!@#$%

I'm tired of the flashbacks, the nightmares, the anxiety, and the random fxckin panic attacks. Well, they're not so random, they come for a reason, but they're "inconvenient." Apparently my meds were actually doing something, they seemed to suppress the anxiety and keep the panic attacks at bay, but now that I'm off them it's just a huge cloud of shxt hanging over me. It's just coming down and I don't think it's going to let up anytime soon.

The day...

I bet you're sittin with Tommy right now. Hope you guys are kickin' it like old times...


^Tommy^Mike

I'm sick of being on so many medications when I feel like so few work. I'm thinking about jumping off them. And at this rate, I'm not going to have enough money to pay for them soon, or counseling, or anything. I'm not sure anymore, if they really do work. At first I felt like they did something, helped balance me out, but lately it's just been a down swing. I just feel like they aren't working like they should. I feel like giving up. I've tried so many different ones, sometimes I think that meds...

You will forever be my best buddy.

...And the donkey's.



R.I.P.

Though not all my thoughts or memories are coherent right now there has been a bothersome one there all day. My emotions have been all over the place since the surgeries and I know that is partly to blame but this is bringing me to tears. Perhaps they are more tears of frustration than grief, I don't know for sure. I am finally with these people that love and care about me, people that I would trust with my life, but all I can think about is how abandoned I feel. I need my dad, right now, but I...