dinner. Finding parking is @#%*- .... get the point? @ this point I'm starved.
we go for the bakery first, then head for another parking spot by the jap/korean spot.
it was very slow service, our waiter didn't know english very well, made for an interesting dinner.
after eating we headed back, chatted a bit, gave hugs and headed for ft wayne. we got home a little after 2am, I slept most of the trip.
--------------- ----------------
5am Monday morning comes early, we snuggle in for a few more moments, then rush out of bed to start the long day/week.
I pack him, 1 thermo, milk, crispy cereal, apple, tangerine, orange slices, dried fruit & nuts. I slice an apple for him to take on the road w/coffee.
I make my bed & get started on my photos and kids albumas. I spend my entire day going through boxes of photos, cards & personal letters & such, putting them in order.
<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>
when snuggybear gets home we get started on out painting project. we paint most the room then take a break, I cook pork chops grean beans & garlic toast w/milk. after eating we finish the room. Oh by the way still aching started my period, that's why I haven't been doing so well. it is very early.
we finish around 9 put things back in order and well by the time we are turning down the bed, it is going on 11:30. he wants tv & snack, I roll over and snore.
BTW-Nate stopped by for lunch yesterday he has a new job down the street.
Kurt dropped by to help Amber study for her driving test & take her & Casey to the movies.
The dog ran around moping and whining while they were gone.
====================
today early up, achy, Amber has a sore swollen throat.
packed pork chop,cereal,2 coffee thermos, apple, tangerine, chicken soup, crackers, dried fruit, nuts, & peanut butter.

wrote Casey a check for lunch & considering what projects to do today my back is really achy along w/ the rest of me due to lifting heavy objects.

I feel pretty good about my accomplishments thus far.
Oh chicago was a lot of fun and I managed to find 48 cents. which i call angels watching over me. the thing is you try finding change where people are holding out cups!

Jan 25-08 FRIDAY!

splashylanding — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 16:34:20 GMT

:flower5:

yesterday, I tried to take a nap just after lunch time, couldn't get to sleep. Layed there listening to the TV with my thoughts racing.
I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF EARLY SPRING CLEANING
but this cleaning is theraphy. I'm going through the boxes from my past life/divorce, left overs and collected items.

IT IS TIME TO LET GO and organize the memories of my childrens stuff, school certificates, pictures, cards, just the things that are left after 2 fires, divorce, & many moves.

I'm doing well. have 5 albums/large binders jam packed.
I know this is meaningful to my children as they can look back through time.

anyway I'm moviong forward,

it was naptime when he got home and I layed down with him, Casey then called around 5:30ish and I went to the ymca to pick him up, after coming home the coffee of the day had worn off and I was crashing, so I did.
he left for the YMCA and I just didn't have the energy to get up.
after the fact ..... he cooked fajitas again and I got up to eat, oh no, what a mistake, my energy was back. darn it, I should have gotten up and went to work out.

we proceeded to organize, clean, the bedroom.
later his energy wore down so it was popcorn TV time, we watched Ramsys kitchen nightmares back to back, around 1:30ish am I 'm getting hungry, I didn't eat much at dinner, gave the dog the steak from my fajita because beef causes issues for me.
I went chopped up celery/carrots/& grabbed nuts -tangerines w/ginger seseme dressing. we ate till it was gone & then I became sleepy, it was just after 2:30 when we turned off the tv and dozed off.

******************
time to make the donuts!
I hit snooze, he pops up at 5:15 and goes into the bathroom to get read, I hear him say "Is the coffee started?" so i know to get my butt up & fix lunch.
no tea today, milk, 2 thermos/coffee, fajita w/wraps, salsa/sour cream, cottage cheese, yogusrt, nuts, tangerine, corn flakes, bannana, & dried fruit. BECAUSE I was running late I had to gather quick to go breakfast, boiled red potatoes, sliced apple, & orange slices in a bowl ready to travel.

