Memories...
Posted 05-07-2008 at 09:58 PM by Serenity8
So, the husband is in Outpatient Rehab as of last week. It has been exactly what I've hoped for for over 2 years. So why am I so calm about it? Why do I feel like it won't even make a difference?
Lately I've been remembering all the crappy things that have been done and said over the years. Me knowing that THIS wasn't the way it was SUPPOSED to be but having no idea what the core issue was. Him just getting angry at me for prying, and constantly running away from me. We've been together for 16 years. That is a long time to pine away for someone who is chasing something else.
He can't even look me in the eye, it's been that way for a long time now. And he can't even let me finish a sentence before he starts walking out of a room.
He SAYS he wants to make this marriage work, says he will do ANYTHING to not lose me. But he has no idea how much he has shut me out, how he has made himself a complete stranger to me. I am worth more than the scraps of time he throws my way when he feels like coming out of his cloak of doom.
I am happy to report that I have an appointment set up with a family member to stop by on Friday and help me get kick-started with the divorce paperwork again. I need a kick in the pants, and I feel paralyzed whenever I look at it, like I don't know where to begin. So this will help me get back on the path to my peaceful future.
Lately I've been remembering all the crappy things that have been done and said over the years. Me knowing that THIS wasn't the way it was SUPPOSED to be but having no idea what the core issue was. Him just getting angry at me for prying, and constantly running away from me. We've been together for 16 years. That is a long time to pine away for someone who is chasing something else.
He can't even look me in the eye, it's been that way for a long time now. And he can't even let me finish a sentence before he starts walking out of a room.
He SAYS he wants to make this marriage work, says he will do ANYTHING to not lose me. But he has no idea how much he has shut me out, how he has made himself a complete stranger to me. I am worth more than the scraps of time he throws my way when he feels like coming out of his cloak of doom.
I am happy to report that I have an appointment set up with a family member to stop by on Friday and help me get kick-started with the divorce paperwork again. I need a kick in the pants, and I feel paralyzed whenever I look at it, like I don't know where to begin. So this will help me get back on the path to my peaceful future.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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i'm in your boat. but i'm not ready to give up just yet. I don't know why, or what crazy miracle i'm waiting on, but i think it's the fact that he keeps fighting for it. he's in a suboxone program, and the mess up happen less and less. I went through this process and i understand it, but something tells me i'm close real close to that breaking point. and it scares the hell out of me. it was not supposed to be this way, this is my best friend, but he keeps going back to his first love(heroin), i can't ever compete with that.
I' just having a bad night, and wanted u to know i get what you're going throug.Posted 05-08-2008 at 08:58 PM by bmblb
