http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/ Online Support Groups for Addicts, Alcoholics and their Family, Friends and Loved Ones. Thu, 16 Feb 2012 07:13:36 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/6070-china.html Sun, 24 Jul 2011 09:20:04 GMT HI I'm in China right now it is coiol doing really good. Smoking been hard though haven't smoked though but it's everywhere here. I'm having a good time and wilol be home in a couple weeks so I hope to talk to you guys then. ]]> pinkgurl87 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/6070-china.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/5845-ok.html Thu, 09 Jun 2011 21:24:56 GMT I have another blog online Caterpillar to Butterfly
I'm trying to make it more positive and stuff about changing negative situations into positive. I'm doing ok , got my computer taken away for a bit but have it back now. Going on a trip to china in just over a week. Had a bit of a slip up but now I'm sober. ]]> pinkgurl87 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/5845-ok.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/5720-coping-bag.html Tue, 17 May 2011 15:39:49 GMT I went to see my doc today and we talked because on Sunday I took to many of my seroquel and ended up in the hospital. So she talked about making this coping box, we had talked about this also in... I went to see my doc today and we talked because on Sunday I took to many of my seroquel and ended up in the hospital. So she talked about making this coping box, we had talked about this also in my Eating Disorder/DBT support group and I was suppose to do it for last week but I didn't but I went to the dollar store today and got stuff. Instead of a box I got a pink bag with a ladybug on it. I bought to put in it a small puzzle , a suduko book, a word search book, a colouring box and crayons a journal , some mints , gum and silly putty. Then i also put stuff in from home, some encouragement stuff I got when I was in treatment , my 1 yr, 18 mths and 2 yr chips, an book of quotes and a new testament. I need to add more stuff like pens and pencils and knitting if I can find small enough wool. ]]> pinkgurl87 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/5720-coping-bag.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/3554-today-i-know-im-stupid.html Tue, 11 May 2010 05:47:51 GMT I'm watching intervetion again, I know I'm bad but I just can't help it. It's on tv I need to watch it. Especially the crack one. I get this weird high off of watching people do drugs particularly crack. I know it's wrong and I'm going crazy. I won't watch anymore at least till next Monday. I went to celebrate recovery today it was really good. It helped. I think the only reason that is keeping me clean is that my trip to India is coming up and if I use i can't go and I really want to go. Though I'm afraid what will happen when I get back from the trip because i will probably want to use. I'm already thinking about what alcohol I could buy on the airplane. I know that's bad. I think another reason I'm not using/drinking is because I have no access to money. I think if i had $20 I would use. Therapist asked me what I'd do if she'd gave me $20 dollars and I said the first thing that came to mind was use. Heck even if I have $5 I wanta use. This sounds horrible, but part of me doesn't want to be in recovery because is afraid that the longer I'm in recovery the less likely i will be able to get drugs again if I relapse. Now how twisted is that. I guess the addict in me still wants to use. My parents said today that if I used again I probably wouldn't be able to live at home, which would probably make me homless. Though I think about it and part of me wouldn't care, if that ment getting drugs then it would be ok. Plus how many nights did i stay up using anyways. Ok I'm sick I know it. I don't know why I'm so weird. I feel so alone. It feels like crack is staring me in the face and calling my name. I'm not going to give in for now. I just have to make it through these five weeks then I'm going away for 6 weeks then well we will see what happens. Anyways critize me all you want I know what I'm doing is stupid and not recovery like but I don't know how to stop it. I'm to afraid to go to NA because I'm afraid I would skip off and use. I don't have a sponsor at CR because I've been afraid to ask because I doubt anyone would want to be my sponsor.

I bought shoes today it gave me a bit of a high, which I really liked. I guess I'm looking for the high in my life but nothing compares to the high I get from crack and of course I can't buy shoes all the time that I'm craving. ]]> pinkgurl87 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/3554-today-i-know-im-stupid.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/3267-almost-year.html Sun, 28 Mar 2010 22:10:00 GMT It's coming up on a year since I used crack. I still crave sometimes. I slipped up about 5 weeks ago and used alcohol and it made me crave crack again. Sometimes when I smoke it brings me back to smoking crack. Same idea but different. I'm going to try to quit smoking but I'm going to wait untill after I finish school because school is really stressful. I've been feeling depressed recently so making school harder. This semester my grades have dropped but I guess I should be happy that I'm in school and not out using. April 1st is one year, and no that's not an April fools joke. It's kind of funny I quit on April fools day but ya. I want to thank everyone for their support over this time. :) ]]> pinkgurl87 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/3267-almost-year.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/2541-5-months.html Mon, 07 Sep 2009 22:35:25 GMT I can't believe it's been 5 months since I used. I'm still craving and stuff as school getting closer I'm craving more. It's going to be hard not to use. I wish the cravings would go away. I wish I never did crack in the first place. I still long for it, wonder if it will ever go away. I just want it to go away, I want to stop thinking about it. Gosh I want it so bad. Sigh stupid cravings. Off to Celebrate Recovery found that really helping me. ]]> pinkgurl87 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/2541-5-months.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/2052-day-5.html Mon, 06 Apr 2009 04:09:37 GMT Well today is day 5. Still craving and this is hard. I'm feeling kind of depressed and stuff. I hope to get through longer I hope. I wish the cravings would go away. I'm tired and confused and stuff. My Aunt has come home from going on holidays for a few weeks. She smokes to so she be out so I can't take off while smoking. I admit part of me wishes she wasn't back so I could go off and use. I know that's bad thinking. Though some of me is glad. I don't know. The idea that I can never use again seems weird. Though I know I can't it just causes trouble. ]]> pinkgurl87 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/2052-day-5.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/2037-clean-today.html Thu, 02 Apr 2009 03:04:30 GMT I made it through today without using. It was really hard but I did it, one day down. I'm really hoping I can continue this and not slip up but I don't know how I'm going to pull this off. i have found this website really helpful and I appreciate the people who have encouraged me. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow hoping it goes ok last week had it and I used that day so hope I don't do that again. ]]> pinkgurl87 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/2037-clean-today.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/2023-slipped-again.html Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:56:44 GMT Well I'm trying to get through the day messed up yesterday again and used crack. It suxs cause I want more of it. But I know it will just cause more problems. sigh I don't know how I'm going to stop this. sigh I'm pretty tired today... craving again go figure what's new. Going to see psychiatrist today so hopefully that will help. I have other mental health issues either then just addiction. Apparently I have PTSD, been labeled also with Borderline Personality Disorder, and Eating Disorder, Major Depression ( at one point in time). ]]> pinkgurl87 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/2023-slipped-again.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/2019-new-site.html Sat, 28 Mar 2009 23:16:30 GMT :c009:Well I'm new to this site. I used two days ago I'm struggling today. I want to use but I won't , I'm watching a movie Open Season 2 as a distraction, my mom has my wallet so I don't have my bus pass to go downtown and use but it's crazy. This is so hard not sure how I'm going to get through this. I just got out of treatment and first day out I slip up but now I haven't used for two days and I want to this sucks. I really like this site and hope i can get some help here. Chat has been helpful. ]]> pinkgurl87 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/pinkgurl87/2019-new-site.html