Recovery From Addiction Essay One: "Self-Medicating"
Posted 10-19-2009 at 04:21 PM by Skayda
Here's my first mini-essay on addiction and recovery:
"Self-Medicating"
Ever since I was very young there's almost always been, in my life, a form of self-medicating. Whether it came in the form of a flintstone vitamin doled out with excitement once a day or a piece of chocolate with the promise that whatever hurts today wouldn't tomorrow. You see, I grew up believing that if something is wrong or aches, even mildly, emotionally, mentally or physically, that we must take something, eat something or place something over it and rid ourselves of any and all negative feelings at all cost. The unspoken motto of our family for generations past has always been; "It's better to be numb than in pain". So, it should come as no surprise whatsoever that painkillers were popped like the aforementioned flintstone vitamins around my house both as a teenager and a young adult. Oh, at first I was taking them, after having been clean for several years, as prescribed by a doctor for a very bad case of re-curring kidney stones. But, soon I came to realize how they affected other aspects of my physical and emotional being. The favoured numbness was easier to achieve, life was much easier, so it seemed at the time, to handle and the depression and mania due to my being bi-polar seemed like less to deal with under a blanket of narcotic bliss. Life seemed a breeze while I was under that blanket. I had to come down a long and winding pathway in order to finally reach the end of the forest and see the trees for what they really were. It took awhile before I could really understand that that blanket of seeming narcotic bliss was not the warm and comforting in it's steady numbness but thick, scratchy and suffocatingly claustrophobic. If I would have stayed submerged within the seductive folds of the narcotic blanket I have no doubt that it would have eventually have become my death shroud. I hope that whoever is reading this understanding metaphors,(even mixed ones such as these), but, if not, I will lay this on you in more simpler terms: Addiction sucks and self-medicating is no way to go about dealing with your hurts. If I did not seek help when I did to change my life for the better I would be looking down on you from the afterlife instead of sitting somewhere on earth, very much alive, wondering who is now reading these words. God bless you for every thing you've been through and everything you will soon be accomplishing on your own journey of recovery. I plan on never again allowing that evil blanket to touch my being; either physically, emotionally or mentally.
End.
Sorry, I know it's a bit on the rambling side.
"Self-Medicating"
Ever since I was very young there's almost always been, in my life, a form of self-medicating. Whether it came in the form of a flintstone vitamin doled out with excitement once a day or a piece of chocolate with the promise that whatever hurts today wouldn't tomorrow. You see, I grew up believing that if something is wrong or aches, even mildly, emotionally, mentally or physically, that we must take something, eat something or place something over it and rid ourselves of any and all negative feelings at all cost. The unspoken motto of our family for generations past has always been; "It's better to be numb than in pain". So, it should come as no surprise whatsoever that painkillers were popped like the aforementioned flintstone vitamins around my house both as a teenager and a young adult. Oh, at first I was taking them, after having been clean for several years, as prescribed by a doctor for a very bad case of re-curring kidney stones. But, soon I came to realize how they affected other aspects of my physical and emotional being. The favoured numbness was easier to achieve, life was much easier, so it seemed at the time, to handle and the depression and mania due to my being bi-polar seemed like less to deal with under a blanket of narcotic bliss. Life seemed a breeze while I was under that blanket. I had to come down a long and winding pathway in order to finally reach the end of the forest and see the trees for what they really were. It took awhile before I could really understand that that blanket of seeming narcotic bliss was not the warm and comforting in it's steady numbness but thick, scratchy and suffocatingly claustrophobic. If I would have stayed submerged within the seductive folds of the narcotic blanket I have no doubt that it would have eventually have become my death shroud. I hope that whoever is reading this understanding metaphors,(even mixed ones such as these), but, if not, I will lay this on you in more simpler terms: Addiction sucks and self-medicating is no way to go about dealing with your hurts. If I did not seek help when I did to change my life for the better I would be looking down on you from the afterlife instead of sitting somewhere on earth, very much alive, wondering who is now reading these words. God bless you for every thing you've been through and everything you will soon be accomplishing on your own journey of recovery. I plan on never again allowing that evil blanket to touch my being; either physically, emotionally or mentally.
End.
Sorry, I know it's a bit on the rambling side.
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