Ok now what - HELP!
Posted 01-20-2008 at 10:07 AM by someonessister
Bro is doing quite well. The doctor says he is finally doing so much better because for 9 days he was still having DTs. He already told the doctor today that he's not an alcoholic and only drinks twice a month. The hospital social worker and a psych doctor are supposed to help, but..........do I need an intervention specialist? Do social workers do that? Do we just walk away if he won't commit to a program? He almost died this time, but I think he will next time. Do I merely shoot straight with him with no pretense or is there something more I should do to head him toward treatment. I will not move him into my house or give him money. Dad will have to make that decision for himself. Your experiences or comments please.
Total Comments 5
Comments
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that is a loaded gun, have you ever been to Al Anon? your questions ask what you should do. May I focus on that just a little bit?
my father is an alcoholic whom drinks darn near the whole half gallon of cheap whiskey every night. It hurts to know. There are moments when there is drama back where I grew up. I get a phone call.
I am torn, my emotions run strong BUT I can't help the alcohol related issues.
what can I do?
there are 3 options in life
1)accept it
2)change it
3)remove it
I accept my father for who he is because only he can change his life. I changed the relationship and only have him around when he is sober, I have removed the bad elements.
all you can do is pray, give it to your higher power. love him for who he is, after all he is an alcoholic, no sence in both of you being in deniel.
set your boundries and live with them. the bottom line is you can only fix your problems and your brother isn't your problem.
I've learned recently not to complicate my life by adding baggage. I take a problem write it down and deal with it in a simple way.
if someone ask you what your problem is
would you say My Brother (is trying to kill himself)?
again what is YOUR PROBLEM?
sounds like you need to accept him as he is.
would you say, I am concerned about my brothers health?
again, sounds like your emotions are the issue.
yeah I know the hurt, I've watched my dad crawl into the house, fall in the kitchen and break things, fall out of an auto, yeah it hurts.
I know that any day I could get a call of death.
when he is gone will I feel guilty for keeping a distance?
what do I need to do to complete me, to balance me.
my brother is an alcoholic too, he has managed to get himself into some real pickled situations over the past 2 years while going through a divorce, even sliced his wrist.
my mother is an alcoholic (closet drinker)
I am an alcoholic, haven't had a drink this year but it doesn't matter I still qualify as an alcoholic.
I married an alcoholic, one whom had his last drink Nov 2nd of last year.
alcoholics stop drinking when THEY are ready and there is nothing anyone can do for them until they are ready.
some don't make it.
brace yourself, it's not your fault, it's not your problem and if you need to seperate yourself from him to deal with him then go for it. Do tell him how you feel, tell him your boundries. And I can't blame you for leaving him on the streets with no money. After all it is his problem for him to figure out. The best you can do is keep your witts about you so that when or if he comes around you will be calm and supportive. Blessings to you and I will keep you in prayer.Posted 01-23-2008 at 05:44 AM by splashylanding
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Thank you. That is what I needed to hear. We FINALLY got his psych nurse to talk to us (She'd been sick for a few days) and said the same things. I guess Dad has to be sick right along with him, because I can't control him either and he'll do what he does.Posted 01-23-2008 at 06:56 AM by someonessister - I'd like to think that it's all in Gods hands and maybe your dad is part of God's plan.
humans are complicated beings an emotion wreck. In 2004 I sat and I realized why Jesus took the cross. It was like an epiphany. No matter how good we try to be, we are not able to pull off perfection. All beings have downfalls. All beings have something wonderful about them.
Some of the things I've learned from going to AA and Al Anon (and listening) is that unconditional love is the key to life. We should always be reduced to just I. Everything in life that we think, feel, do, is owned by ourself. Others have their own idea and their own self, which I assure you is different than the self we know. Red may be red but it is still different to everyone no matter how simple it is.
your brother is a devine spirit, God loves him as much as he does all others.
*If we can choose to see the good in everyone and everything
If we can choose to let go of what WE WANT
If we can attend to only the man in the mirror
there are 12 steps, they can be applied to anything.
it all comes down to being the best person I can be and serving my fellow man (good samaratin) with love.
judging not what others do, but focusing on what I do.
I collect ideas from all kinds of places and materials.
today I think I have learned what I have stated above, but I know with every passing day I will learn and grow with more wisdom.
have you tried a support group? If not I suggest Al Anon for you. Your not alone, people struggle everyday with alcoholics and ou would be amazed at what people do go through I know I was.
Listening to others has helped me a lot. I now know that my isolated thinking was my enemy. In order to grow I had to learn a spectrum of ideas and information. I'm still in infantcy but at least I put a step forward in a proactive positive direction.
my addictions today are smoking, sometimes benge eating, coffee for sure, at times sleeping. reactions of the human being in order to (NOT) with what is going on. I'm learning more positive ways to use a human response, like when I have the need to over eat, celery, carrots, & popcorn. all I can eat of it.
I love to dream (sleep) setting daily goals helps motivate me. like going to the gym, going to the book store, going to the library, going to visit my kids, or even the simple things like making my bed, unloading the dishwasher, going through a junk drawer.
It is amazing how much better I feel when I get things acomplished, it gives me some what of a feeling of being in control.Posted 01-23-2008 at 07:36 AM by splashylanding - Dad has now come around but unfortunately bro doesn't want help, so I guess he just has to struggle. I have felt guilty for not doing anything, but now know I was doing the right thing by not doing anything to help him drink. (It was easier when it was my ex-husband. I just kicked him out.) Not as easy with a brother.
You're right. I have enough to take care of keeping myself on track!
Thank you so much for your input.Posted 01-26-2008 at 09:02 PM by someonessister -
Big hugs to you..Posted 03-11-2008 at 04:40 PM by NOMOMERLOTMAMMA
