http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/scaredykat/ Online Support Groups for Addicts, Alcoholics and their Family, Friends and Loved Ones. Thu, 16 Feb 2012 06:19:35 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/scaredykat/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/scaredykat/6120-my-last-drunk.html Thu, 04 Aug 2011 17:29:22 GMT Hi SR readers,

This actually wasn't my last drunk. I wrote this in the fall of 2007. I came into Alcoholics Anonymous in July of 2007. I struggled that whole year. I just couldn't or wouldn't accept that I was an alcoholic. I knew i was hurting and just wanted to stop feeling all the emotional pain I had. Here's what i wrote:


My Last Drunk

This is what happened on my last night drunk. It started out like any other drinking binge. I had 4 rum and cokes and we got some peppermint schnapps. I had 3 shots. When we went to bed that night, I had a blackout. I don’t remember going up to bed. We always have one last cigarette before going to sleep and I don’t remember that either.
My husband told me when we got into bed I was crying my eyes out about being drunk again. I don’t remember that either. After I calmed down we made love and this is when my memory was starting to come back. I do remember that vaguely.
We had another cigarette and I noticed the time was going on 7:00 AM. Well I freaked out and started crying again. I also ended up in a rage and started kicking my dresser and blaming my husband for keeping me up so late. I’m surprised that I didn't hurt my foot. I have hurt myself in the past. After I calmed down we finally went to sleep and I didn't get up until almost 3:00 in the afternoon.
When I woke up, I had a really bad hangover. At 5:00 was my nephews 21st Birthday Party. I made it, but really felt like crap until I ate something. Food always tends to make me feel better sometimes, not always but a majority of the time.
I’m writing all this down to remember. This is what happens to me when I get drunk. If I don’t stop now something worse could happen. I don’t want to live this way any more. I have to remember that life is what I make it. It’s time to stop worrying about things and learn to live “one day at a time” like my new sober friends.


More of my story to con't next week on my blog.


For the newcomer: Don't ever stop trying to quit drinking if you think you have a problem. It will save your life. :hug: for the newbies. ]]> scaredykat http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/scaredykat/6120-my-last-drunk.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/scaredykat/6058-my-detoxing-2007.html Tue, 19 Jul 2011 19:50:03 GMT Hi Everyone, its been a long time since I've been on Soberrecovery. I'm still alive and well. LOL I've been sober for 3 1/2 yrs now. Still very active in Alcoholics Anonymous. I decided since I have no time for the forums that I'll write in my blog again.

I wrote this in Dec. 2007 but my actual sobriety date is Jan 19, 2008

My detoxing wasn't as bad as some people can be. I think I was just lucky. I have always taken a lot of vitamins even while I was drinking. So I think that helped a lot with my detoxing. I didn't see a Doctor about quitting drinking which wasn't a good idea. I have a fear of Dr's so that is what held me back. Detoxing can be dangerous, so seeing a Dr is the better way to go to be safe.

Here is my personal experience when I was detoxing:

Day 1- I had some stomach pain, but no problem with eating. Very nervous, some shakiness, insomnia really bad. Only able to sleep a few hours. I drank a lot of water. I also started my recovery this day that I decided to use.

Day 2- Still some stomach pains, but still eating well. I was still very nervous and shaky some. Sleeping was still really bad. Very tired during the day. I still drank a lot of water.

Day 3- I still had some stomach pains. Still very nervous. Sleeping was still very difficult at night. I took some naps during the day which helped. Still drank a lot of water. Mentally and emotional getting very hard with not drinking.

Day- 4 Feeling a lot better physically. Still having problems with sleeping. Still drinking a lot of water. Emotional and mentally getting harder.
End of week 1- Physical done with detoxing. Emotional and mentally getting harder.

Week 2- Sleeping still hard but better. Emotional and mentally really hard. Crying and anger was the 2 biggest problems.

End of 1st month- Finally sleeping normally. Still drinking my water. Emotional and mentally still hard, but learning to deal with it because I know it will not last forever.

I had a lot of support when I quit. That helps a lot when you are quitting. I had friends here at home and I came on SR 2-3 times a day.

It is possible to quit. I know. I drank for many years and I’m now sober. Living sober is so much better. I feel like I have joined life again and it feels great. ]]> scaredykat http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/scaredykat/6058-my-detoxing-2007.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/scaredykat/273-my-last-relapse.html Thu, 07 Feb 2008 22:14:25 GMT This is what happened. On Dec 31, 2007 I just lost my mind. I had a 100 days and I didn’t care. I just wanted to get high on pot (all though I didn’t have any) and get drunk. I wasn’t thinking about... This is what happened. On Dec 31, 2007 I just lost my mind. I had a 100 days and I didn’t care. I just wanted to get high on pot (all though I didn’t have any) and get drunk. I wasn’t thinking about telling anyone or going to a meeting or even praying. I just wanted to give up. It’s what I do best anyway. So why not.

