I stayed up all night bawling last night. I have BPD and I think it's kicking my ass. I have two exams, a paper, and a presentation left to do next week and I've been stressed by a number of things. Yesterday was ridiculous. I was grateful and excited during the day yesterday and then last night it just took a turn for the worst. I just felt crazy. I didn't do anything but I thought of crazy things like jumping out of my window or going to the store to buy sparks. I hated it. Today will probably...

Today was a decent day. My mom came down to visit me yesterday. She only stayed the night. She brought my neice with her. It was a long trip to make for only a night, but there has been drama going on at her house. It's amazing that I can provide a place to get away from stress. I used to be one of the biggest sources of stress for her. I'm grateful for that.
I talked to Jen again today. She doesn't think it's a good idea for me to go see her this weekend. I bawled while we were talking,...

Today was a good day overall, but I know I did some bad things. I'll start with the bad n' end with the good.
I contacted my exgirlfriend Jen yesterday and told her I wanted to be friends. Before I really wanted a committment from her. She made it clear to me today that if we're gonna be friends she'll do what she wants with who she wants. I'm trying to rationalize in my head why I can be okay with that now, even though I wasn't before. My solution is this... meet someone else asap.
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I gave in today. I text Jen and told her I want to be friends. I need to see her and sleep with her. I was having a good today until i decided to sit down and write her a letter... then I thought I should just text her. I did. She text back. She doesn't know if she wants to be friends yet. I don't know if I want her to accept or reject me.
This love addiction is the worst. I am so powerless. I need to get through my fourth step...
I feel like a failure. I keep saying the same ****...

I'm beginning to think that I may be addicted to love. I recently got out of yet another relationship (the 4th in my soon to be 11 months of recovery). I need to stay single and learn to love myself, but it is probably the most painful experience I've ever been through. It's only been 3 days since I last talked to my ex, it's been 2 weeks since we've seen eachother. I really loved her and I believe she loved me, but we both have character defects that we haven't looked at that definetly prevented...