VERY BAD XMAS THIS YEAR. MY BROTHRER IS A SEVERE ALCOHOLIC. SHOWED UP HERE AT ALMOST MIDNIGHT, WOKE MY DAUGHTER UP, WHO IS ONLY 11 AND STILL BELIEVED. UNTIL HE GOT HERE WITH SOME NOTION TO SAVE ME, WHO WAS ALSPEEP. WOKE THE ENTIRE HOUSE UP, FELL AND BROKE MY WALL, HAD TO SLEEP IN MY BED CAUSE HE COULD NOT MAKE IT DOWN THE STAIRS, SHARED XMAS MORNING, THEN WENT HOME, GOT TRASHED AND CAME BACK AGAIN FOR XMAS DINNER, WHICH I COOKED. I HAVE A LOT OF PROBLEMS NOT DRINKING MYSELF, I MADE IT FROM...

i was on line tonight again, everything seems just off. is it me? i keep running into rude people...like misslucy thinking this is a dating site...hello! or is it and i just am thinking it isnt? I DO NOT like second guessing myself! i guess there is a certain amount of uncertainty just due to the 'online' thing anyway i guess.......IDK...maybe it is me and just the past couple of nights and i have been on later than usual..but that being said, i am almost at the point that i am not coming...

ok, tonight was an off night...was doing a ok, went to an on line meeting which just did not make sense...wow. still wondering about it. Also had a contractor here then go scared cause i realize i dont know who the heck he is, where he is from and why he cant speak english perfectly like i can...and i let this man in my house. wow Heather!
but on the up side, he told me several times he has church on Sunday....
also, i forgave my friend/bf for what happened in my earlier blogs,...

Well, i did it today, finally! I baked my litte *ss off, ran kids around, cleaned, deal with it all and got through it! So tired now I can hardly see straight - wore myself right out but hey if it works for today than thats ok too! Whatever gets u by for time u need to get by even if its only a moment or an hour...
Life is going to get better and better..and all will be well.
I dont want to be one of those people who make it 24 hours every single day, only to do the same thing...

Another thing happened with my good friend, I guess my now ex-bf is that I was on the phone with him and we were talking about anxiety. He said he had had that after his mom died (our moms died 6 months apart of the same disease, lung cancer). Then he said he had fixed himself and also said that I am a 'dr runner' and would not be able to 'fix myself'. I kinda let that go, and said what do u mean and he said that i basically could not handle anything myself, like he could and had in the past....