After crying a lot before the meeting and actually (i think since i've only lied about them) having a strong albeit small panic attack, I went.

Everything I thought would happen-didn't. For the first time in my life, I felt accepted and accepted by complete strangers! (Before going my junkie a$$ whispered Never talk to Strangers in my head) Holy sh*t! It was such a relief to hear from other addicts. Extremely encouraging when they all said "Hi, ---". I listened intently...

The fences around me sway and groan inward, collapsing,imploding toward a vision of silence. Muttering denials heaped upon heartache. So i stay under the one tree in my this opaque Eden. Partaking of the forbidden fruit again and again until agony claws at me with unrelenting,subtle force. My skeletons rise from this much treaded on ground and see my parched soul. I do not run. They come up to me,embrace me whispering sweet nothings and brittle promises in my bleeding ear.
Sweat develops...

So lately i've thought about those i've hurt. They know who they are and some don't even know the extent of what i did to them. I feel no regret over what i've done to them. I would like to, but then i just imagine it playing out like some movie.
Maybe i should confess but i don't want to. Almost everyone i stole from never gave two $hits about my struggle. Sure, they saw me during family reunions- the strung out, dangerously thin guy with the glazed over eyes and stayed away. I would...

I am so pissed right now. Is relapse part of recovery? Because i feel like a complete failure. Scored some Xanybars and a lot of Vikings. I don't know why either. I mean, I know that I didn't want them (my strongest craving ever finally subsided) and wasn't even thinking about the pills but BAM there they appeared. I had a couple moments of apprehension about going back to using and I knew I could have simply said no. Now even in my euphoric state I am at a loss for words as to how badly I will...