http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/selfseeking/ Online Support Groups for Addicts, Alcoholics and their Family, Friends and Loved Ones. Thu, 16 Feb 2012 07:36:51 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/selfseeking/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/selfseeking/1201-i-need-not-blog-only-when-im-sad-but.html Mon, 08 Sep 2008 14:50:10 GMT I guess I'm hesitant to go to the normal threads when I'm feeling my worst. I don't want to whine all the time. I'm really tired of myself, so I can't imagine how other people must feel.

I went to AA meetings yesterday and tomorrow. Yesterday was the best... I felt so good after I left and got coffee with another member. It was a smaller meeting and the physical setup was comfortable. It felt safe, I guess. The meeting today put me more and more on edge. It was quite a bit bigger, it was in a building on my school campus, and the doors were huge and wide open to the outside. I could see students walking past and I felt so pathetic, just sitting there trying not to think about drinking. People moved around a LOT, getting up, sitting down, walking out, walking back in, throwing stuff away, shifting, dropping coffee cups, fiddling, whispering to their neighbors. I started to feel like screaming. Afterwards was better, I talked with a couple of women my own age and smoked a couple of cigs.. got my nerves basically under control. But It's a couple hours later and I still feel unsettled. There's a knot in my stomach. I just can't stand myself at times like this... feeling lots of self-loathing. I am a failure. I am in a coffee shop and can't focus on my school work. I just want to cry. Everything hurts right now. ]]> SelfSeeking http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/selfseeking/1201-i-need-not-blog-only-when-im-sad-but.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/selfseeking/1141-bottom-good-place-start.html Sat, 23 Aug 2008 03:28:21 GMT This is not at all the lowest point I've actually been in my life... Certainly I'm not feeling any actual exterior consequences of drinking. But I am drinking tonight after 12 days of sobriety, and 11(?) days after joining SR. SR is my first attempt at talking to ANYONE about my alcoholism. It's my first try at trying to quit with anything on top of my paltry willpower. Tonight I failed.
I'm 1.5 beers in (I'm not very big and I'm a woman), and my body feels drunk, but there's 0 euphoria, which is how my brain usually interprets the presence of alcohol. I feel worse. Looks like maybe alcohol is no longer a get-out-of-jail-free card when it comes to my anxiety.
Depending on when I stop drinking tonight, tomorrow may be day 1 or day 0.
Now everyone on SR knows for a fact what a disappointment I am. ]]> SelfSeeking http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/selfseeking/1141-bottom-good-place-start.html