HI I'm in China right now it is coiol doing really good. Smoking been hard though haven't smoked though but it's everywhere here. I'm having a good time and wilol be home in a couple weeks so I hope to talk to you guys then.

I have another blog online Caterpillar to Butterfly
I'm trying to make it more positive and stuff about changing negative situations into positive. I'm doing ok , got my computer taken away for a bit but have it back now. Going on a trip to china in just over a week. Had a bit of a slip up but now I'm sober.

I went to see my doc today and we talked because on Sunday I took to many of my seroquel and ended up in the hospital. So she talked about making this coping box, we had talked about this also in my Eating Disorder/DBT support group and I was suppose to do it for last week but I didn't but I went to the dollar store today and got stuff. Instead of a box I got a pink bag with a ladybug on it. I bought to put in it a small puzzle , a suduko book, a word search book, a colouring box and crayons...

I'm watching intervetion again, I know I'm bad but I just can't help it. It's on tv I need to watch it. Especially the crack one. I get this weird high off of watching people do drugs particularly crack. I know it's wrong and I'm going crazy. I won't watch anymore at least till next Monday. I went to celebrate recovery today it was really good. It helped. I think the only reason that is keeping me clean is that my trip to India is coming up and if I use i can't go and I really want to go. Though...

It's coming up on a year since I used crack. I still crave sometimes. I slipped up about 5 weeks ago and used alcohol and it made me crave crack again. Sometimes when I smoke it brings me back to smoking crack. Same idea but different. I'm going to try to quit smoking but I'm going to wait untill after I finish school because school is really stressful. I've been feeling depressed recently so making school harder. This semester my grades have dropped but I guess I should be happy that I'm in school...