************
I cooked french toast for Amber and Casey.
I then made my bed
went to get cigs
and started back on my project.
FILES ARE COMING-oh boy!

this morn I had 2 slices of french toast w/coffee in fact I need to take my meds.

Jan 25-08 FRIDAY!

splashylanding — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 16:33:42 GMT

Jan 24-08 Good Morn

splashylanding — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 12:09:49 GMT

:Valdog:
managed to get to the gym last night, swam, water arobics, 21 min on cycle (carb) 30 extended crunchs, plus. sat in the hot tub for a lil while and took a longer steam bath than usual, the moisture felt good in my lungs. BEFORE LEAVING YESTERDAY-I ate a bagel, that was my supper(Casey participated at the gym)

after the gym went to the grocery store to pick up a few wanted items. hazelnut syrup, along with hazelnut cream whole bean coffee, mmmmmm (drinking it now) dried fruits, nuts, veggies, & fresh fruit, I couldn't resist while standing in line ... a magazine. Spent 71 bucks, I looked in the cart while shopping wishing I had a cam because my cart was filled with fresh food and life has changed since I was diagnosed with diabeties.

after getting home ..... time to cook dinner (at least for the kids), yeah .. late dinner, often happens that way. steak fajitas. YUMM! while getting things ready & started .... I loaded the dishwasher, since the water had been off for a portion of the time dishes had stacked up. anyway, by the time I had finished .... popped corn, crushed ice & got a caffeine free/diet cola, headed for bed, turned the tv on, turned the bed heater on, stripped, pulled covers back & layed down, while watching fat show, I put lotion on, then ate popped corn, went flushed out my teeth, then retired for the eve

early this morn, alarm set for 4:45, I tried to hit snooze but managed to mess that up so i couldn't doze back off. I woke up a lil after 3am, had to pee, didn't sleep well after that, & didn't turn lights out till after 12:30ish.

so feeling lazy and guilty I popped out of bed, "saying time to make the donuts"! I head for the coffee maker, I set up filtered water, & measured the beans last night, all I had to do was ground the coffee, dump it in and hit the switch. (Most of the time the coffee is set to start at 4:45 but because I bought specialty beans I wanted it to be fresh.

started the water for old fashioned oats, wedged an apple, juiced 1/2 a grapefruit w/whole oarange. poured yogurt, milk, toasted 2 slices of bread, placed 2 slices of cheese, lettuce both sides, mustard and 3 thin slices of lean ham. rice crispy, carrots, bannana, tangerine, dried fruits, & nuts. Oh tea, and 2 thermos of coffee. Lunch is packed, finished the oatmeal, served w/splenda, butter, fresh juice, and an apple. plus the morning cocktail of vitamins. while I do all that he showers, eats, dresses, and heads out after a good long hug, luv you and kiss.

started water for the kids oatmean, chopped apple, added raisins, nutmeg, & cinnomon, brown sugar/butter.

made bed - cleaned up morning prep/dishes. unloaded dishwasher, made my bed, got dressed, took dog out, woke up kids, fed them,
typing inbetween all those moments, wondering what I want to do with my day.

at first this morn I thought I'd go back for a nap but the coffee has managed to awaken my senses.
(I've only had one cig this morn & I'm going to take my meds now)

I ate cottage cheese with pear halves. haven't juiced yet. also had some nuts.

*I plan to buy some sticker paper to personalize my days. what I did working out, what meetings, period and so on. figured it might be fun and easier, kind of like a star chart for kids. however mine will have icons of sit ups, swimmers laps, cardio work out, and so on.

just got in

splashylanding — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 17:21:27 GMT

wow they shut the water off, serious neglect on my part. You see because you need a stamp to pay the water bill here, & the payment is lower than the other utilities, it is often put on the back burner. Cost $60.00 extra bucks (cha ching) to get it turned back on. I guess I can think of it as providing a job for another fellow man.
Let this be a lesson.
In the past I have delivered it, just as I had to do today. No biggy, I didn't panic and I actually enjoyed the ride.

organize

splashylanding — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 13:10:12 GMT

I read a gratitude list this morn and that is a great idea.

