http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/ Online Support Groups for Addicts, Alcoholics and their Family, Friends and Loved Ones. Thu, 16 Feb 2012 08:06:26 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/2004-photos-kitties-chicken-fried-steak.html Mon, 23 Mar 2009 00:14:26 GMT So I finally finished my photography homework YEAH! I had put that off for long enough..of course as soon as I was done I wanted to take some pix so I took some of our kittie Mookie..she really is so... So I finally finished my photography homework YEAH! I had put that off for long enough..of course as soon as I was done I wanted to take some pix so I took some of our kittie Mookie..she really is so sweet....

Went to b-fast with huzzy...he shared his chicken fried steak...went to the grocery..came home..did homework and now am feeling oh so much lighter! I will prolly chat for a bit then maybe if its not freakin snowin..go for a walk!

I have alot of appts this week...one on MON TUE AND WED blahhhhh I bet I stay home on Thursday....lol

Overall feelin pretty good today, not a whole lot goin on......

:Dance1c: ]]> lunarise http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/2004-photos-kitties-chicken-fried-steak.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/2000-sleep-lack-there.html Sun, 22 Mar 2009 08:05:18 GMT :a227: SO...my sleeping pattern has been off recently so I decided to give myself a bed time, 11pm..and a wake up time.....8am I think that its certainly within reason. So I try the bedtime for a... :a227:
SO...my sleeping pattern has been off recently so I decided to give myself a bed time, 11pm..and a wake up time.....8am I think that its certainly within reason. So I try the bedtime for a few days and it turns out I cant get up till 10 or 11 am SO when I try to go to sleep that night I cant go to bed at 11pm I am not tired. Then there are nights like tonight where I sort of feel tired but I dont wanna go to bed...I am afraid I will miss something...weird huh?...that and I just dont feel like I have accomplished all I need to for the day...I am not ready for the day to be over yet..... Granted I hated going to bed as a kid and I did feel like I was missin out then too...I think this thinking may have started when I was drinking....I was fine with sleep since sober till recently. The other thing is while trying to feel inside myself to see where this could be coming from I felt a ..... loneliness of sorts...which is strange because I was home with my huzzy all day although we really didnt connect today well. I dont know what the freak is going on but I sure would like to feel tired like a normal person and be able to want to go to bed and then get up no later than 8 hours later feeling rested...hmmm for now..I guess I will read.... ]]> lunarise http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/2000-sleep-lack-there.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/1995-ok.html Sun, 22 Mar 2009 00:42:50 GMT Today is all right..so far Ive watched some stuff on youtube and read some stuff....and I did the dishes..thats about it. I think I should take a walk or something though..feeling all cooopy?! Still... Today is all right..so far Ive watched some stuff on youtube and read some stuff....and I did the dishes..thats about it. I think I should take a walk or something though..feeling all cooopy?! Still reading beyond the influence..its good...really good. I guess thats all the excitement for the day.


later on...
went for a walk..that helped..saw some cute cows in a field! Read some more..made me a little sad.....but tomorrow is another day... ]]> lunarise http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/1995-ok.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/1991-today-another-spiffy-day.html Fri, 20 Mar 2009 23:39:29 GMT Well to start off with I found out that "spiffy" can actually be found in the dictionary, so I did not in fact make up a word..so sad lol but I can still feel spiffy!

Had some tea at home, walked the yard some...then I went for a quiet relaxing drive towards town. I had one of those moments..where you are so freakin glad to be alive..where everything is o beautiful and even the idea of running your hand over a patch of grass makes you so grateful that life is what it is. It feels like this magical yummy stirring in my soul, completely unexplainable. I do..every year get Spring fever pretty bad...and today is the first day of Spring YEAH!

