http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/ Online Support Groups for Addicts, Alcoholics and their Family, Friends and Loved Ones. Sun, 22 Nov 2009 21:18:47 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/437-out-control.html Sat, 08 Mar 2008 15:20:53 GMT :a096: :wave: :a096:

:wave: ]]> PaperDolls http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/437-out-control.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/325-meds-more-meds.html Tue, 19 Feb 2008 21:25:07 GMT It seems like forever since I posted here but then I'm not sure anyone reads it.

I started taking my Chantix yesterday. I had to change my quit date because I need to be on that for at least 7 days. So my new Breathe Free date is Monday the 25th. I'm not quite in the mind frame but I've got time.

I saw the pdoc on Friday. She's positive I have ADD. So far I've tried Vyvance and Focalin. The Vyvance did nothing and the Focalin made me feel amped up and crazy. She just gave me a new script for Adderall XR. I'm sort of nervous about taking it because I know some people get addicted. I haven't filled it yet but I will. Anyone reading here have any experience with Adderall XR? Good or bad.

I got my butt to bed last night at a decent time and slept well. I still let the alarm go off for close to an hour before I got out of bed but still.........I had quit taking all sleeping meds and anti-anxiety meds for quite some time because they quit working. Last night I took an Ambien and I think it actually worked. I've not taking any, nor do I have any Klonopin for well over 3 weeks (for those of you who think I must be addicted to them). I didn't have any withdrawal symptoms like I know some people do. May be I'm just lucky or may be because I was on a low dose and didn't take them daily. I was always very careful with them. I may get them filled to have around. They really do help when I get panicky and irritable and anxious. I guess that's what they're for, huh?

My boss told me this morning that I'm kickin' butt......very efficient and getting lots done. Makes me scratch my head a bit. Nothing has changed ........... oh, except I've been making sure I take my Wellbutrin every morning. That must be it. I was in a bad habit of forgetting them. I was probably only taking them 4 days a week. That's not the sort of med you should do that with. I was thinking may be the Wellbutrin wasn't working anymore but may be it was that I just wasn't taking it.

So, today is a good day. Hope yours is too. ]]> PaperDolls http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/325-meds-more-meds.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/260-my-head-spinny.html Mon, 04 Feb 2008 22:55:03 GMT My job has been more stressful over the last few months. I'm sure it's not helping.
All last week ..... and today have been horrible at work. I don't know if I'm more irritable than usual or my boss is actually being real jerk. I think it might be a bit of both.

I decided this morning to take the Focalin again. I thought may be I didn't give it a fair shot. I only gave it 4 or 5 days. I feel so crazy today. I'm on edge, amped up, very grumpy, feel like I could explode, and my head is spinny. It has to be the meds. I have my days but not an entire week. When I think back to the weekend when I wasn't taking the Focalin, I did not feel like this. I suppose it could be hormones ..... it about that time of the month. TMI!

Anyway -- I hate the way I feel right now.

Tomorrow evening I'll be putting in about 5 extra hours because of Super Tuesday.....probably not the best idea but I always work extra during any elections and I could use the extra money.

I'm hoping tomorrow, since I won't be taking the Focolin, I'll feel less like a crazy person.

Oh, about telling co-workers why you might be gone for an extended period of time -- getting more intensive treatment for depression etc. I don't mind telling people but I've found over the last few years, people do not understand depression. Period. They might think they do but they don't. If you say "I suffer from depression." They say "Why?". Well, for one there's not always a why and for two that sure is a probing question. For some one who is suffering from situational depression, the situation that put them into a depression is obviously a touchy thing and difficult to deal with so don't ask stupid questions like that!

So I've got a picture in my mind of what would happen at work if I was gone from work for an extended period of time and it's not pretty. If I could just get that out of my mind may be it would be easier to look into that. I haven't made a new appt. with my pdoc. I'm just not in the mood to deal with it. ]]> PaperDolls http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/260-my-head-spinny.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/162-friday-blues.html Sat, 19 Jan 2008 01:34:58 GMT I didn't get out of bed this morning. Of course, I didn't get to bed until late, I don't even remember now when it was. I woke up with a headache and I was just too tired. Then the anxiety started because I was missing work. I lay in bed until about 1030. I was weak and feeling faint. I went and got a massage to try to chill out a bit. It helped a little but I'm just sad today. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself? I have to clue why. Just sad. One day like this doesn't mean the depression's back but it sure feels heavy. ]]> PaperDolls http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/162-friday-blues.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/156-just-little-rant.html Thu, 17 Jan 2008 16:53:51 GMT I'm so tired of being tired. I feel like I need to take a week off and just sleep.

Saw the pdoc on Tuesday. She's taken me off the Vyvanse (AD/HD). It's possible it was keeping me from sleeping but I really don't think so.

My sleep meds and klonopin don't seem to work any more. I feel like I have more anxiety than I ever did. I'm just very irritable. May be just lack of sleep. I feel like the depression has been helped by the wellbutrin. I'm just waiting for that to stop working.

I'll be trying a new AD/HD med in a few weeks - Focalin. May be, probably.

Even though the depression seems better, or gone. I'm still down on myself ..... a lot more often lately. I feel lazy and like ...... what am I here for? What do I want to do? What is my passion? Do I find my passion, or does my passion find me? I need some hobbies but I never finish anything I start. Why the hell do I do that? Since I haven't been sleeping, my thinking is rapid like that late at night. Very annoying.

I often think: I'll just get wasted tonight, then I'll sleep. Often times, that's what I did if I knew I'd have a hard time sleeping. Just drink 'till you fall asleep......