1) gratitude list
2) learn to meditate
3) prayer
4) feng shui

I have a love for books
and have a lot of materials on self help and relationships. Metaphysical, spiritual, & mental well being.

maybe later I will make a list

court

splashylanding — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 13:01:48 GMT

:jail
today is wed Jan 23 of 2008, I have an appointment with my higher power at 5:15 way on the other side of town. I'm not clear as what will go on, just that I need 50 bucks cash and that it takes 45 minutes of my time.

Good Morning ............

splashylanding — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 11:48:29 GMT

:candle5D:
things I need to work on1) meditation
2) prayer
3) learn more about mediciple properties of
teas, herbs and spices yesterday I missed my regular AA meeting, went to the gym instead. swam, cycled, crunched. I have switched to herbal teas
my evening meal was cod fish, sauted squash, a couple of apple slices & oange slices and a small peice of garlic toast w/ a mega salad.

I learned that I love avocado while eating a california sushi roll, and other veggie sushi rolls.

so my salad contained ;
lettuce, half an avocado, 2 diced cloves of fresh garlic, celery, black olives, dried cranberries, sunflower seeds,green onion, & white onion
with seseme ginger dressing (mmmm)

:ws_flower

I then cleaned up a little in the kitchen putting things away and then went to water pick & brush my teeth after which, I stripped turned the tv on and retired to bed, hydrating my body with cocoa shea butter cream, then hydrating hubbies feet with a relaxing massage, watching the animal planet channel. a photographer was counting down the worlds dealiest snakes.
IT WAS LATE and I fell asleep just before the end.

woke up this morn at 4:45 to the alarm
(have you seen the comercial, Time to make the donuts, where the guy climbs out of bed early in the morn?) I went to pee then climbed back into my warm bed till 4:58

I went to the kitchen which is half a mess
straightened it up & started breakfast for snuggybear (hubby) at the same time I'm also getting his lunch pale packed and ready.
I served him ;
*a juiced grapefruit (lowers blood pressure)
*a cup of coffee
*a poached egg
*a small peice of toast
*cottage cheese
*4 apple slices
*half a tangerine
*4 grapes
*a glass of OJsounds like a lot doesn't it? the key is small porportions. I serve it to him on a tray that is nicely presented and garnished.
with that I gave him his morning cocktail as we call it, to tylonol, a-zinc vitamin & 1000 mg of Vitamin C.

I packed him, 2 small thermos of hot coffee,
a frozen pint of tea, cottage cheese, yogurt, toasted garlic onion bagel with cream cheese, rice crisys, a bannana, grapes, pint of milk, fish, and left over squah.

myself I juiced a graprfruit, ate half a tangerine, finished the apple slices, and I'm drinking coffee. I took a vita c and A-Z, a chantix (for smoking) prozac, and I'm missing my avandia at the moment due to insurance changes.
I've learned that eating in the morning really does jump start your metabolism, which in effect helps with burning fat/calories. otherwise your body stores more calories.

Amber has arrived out of bed at 6:25
she took the dog that we are sitting for John's (snuggybear) daughter out and fed him. His name is Avery, he is a small shelty (miniture like collie) he is a very good dog.

Time for Casey to get up 6:45, he leaves for the bus stop at 7:05.

I'm still a bit tired this morn and stiff from the work out yesterday. Usually the crunches hit me a couple of days after doing them.

I have to say that I've never been one for exercise but I find it invigorating.
It's the first 20 minutes that are the hardest after that a new energy kicks in.

*I love sushi
*my favorite color is green
*I enjoy watching
animal planet
discovery
discovery health
Nat Geo
the BBC channel
tlc
travel chanel
court tv