I am so glad to be sober for this season change. I love experiencing the change. I have missed it the last few years. I could burst. :Val004: ]]> lunarise http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/1991-today-another-spiffy-day.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/1983-later.html Fri, 20 Mar 2009 02:16:50 GMT had a counseling session today which I thought was good. Went shopping with sis and walked some more. Probably about a mile and a half..its not 3 but its better than couching it! lol Plus I did my... had a counseling session today which I thought was good. Went shopping with sis and walked some more. Probably about a mile and a half..its not 3 but its better than couching it! lol Plus I did my pilates today. Huzzy is here temporarily to check on some stuff..he seems a little agitated but...it is his first day not smoking again so...
I really hope it isnt like this everytime he stops. But lets think positively shall we. Okie time to study... ]]> lunarise http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/1983-later.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/1980-broken-hearted-dreams.html Thu, 19 Mar 2009 18:17:48 GMT hmmm So in the past two daysI have had three dreams all in which I end up with my heart broken! What the freak? In the first one my huzzy broke up with me (we werent married in the dream) and of... hmmm So in the past two daysI have had three dreams all in which I end up with my heart broken! What the freak?
In the first one my huzzy broke up with me (we werent married in the dream) and of course that tore me up.
One of the dreams last night I was dating an ex-boyfriend (my first boyfriend actually) and he dumped me too! Ughhh got to re-expirience that pain all over again..YEAH!
The other dream I was feeling overwhelmed and wanted to get away so a group of friends and I were gonna go to the mall to look at x-mas decorations...we took separate cars...I turned right instead of left from the driveway and decided that I wanted to drive to California for a week or so. I call my friend (someone I actually dont speak to anymore because she was a total beeeotch to me, and hence hurt me immensely) and begged her to come and hang with me in Cali..of course she said no. This of course really hurt my feelings in the dream.

So now I am awake and wondering what the freak? I have been feeling a little sad cause I havent got to spend much time with the huzzy going on three days. But why break my heart in my dreams...It really affects my mood during the day too to have these dreams because I feel like the pain stays with me. Especially about the first two because I know from real life how those situations feel. hmmm Well I cant figure it out.....

Other than that I slept ALOT last night and that felt good minus the dreams.... I have a counselinng appt today which is good i havent went in a few weeks cause she was gone. I may go for another walk today as long as it isnt raining on my head lol
Well off to start the day I guess...
]]> lunarise http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/1980-broken-hearted-dreams.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/1978-hopefully-more-regular.html Thu, 19 Mar 2009 04:28:31 GMT Ive decided to try and make this a regular posting avenue rather than say oh once a month. Today was good I went shopping with my sister and then we went for a walk, 3 miles! That makes skipping... Ive decided to try and make this a regular posting avenue rather than say oh once a month.

Today was good I went shopping with my sister and then we went for a walk, 3 miles! That makes skipping pilates today all right in my book. It was sunny and warm. I started reading "Beyond the Influence" last night, didnt get far but it seems very interesting.

So I have recently signed up for this photography class. I have done all the required reading for the 1st section and have gone over the first homework assignment. For some reason I feel...behind..anxious..that I am not doing it fast enough? Im not sure where its coming from. I will keep an eye on it and see where it leads. I really enjoy learning about it, I wonder if I am second guessing my ability? hmmm

Been missing my huzzy the last few days. He has been working hard and late. Tomorrow hes goin to play in the surf, but we have plans for a date this weekend. Im excited.

So overall things are good, it looks like Spring is goin to show up this year...and its been a long day. G-night. ]]> lunarise http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/1978-hopefully-more-regular.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/1955-whatever.html Sat, 14 Mar 2009 05:46:24 GMT Today sucks and here is a list of why.... I miss my mom terribly..she has been gone for over 3 years..I want her to hold me, I want to hear her voice. I want to feel loved..by those who love... Today sucks and here is a list of why....

I miss my mom terribly..she has been gone for over 3 years..I want her to hold me, I want to hear her voice.

I want to feel loved..by those who love me..consistently. not here or there but ALWAYS. In all actions.. in all words I want to be able to rely and take comfort in the fact that their love for me is not sporadic.

I wish my sister would open up to me more. i so desire to be closer to her but I feel like there is this wall, I cant get over it, I have tried.

I dont want o be afraid anymore about whether or not people like me..I dont want to care ..I dont want to give a fvuck at all..but I do...

I am just soooo tired..so tired...Im tired of trying to get to this place..this idea...and when ever I think I may have it in my sight the rug..where did it go..oh thats right woooosh pulled right from underneath me.....

