this week will be different.

Bare with me... i dont know how to start. last night was beyond brutal. sweated through two comforters. I woke up at 4:30 am moved to the couch, and tossed and turned for another hour and a half. then decided to use. i justified it, as i hadn't used much just enough to relieve myself about 1/30 of my old dose. now that i feel better i find myself deppressed that i used at all. i let down myself and my girl. she dosn't know but if she did she would be dissappaionted i'm sure. its so hard to maintain sobriety. i REALLY want to live drug free. its just so hard when you feel like hell and you know the cure. i'm tired of this lifestyle, this routine, barely an existance. tommorow i will try again. it's easier on weekdays, less spare time. work makes me tired, it's easier to sleep. so i screwed up this weekend but i remain positive for tonight and this week. i WILL beat this thing.