I hate that I can't drink anymore, I hate that I can't be "normal" (understand, normal to me has always been behind the shroud of alcohol). I feel so frazzled all the time lately, confused, pissed off, angry, oh Jeezus, I don't even know, just sick of all the freaking emotions going all around in my head. Went to what I thought was an AA meeting with someone I met at one on Thursday, it wasn't. It was a CA meeting, which I didn't know a damn thing about, but COULD have been told about...

Attending the Salem meeting at noon today, the one I liked the very best of all the three I've gone to the past three days (today is Day #5 for me, YAY!!). Started to read the Big Book forward, chapter 2, didn't even get to Step One reading yet, and bawled my head off. Every.single.word seemed like it was written about me, I could relate to every single word that was written on those pages. These were good, healthy, let go and let God tears, though. At last, no more hiding from this. Such a...

It was in a different town, thought I'd try it out...the speaker was, cynical to be honest, VERY cynical. Not someone you would think was sober for nearly 20 years. She didn't give me hope, just the opposite. She made me feel like "why bother?" Made it sound like the first year was hellish and would totally suck and my life would just be a series of setbacks, not moving forward. I did speak, but after I said, "hi, I'm XXX and I'm an alcoholic," I DIDN'T say "XX, I enjoyed...