:wtf2

:c004: ]]> lunarise http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/1955-whatever.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/1946-i-feel-like-rambling.html Thu, 12 Mar 2009 09:42:54 GMT Yeah, so its late and I am up once again and I wanted to write but didn't know about what so I didn't know where to put it in the forums hahah So here goes....

hmm the life of a sober person...

I can say that I am consistently more happy right now than I have been in years. Its great! Im not saying I dont have my moments but for the most part I am a pretty positive person. I was that way before I started drinking so I am glad to get that aspect of my personality back.Sometimes I am actually astonished by how consistently grumpy some people are. People who no matter what is going on in their life..they are upset or really negative. I could never live like that. I would drive me crazy. Actually I was like that to a certain extent when I was drinking. Guess that explains the panic attack.

The panic attack...worst I have ever had. I cant believe sometimes when I think about it how bad it was. However I am SO grateful that my body finally sent me a message.."Wake the f@ck up lady!"...My psyche could not handle anymore of the internal dialogue not matching the actions, everyday, day in day out. In my head and heart I was screaming for release...release from keeping everything pent up....release from the stories I was telling myself....release of the guilt about drinking...release of the cycle, the pattern. I was SO sick of myself drinking. Yet everyday, knowing of course that I had other options, I would go against everything my heart and mind were telling me and drink anyway. So there I would sit...beer in hand..looking out on myself shaking my head internally and SCREAMING "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!" Ughhh so disgusted with myself at the time. Now typing this I dont feel disgusted by myself or my drinking I just feel sad about it. Sad that I abused myself that way, sad that I missed so much time.

When I say I am sad I abused myself, I do mean me but more than that I mean that which sustains me. Whatever force it is that keeps my heart beating, I feel like I have somehow tainted my relationship with it. "It" is "It" to me because I dont know exactly how I feel about beings/ energies/God etc. I guess I just feel like there is something out there, even if its just the rule of mother nature. I do feel that I have somehow stolen something from myself and this life force that sustains me. I guess I should apologize and make amends. How do you go about making amends that feel so huge. I feel like this runs so deep. I feel like "Im sorry" wont cut it, like I need to DO something to make up for it. Does that make sense? Has anyone else felt this way?

hmm Its late 232 am....

I just want to say thanks by the way, to everyone here who has ever said a kind word to anyone else here. This site has meant so much to me, :ghug ]]> lunarise http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/1946-i-feel-like-rambling.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/1714-wisdom-while-drinking.html Wed, 21 Jan 2009 18:22:14 GMT For almost a year before I stopped drinking which was recently, I read a lot of self help/spiritual books about how to make my life better. I thought if I gained enough knowledge about the right sort... For almost a year before I stopped drinking which was recently, I read a lot of self help/spiritual books about how to make my life better. I thought if I gained enough knowledge about the right sort of way to be that it would make getting sober (which is what I wanted), easier. I read The Four Agreements, Loving What Is, Self Matters, The Art of Happiness, while these books may now be of use to me they were of no consequence while I was drinking. I took in the information but I couldn't put it into practice. Besides, part of the time I would read while I was f**ked up, how ridiculous is that? The peace I realize now that I had been looking for was the peace and quiet that comes from feeling respect for yourself and taking care of yourself. the fight in me was strong, one part yelling for numbness and the other yelling to let it cry a river. One night I woke up in the middle of the night and was sober but couldn't:dancer5::dancer5: sleep so I decided to watch a movie. Silly me, ended up watching The Notebook, ughhhh so sad. Anyway I was fine till the end of the movie at which point my body decided that it needed release so instead of crying for 2 minutes about the oh so sad scene at the end, i balled for like 45 minutes! Afterward I felt so cleansed, all that build up just came bursting out, I cried like a little girl. That was probably a month ago or so. I have now been sober for 9 days. I'm thinking maybe I should watch it again. I am not used to letting my emotions roll out on their own anymore, they need guidance, they need the permission to come out and then maybe a little coercing, but I don't mind, as long as I get the release. It feels like rain after a drought on my soul, it feels like the first Spring day, it feels real......there's my ramble for the day ]]> lunarise http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/lunarise/1714-wisdom-while-drinking.html