That afternoon I got out my pot pipe and cleaned out the little resin that was left in there since I had no weed. I did get a little buzz off of it. It felt good and I wanted more. That night I drank again. I think I had 3 or 4. I ended up drinking every day after that. I ended up being right back where I started. The whole insanity began again.

I wasn’t able to drink what I wanted on a daily basis. I couldn’t have any more then 4 a day or I wouldn’t be able to get up to give Tammy her shot. I had responsibility again and it was messing up my drinking. I started feeling angry, regret, and misery. I knew I didn’t want to be like this the rest of my life. I had no choice but to go back to AA. Drinking just didn’t work for me anymore. Period.

At first I was scared to death to tell anyone that I relapsed. What if no one respect me or supported me any more. I was petrified. So I kept drinking. I did tell my computer friends. It was easy to tell them because they can’t see me and don’t know me like the people here. I finally got the courage somehow and went back to AA and told my friends. I also got another white chip that night. Now I’m sober again and I’m grateful for another chance at life. One day at a time is all I have to do. ]]> scaredykat http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/scaredykat/273-my-last-relapse.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/scaredykat/154-feeling-hopeless-tonight.html Thu, 17 Jan 2008 05:35:37 GMT I'm feeling really hopeless tonight. This sucks. I can't stop drinking. I wish I didn't clean out my pot pipe and smoke it on New Years Eve. That's what started it. Then i drank that night and now I'm right back where i started when i first joined SR.

I don't log on much any more because i feel like i don't belong on here. So i mostly luck, hoping I'll get the desire to stop drinking back again.
I liked what i read on here today. "My spirit was dying", that's me. And it happened really fast.

I'm not drinking a lot, but i am drinking everyday again. I'm controlling my drinking because i have to be up to give Tammy her shot in the morning. So that sucks too, because i can't get as drunk as i want too.

For anyone even thinking of relapsing. DON'T.
It's not worth it. It's no fun trying to get your butt back where you belong. ]]> scaredykat http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/scaredykat/154-feeling-hopeless-tonight.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/scaredykat/122-cats-general.html Sat, 12 Jan 2008 06:06:34 GMT I feel like writing tonight. I'm not going to write about my drinking tonight though. I am going to my home group meeting tomorrow night. Hopefully this time i open my mouth up and share.

I want to write about cats tonight. I have loved cats since i was about 13 when we got our first cat Charlie. Most all of the cats my family has gotten including myself were either strays or in shelters. Some were unwanted kittens.

I can't stress how important it is to have your pet spayed or neutered. There are so many unwanted kitty's in shelters because of people not taking care of them or just not wanting them anymore.

I'm also a firm believer that you should keep your cats inside. Period. Their safer that way from injuries, diseases, and the elements.

Some of you know about my oldest cat Tammy having diabetes. She's still doing well. I've learned to get over my fear of giving her her shot everyday. She goes to the vet again on Monday. We're still trying to get her diabetes under control. We had to up her dosage of insulin. So hopefully everything works out OK on Monday. ]]> scaredykat http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/scaredykat/122-cats-general.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/scaredykat/36-people.html Sat, 29 Dec 2007 05:56:44 GMT Why do I let people get to me. I'm feeling kind of depressed now tonight. Some people just really irk me. When I grow up and have a lot of sobriety, I will NOT treat people that way. It's just not right.

Some people can really intimidate me and make me back away further. I get scared and then feel like running. But, I won't. It's not worth it.

I'm taking care of ME. I'm in recovery for ME. ]]> scaredykat http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/scaredykat/36-people.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/scaredykat/17-my-life.html Sat, 22 Dec 2007 06:27:53 GMT Should I write in a blog. That's actually what I've been asking myself before we got it on SR. This is my first time ever, so bare with me.

Then I ask myself what should I write. Should i write about my cats, or my about my writing. Or maybe my recovery.

Today is 90 days for me. It's a miracle. Especially with the past month here worrying about my cat Tammy and worrying about Christmas coming and getting mad and depressed because i can't drink over the holidays. But I'm an Alcoholic, and that's life. I can't go back to where i came from or I'll be right back where i was; all alone and miserable. So not drinking this Christmas is going to be the easier softer way for me. Plus i have friends now. I didn't have any when i drank. I was just a lonely housewife drunk. I don't want to go back there again. So hopefully one day at a time, I won't. ]]> scaredykat http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/scaredykat/17-my-life.html