About my alcoholism; my life; my loves.
Feeling hopeless tonight.
Posted 01-16-2008 at 10:35 PM by scaredykat
I'm feeling really hopeless tonight. This sucks. I can't stop drinking. I wish I didn't clean out my pot pipe and smoke it on New Years Eve. That's what started it. Then i drank that night and now I'm right back where i started when i first joined SR.
I don't log on much any more because i feel like i don't belong on here. So i mostly luck, hoping I'll get the desire to stop drinking back again.
I liked what i read on here today. "My spirit was dying", that's me. And it happened really fast.
I'm not drinking a lot, but i am drinking everyday again. I'm controlling my drinking because i have to be up to give Tammy her shot in the morning. So that sucks too, because i can't get as drunk as i want too.
For anyone even thinking of relapsing. DON'T.
It's not worth it. It's no fun trying to get your butt back where you belong.
I don't log on much any more because i feel like i don't belong on here. So i mostly luck, hoping I'll get the desire to stop drinking back again.
I liked what i read on here today. "My spirit was dying", that's me. And it happened really fast.
I'm not drinking a lot, but i am drinking everyday again. I'm controlling my drinking because i have to be up to give Tammy her shot in the morning. So that sucks too, because i can't get as drunk as i want too.
For anyone even thinking of relapsing. DON'T.
It's not worth it. It's no fun trying to get your butt back where you belong.
Total Comments 8
Comments
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Hey Barb,
I'm glad you're blogging - I've been thinking about you. I hope you get the willingness to take action and to put the bottle/pipe down and to begin again. You had come so far in so short a time. You'll always belong here, don't let that alcoholic voice tell you different.Posted 01-17-2008 at 06:10 AM by Rowan
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Hey Barb; I understand TOTALLY. I relapsed last night.......I am so baffled as to how it happened when at the same time I was SO desperate to stay sober. But it happened and it's over. Today is another day. A new start. I will have this disease all my life and each day will be a struggle in some way (although I know from experience it does get better). So all we can do is keep trying. So please, hang in there, stick around and stay in touch, it helps, trust me, it has helped me come back to my senses and try again. And as long as I'm trying....I'm sober.Posted 01-17-2008 at 09:35 AM by tay-lyn -
Thank you everyone for all of your support and PM's. I'm overwhelmed with all of the support. I hope my friends in AA are just as understanding.Posted 01-17-2008 at 03:04 PM by scaredykat - They will be , Barb. Give them a chance, hon.Posted 01-17-2008 at 03:15 PM by Rowan
- I'm sure your AA friends will welcome you back even if it's with some tough love! You know willingness means doing something we don't want to do (ie stop drinking) but need to do all the same, and that 'controlled drinking' will spin out of control at some point. Keep blogging!Posted 01-22-2008 at 01:32 AM by Gambaru
- Thanks Gambaru. I am back in recovery and back with my meetings. I got myself another white chip and my friends did welcome me back with open arms. I mostly post on the forum everyday so i don't do a lot of blogging unless the urge hits me. LOLPosted 01-22-2008 at 03:02 PM by scaredykat
- Just realised your blog was from a week ago. I'm glad you went back. You can always leave, just don't do it today
Posted 01-22-2008 at 04:04 PM by Gambaru -
I had an accident on Sunday due to drinking which swelled my eye to the size of an egg and gave me multiple bruises ending me in the hospital. I didn't think I would ever want to have a drink again! Until tonight, it was the last thing I wanted, I promised my girlfriend I would do this for us. Tonight, I really wanted a drink! I poured it, but felt so guilty that I dumped it down the drain. It is hard, so hard and it has only been four days, I don't know how long you have been sober but I feel your pain, and I know how hard it is.Posted 01-24-2008 at 07:22 PM by aret
