Detaching...
Posted 01-29-2009 at 03:12 PM by littlebrr
Am I detaching because I'm angry or because I need to?
I have been going back and forth with the thought of telling my mom that I no longer want to be a part of her life if she is actively drinking. To me, that means no contact what-so-ever. Am I doing this because I'm angry at her or am I doing this because it is what is best for me? Sometimes I wonder...
Honestly? The thought of not talking to her or dealing with her crap is a pleasant one, a happy prospect. I feel guilty for saying that and feeling that way.
I love her with all of my heart, I always have and I always will. I just don't want to have anything to do with her while drinking or while she is not in active recovery and I'm okay with that. I'm torn because these feelings are the complete opposite of each other. How is it possible to have both feelings of love and feelings of hate at the same time?
I guess it's like Dr. Jekle and Mr. Hide? I love her, but I hate the disease? Is that what it is? That makes sense. I think I'm having an ah-ha moment...
I have been going back and forth with the thought of telling my mom that I no longer want to be a part of her life if she is actively drinking. To me, that means no contact what-so-ever. Am I doing this because I'm angry at her or am I doing this because it is what is best for me? Sometimes I wonder...
Honestly? The thought of not talking to her or dealing with her crap is a pleasant one, a happy prospect. I feel guilty for saying that and feeling that way.
I love her with all of my heart, I always have and I always will. I just don't want to have anything to do with her while drinking or while she is not in active recovery and I'm okay with that. I'm torn because these feelings are the complete opposite of each other. How is it possible to have both feelings of love and feelings of hate at the same time?
I guess it's like Dr. Jekle and Mr. Hide? I love her, but I hate the disease? Is that what it is? That makes sense. I think I'm having an ah-ha moment...
Total Comments 1
Comments
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I hear you. Addiction sweeps away everything, including the bonds we hope we might expect from family. The loss is total. Afterwards, there is the empty sense of misplaced potential. We think about how everything could have been, the support that might have been there. We want to love our parents, yet their disease is a huge roadblock.
I think you put it well when you say "I guess it's like Dr. Jekle and Mr. Hide". On another site, i was just reading the sad story of a woman who lost her alcoholic father, and she was thinking about the connection that could have been, if only he'd decided to live a different kind of life:
http://www.thesecondroad.org/tsr/200...ion-a-goodbye/
As it says in that post over there:
"With each decision his addiction made for him, the further he moved away from cultivating anything positive or successful. In a series of steps that seemingly happened slowly, he made it harder to ever turn back around. Refrain only offered clarity, which was only a pain best numbed by the bottle."
I think a lot of us end up thinking of loved ones that way, when they've struggled with addiction.Posted 01-31-2009 at 04:21 PM by rickdeckard
