hey! I just got back from art camp. It was wonderful and amazing and great and fantastic. im on day 24. so its all good. feeling a bit iffy but thats to be expected.....otherwise i had a great time

I relapsed again after the fireworks on Thursday. I drank. not alot though. I took a few sips and realized that it tasted like crap. gross. I guess thats a good thing? that its gross now. I hope....
So this is try 3 day 2. here we go again.
My dad, brother and I went to the state fair yesterday. It was fun I guess. I felt a little out of it though. even though there were hundreds of people there, I felt a little alone.
Later I was mad. Nothing in particular. Just mad.
...

I just got back from going to see fireworks at my school. everyone was there. ALL my friends. I knew every face. But there was this moment when it was dark and the sparks were lighting up the sky and my friends were sitting around me....I should have been exstatic. Everything was beautiful and wonderful. but I felt awful. Alone and dark. I saw everyone but I couldnt talk to them. I heard them but couldnt respond. I was in a bubble. Everything was happening AROUND me...not including me. it was kind...

at 16, without a liscense, my parent are off to work and my brother is at camp leaving me alone ALL DAY. 7-4. Im alone and bored. I want to drink. Theres no one home and the cabinet is just calling my name. Its too easy. Its as if my parents want me to fail. They set me up so perfectly.
Im mad bored. I want to for a good, long bike ride but I cant bring myself to go. I just dont have the energy to get up and go out. Sobriety takes so much out of me. All the trying and resistence...

*deep sigh*
So Today is June 30th 2009. Day 10 of Sober try #2. goddamn its hard. Im really thankful that I didnt have to go through Detox this time. Ive been getting headaches and slight shakes, but honestly, its not nearly as bad as it was last time.
Two people...my two best friends....are the only two people who know about my booze-type problem. Anna and Isabella. I love them more than...life itself. They are my everything. Without them...Id be....well, not here
So I stayed...