I'm not going to do it but I'm not going to say I don't want to either. I'd really like to.

I wish I could go back to school, finish my degree. I'm broke and I don't feel like I have enough time for anything. With my lack of sleep, trying to take any classes would probably just be a joke.

So ..... that's my rant for the day .... or for the moment.

So how did you find your passion? ]]> PaperDolls http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/156-just-little-rant.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/126-real-quick.html Sun, 13 Jan 2008 02:04:25 GMT 1) C went out with a friend last night. She had a great time but was really hung over today. She told me I'm not missing out, for sure! It made me smile.

2) I found a new show about Addiction: Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. It's on VH1. I've only seen one episode and I like it so far.

I'm in a better mood than last night but slept ALL day. Tomorrow will be better, more productive. ]]> PaperDolls http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/126-real-quick.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/120-what-am-i-doing-here.html Sat, 12 Jan 2008 05:02:25 GMT I'm having one of those nights where I just feel like everything sucks. I'm feeling sorry for myself. I actually feel sorry for myself that I can never drink again. It's not fair.

I was thinking.........I really enjoy either sleeping the day away or getting smashed so I don't have to deal with stuff. :wtf2 After I quit drinking, I did a lot of sleeping the days away. I still do it often. I'm wondering why my anti-depressants wouldn't help with that. I shouldn't WANT to sleep the day away.

I don't feel like I've accomplished anything with my life. I never did have any goals or anything but I often wonder if this is where I should be in life. I've not ever figured out what "my calling" is. Does it just come to you or have I just always been too lazy to find out?

*sigh*
This will pass, I know it will. I know I'll be fine.

I just still am baffled when I'm feeling like this, after all the meds and pdoc's and therapy. Shouldn't I be ok with me by now?

My head's doing one of these :chatter

:skillet ]]> PaperDolls http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/120-what-am-i-doing-here.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/116-what-would-good-sleep-feel-like.html Fri, 11 Jan 2008 20:52:36 GMT So, my sleeping is still all messed up. I’m going to make an appt. at the pdoc to talk about some new sleep med options OR why the hell can’t I sleep. I actually feel asleep on the couch last night... So, my sleeping is still all messed up. I’m going to make an appt. at the pdoc to talk about some new sleep med options OR why the hell can’t I sleep. I actually feel asleep on the couch last night at 9:30 (C said I was snoring!) but I still have a VERY hard time getting up this morning. I felt like a dang zombie. I’m so, so swamped at work. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, just busy as heck and I’m running around trying to make a deadline. Early this morning I wasn’t sure I’d make it but now I know I will so I’ve calmed down.

Any of you watch Intervention on A&E? I know some around SR don’t because it’s just too much for them. I think sometimes it’s too much for me but I think it’s good for me. The most recent one, about a girl named Brooke…….absolutely broke my heart. I cried almost the entire time I watched it. Then when it was over, went into the bathroom and cried a bit more. I was sad the rest of the night. I actually couldn’t relate much to her story but I just felt for her. I hope so badly that she is still recovering.

Back to work: my deadline is looming.

Peace and hugs out,
PD

Go to this site if you’re interested in seeing a short video from the episode.
http://www.aetv.com/intervention/int_episode_guide.jsp

This is info from A&E’s website about the episode I watched.
Brooke, 26, was a beautiful teenager with a magnetic personality. An elite gymnast on the cheerleading squad, she looked forward to a successful and athletic life. But tragedy struck in her senior year when she was crippled by Still's disease, an early form of rheumatoid arthritis. Her doctors prescribed narcotics to ease her pain, but Brooke soon became addicted. Her heartbroken family has sought new treatments to help Brooke, but she denies she's an addict. Now her family has turned in desperation to their last hope--an intervention.
]]> PaperDolls http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/116-what-would-good-sleep-feel-like.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/54-monday.html Wed, 02 Jan 2008 16:25:51 GMT It sure feels like a Monday!

I'm still not sleeping well. Well, when I do get to sleep it's good I'm just not falling asleep. It's so up and down. Hopefully this week I can get back on track. Since I have to drag my butt out of bed for work it should help me fall asleep at a decent time. Cross your fingers. Oh, and Jena, I can't take pain meds to help me fall asleep, they actually keep me awake! My doctor says I'm weird. Like, duh!

My hair is still fushia, aka pink.....C and I like it now. She says it's "me". :) No family or coworkers have freaked about it. They all say "Oooo, I like your hair." So, that's a relief. Besides, who cares if they like it or not, right?!

For the New Year, I got myself a cold. I've used two large boxes of Kleenex so far. I'm keeping them in business and Kleenex are expensive! Dang! :chatter

Looks like we all made it through the holidays! I'm glad you're here reading this nonsense, make me smile. :ghug3 ]]> PaperDolls http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/54-monday.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/37-just-passing-through-thoughts-girl-pink-hair.html Sat, 29 Dec 2007 09:06:14 GMT Can't sleep........for the last 2 or 3 weeks I'm lucky if I get to sleep by 2am (a couple of nights not until 4am). I've been sleeping the days away, it really helps make me feel lazy. C and I died my hair fuchsia last night. Just streaks but it's way bright. C and I are a bit freaked about it, her more than me I think. It'll grow out.

I'm getting myself anxious that I won't get my sleep back on track and be all screwed up when it's time to go back to work. I think I'll try to drag my butt out of bed early(ish) tomorrow so I can start getting back on track.

Peace and hugs out. ]]> PaperDolls http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/paperdolls/37-just-passing-through-thoughts-girl-pink-hair.html