My Drive Home From Work.
Posted 02-01-2008 at 04:11 PM by SF69
On my drive home from work, with my mind just wandering, I had one of those "Eureka!" moments on why I abuse alcohol.
Before I go on, let me just say that this isn't me copping out or creating some sort of denial land to reside in. I'm still as commited to keep sober as before.
For some reason I got to thinking about drinking patterns. As I've mentioned in the forums, I was a 2-3 day a week drinker, but I would get the most out of those few days. I wondered why on rare occasions I could 'control' my drinking (2 or 3 beers then stop with no problem), and why most of the time I'd go out and drink to a complete excess.
It hit me. Much of it comes down to my social anxiety, especially when dealing with women.
The 'control' times, like Christmas with my family or going over to buddy's to watch a football game, I didn't want anything more out of the beer than just a beverage. But 90% of the time I would drink excessively, I would be out at a bar or club trying to meet/pick up women. And 2 or 3 beers didn't cut it in helping me to get over my shyness. I need at least 8 to go into Cassanova mode.
I'm hoping that by removing alcohol from my life equation, that I'll finally be able to see the problems in my life and be able to work on them myself, and not use alcohol to do the 'work'.
Before I go on, let me just say that this isn't me copping out or creating some sort of denial land to reside in. I'm still as commited to keep sober as before.
For some reason I got to thinking about drinking patterns. As I've mentioned in the forums, I was a 2-3 day a week drinker, but I would get the most out of those few days. I wondered why on rare occasions I could 'control' my drinking (2 or 3 beers then stop with no problem), and why most of the time I'd go out and drink to a complete excess.
It hit me. Much of it comes down to my social anxiety, especially when dealing with women.
The 'control' times, like Christmas with my family or going over to buddy's to watch a football game, I didn't want anything more out of the beer than just a beverage. But 90% of the time I would drink excessively, I would be out at a bar or club trying to meet/pick up women. And 2 or 3 beers didn't cut it in helping me to get over my shyness. I need at least 8 to go into Cassanova mode.
I'm hoping that by removing alcohol from my life equation, that I'll finally be able to see the problems in my life and be able to work on them myself, and not use alcohol to do the 'work'.
Total Comments 2
Comments
-
I too am looking at my 'drinking patterns', figuring out why I drink. And I have realized a lot about myself and why I picked up the drink. The problem is I realized it all too late. I realized it after I have abused alcohol so much, that I am at the point where I cannot take one drop without it turning into a drunk.
I think it is important to figure out the 'whys' of our drinking so that we can get better 'emotionally/spiritually', but it is also important that we ACCEPT that we can no longer drink.
Great blog!Posted 02-22-2008 at 03:45 PM by tay-lyn
- hey dont take this the wrong way, but whenever i went to bars i always avoided those 'staggering cassanovas'. i was too embarrassed for the poor souls who obviously had no confidence in themselves. it was always the sober ones that i thought were more interesting to talk to. though i cant imagine it would be too fun to be sober at a bar.Posted 01-01-2009 at 02:36 AM by kw77
